For the Sake of Stew
by roads-go-ever-on
Summary: After a slight mis-step and tumble leads to a knocked head, Fili suddenly seems to believe he's a deer. Cue one exasperated uncle and one highly amused company. No pairings. Set between Carrock and Mirkwood. (mix of movie!verse and book!verse) Fill for a prompt.
1. An Issue of 'Stag'gering Consequence

**Author's Note: **

**UPDATE: Later chapters are significantly longer and more in depth than this one. I may come back and rewrite this chapter once the story is finished, as it is very severely lacking as compared to the later chapters. **

**So this is**** a fill for a prompt that goes more or less as follows: **

**Due to certain happenings, Fili believes he's a deer. At first, the other dwarves find it hilarious and a suitable punishment for all the pranks he's pulled, but as time goes on and Fili starts tackling the other dwarves to show dominance, bolting at first signs of danger, and insisting on leading his 'herd' to new grazing spots (oddly enough, Bifur and Fili have never been closer), the company is more than ready to find a cure. **

**The OP wanted some hilarious shenanigans to go down, and trust me, there are plenty in the next chapters! (as a side note, search for Dean O'Gorman in Young Hercules acting like a deer. That's what prompted most of Fili's behavior and provided the avatar for this story. I must say, it had me dying of laughter!) Currently unbeta'd.**

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"Bombur, hurry with that stew! Half these lot look fit to start eating pebbles!"

Gloin's gruff voice echoed across the camp to Bombur, who was stirring what meager scavengings the company had found into a barely edible sludge. Aware of the renewed grumblings of the famished dwarves, Bombur raised his head, narrowing his eyes at the more vocal half of the group. "If it's all the same to you, there isn't much here that will quell any belly growling. You expect me to make a decent meal out of rabbit food?" He flourished the assortment of greenery that had been picked out for eating along the way. This earned a snort from Gloin.

"We'd 'ave had actual rabbit for the stew if someone'd actually remembered to check the traps this mornin'."

Several shouts of protest rang out, calls of "not my duty" and "could have easily been you" rising above the din. The banter continued to bounce between the hungry dwarves, pulling a long suffering sigh from Thorin, who stood leaning against a large boulder on the outskirts of the camp. He let his eyes wander along the company, searching out two in particular amid the noisy bunch.

"Fili. Kili."

At his silent command, the brothers turned away from watching the argument unfold to gaze at their uncle in slight trepidation. Kili's mouth still hung open with the protest that had died in his throat at his uncle's call.

Thorin raised an eyebrow at him before finishing his order. "See what you can find to... _liven_ the stew up. Best to keep our strength."

The brothers exchanged a glance before suppressing matching grins of amusement. Thorin would never admit it, but his obvious distaste for the bland broth Bombur had been forced to concoct these last few days was starting to make him even more short tempered than usual. Fili stood, brushing dirt from his knees and ushering for Kili to follow.

"Aye, uncle. We'll just have a quick look around then."

**_~SoS~_**

Relieved to be away from the grumblings of the group, Fili and Kili stalked through the trees surrounding their makeshift encampment. The occasional rustle would taunt an arrow to be nocked or a sword to be tensed, but whatever animals were occupying the forest were clever enough to stay just out of reach. After the fifth curse from Kili at the escape of what could have possibly been a fairly smug squirrel, Fili suggested they look for herbs to use in the morning's meal.

Kili shot him a reproachful look. "That'll go over well. 'Oh, aye! Don't mind us here, just bringing back some more greens to embellish those greens you've got cooking there!"

Fili rolled his eyes with a grin, elbowing his brother into the foliage. "It's better than going back empty handed. C'mon then, might as well try for _something_."

Kili disentangled himself from the prickly bush he had landed in and set off with a huff past Fili. He _might _have nudged his brother roughly into a tree while passing by on _accident_. Not that he would admit anything.

Trailing a few feet behind his brother as they made their way further into the forest, Fili glanced around at the forest floor. Nothing looked particularly appetizing. The young prince furrowed his brow, eyes darting along the bushels of vegetation.

Maybe if they were to just pick some grass and lie through their teeth, the company's imagination would provide the flavor. Or perhaps if they found-

"Hey, Fee!"

Fili looked up at his brother's hiss to discover Kili was no longer in front of him. A glance to his left showed his brother crouching low in the dense bushes, eyes trained ahead, intent on some object he could not see. Fili shuffled over with a questioning look, earning a grin and a slight head tilt from Kili. Eyes following the direction he indicated, Fili tensed. A rocky drop off led to a small clearing where a deer was innocently grazing, unaware of the ravenous attention now placed upon it. Kili grinned widely at Fili, bringing his bow up slowly and gently nocking an arrow. Fili returned the grin and shifted slightly so as to provide his brother room to aim. As Kili leveled the arrow in line with the deer, he released a breath and quirked an eyebrow.

Taking this as a sign for more space, Fili shifted further to the side-

-and met open space.

With a startled shout, Fili tumbled over the side of the incline, rolling ungracefully down the steep face into the valley. The deer started and immediately bolted for the trees on the other side of the clearing, disappearing into the greenery. With a shout matching Fili's, Kili launched himself over the edge, deer and bow forgotten. He skidded down the slope after his brother, who had yet to right himself. Before Kili could reach him, Fili tumbled over a particularly prominent rock, sailing through the air before landing with a resounding thud, his head snapping back to crack ominously against the rock face.

Cold dread filled Kili as Fili did not move, and he quickened his haphazard sliding. Reaching the bottom, he ran to Fili, rolling him over anxiously and swallowing thickly when his brother limply sprawled across the grass, eyes shut tightly.

"Fee! Fili, speak to me!"

Kili hastily gripped his brother's wrist, relief momentarily washing over him as he found a strong pulse. A quick examination revealed no major injuries aside from the odd bruise or scratch, however the sound of Fili's head hitting the rock reverberated in Kili's mind. That would definitely smart for quite some time. "Fili, c'mon! I'm supposed to be the clumsy one!"

No reaction was emitted from Fili.

At this point, Kili began to panic. What if he couldn't wake him up? Of all the ways to end the journey, falling off of a cliff for the sake of stew? Kili banished the thought roughly out of his mind as he resorted to lightly shaking Fili's shoulder.

"Brother, please! You have to wake up!" He gingerly ran a hand over Fili's head, searching again for any signs of extreme injury. His fingers brushed against what felt like the beginnings of a sizable lump, when without warning Fili's eyes shot open. Before he could even sigh in relief, Kili let out an exclamation as his brother pushed him away.

Sitting up in puzzlement, he stared as Fili looked around the clearing with wild eyes.

Kili rocked to his feet and crouched slowly, holding his hands out in front of him. "Fili?" he asked tentatively. Shock nearly knocked him back over as Fili turned to look at him with an expression that could not be described as anything other than a "deer in the headlights" panic.

"Fili! It's alright! It's me, Kili! You took a bit of a tumble, but you're fine now!" Fili continued to stare in mild panic, no recognition passing his face. Without warning, he shot to his feet, swaying slightly. Kili mirrored his movements, concern etched visibly on his brow. Had the fall addled his brother's brain? "F...Fee?" What happened next, Kili would never forget in all his lifetime.

Fili shot him one last glance before lifting his arms in front of him and began to _prance_ away across the clearing as quickly as his dwarf legs would carry him.

Kili stood rooted in spot, momentarily stunned. Had his brother, heir to the line of Durin, nephew of the great Thorin, prince of Erebor, just _pranced_ away from him? After surviving a particularly nasty fall?

When he finally gathered his wits enough to turn around and face his brother, Kili found himself once again frozen in place at the sight before him.

Fili now stood where the deer had been standing, slightly crouched, with a fistful of grass dangling from his mouth, chewing with an almost serene look on his face.

"Fili?!"

The golden haired dwarf whipped his head around, staring openly at Kili now as he continued to slowly chew. A thought dawned on Kili.

Maybe the fall _had_ knocked some sense out of his brother. The last thing he would have known would have been the deer... Kili took in a sharp breath as realization hit him hard.

For a moment, he did not know whether to burst into laughter or tears.

Shirking off the urge to do either, Kili stepped cautiously towards his brother, palms facing outwards, and began to coo slightly. "It's alright. I'm just coming over to join you. No need to stare at me like you are now. It's... ah, it's beginning to be _slightly_ unnerving, Fee. You can stop that... any time. Preferably now..."

Before Kili could take another step, Fili darted forward alarmingly, head-butting the younger dwarf painfully to the ground. Kili blinked past the stars clouding his vision up at his brother, who wore a fleeting, grim look of triumph before flopping down in the grass beside him and promptly passing out.

A rich moment passed in silence before Kili took in a deep breath. Covering his face with his hands, the young dwarf let out a long, low groan.

"For the love of Mahal and all that is sacred, why must these occurrences always happen to _me?!"_

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**So what do you think? Is it worth continuing? Let me know in the reviews. Judging by the comments, I'll see if I'll be pursuing this one!**


	2. Heir to the Line of Deerin

**Author's note: WOW. Guys, I can't thank you enough for the positive feedback this has gotten! All of your comments seriously made my day. Looks like I'll be continuing this story, then!**

**Your reviews inspired me to sit back down and keep writing, so you get another chapter today! :3**

**(Though please note, updates might not always happen this quickly. Ah, the life of a college student.)**

**I'm looking for some more funny, deer-like attributes to put Fili through in the next chapter. If you have a suggestion that you would like to see, make sure to leave a review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Hobbit. This story is just me messing around with the playground Tolkien set up.**

**Please note: there are several shifts in POV, denoted by the _~SoS~_. Still deciding on who I want to focus on the most...**

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Thorin had little patience for a great number of things.

Elves, for one, he had virtually _no_ patience for. Orcs could arguably hold the same status as elves. On a good day, he had patience for his nephews. A ragtag company of dwarves and a hobbit, he could work with. A ragtag company of hungry_, loudly_ _debating _dwarves and a hobbit, however, was something entirely different.

"_SILENCE, ALL OF YOU_!"

Heads whirled to face their leader, mouths slack from a combination of shame and longing to prolong the argument at hand. Thorin's thunderous command had effectively spread a hush over the group. With a slight nod of approval at the immediate silence, Thorin stepped up to join the circle of dwarves. "If you are _finished _with your petty bickering_,"_ he ground out, "then I believe we can move on and begin to gather the camp together. We move after the meal." Any grumblings were immediately silenced by a look from Thorin. The group dispersed, each moving off to complete their respective tasks. One figure continued to hover by Bombur and the stew pot, shooting anxious glances towards the company's leader. Thorin heaved a sigh.

"Speak your mind, Ori. What needs saying?"

Ori glanced up sharply at being addressed. He stepped away from the stew pot and tilted his head slightly. "Should we not wait for Fili and Kili to return? It would be a shame for them to miss the meal for gathering ingredients…" The corner of Thorin's mouth twitched upwards. Trust Ori to think such. "They will not miss it," he said, "if they return within the time _required_ to gather ingredients." Deep down, Thorin was strongly hoping they would. One more day of broth and he would contemplate passing meals altogether. Narrowing his eyes, he turned his face towards the powder blue sky. It had been some time since the brothers had set off. He smothered the slight twinge in his gut and turned back to the camp to begin gathering his meager possessions together.

A shout echoed out of the forest, alarming the company into hastily taking up arms. A second, more panicked shout followed not seconds after the first, and Thorin felt the twinge in his stomach tighten alarmingly. He knew those voices.

Taking stock of those nearest to him, he rattled off names. "Dwalin, Gloin, Bofur, and Bifur, with me! The rest of you stay put and guard the camp!" With that, Thorin swept up Orcrist and took off at a steady pace towards the origin of the shout. He did not need to look behind to know the others were following.

Thoughts ran rampant through the crownless king's mind as he sped through the forest. Were they under attack? Ambushed? Injured? Thorin clenched his teeth. If any happenstance of misfortune had befallen his nephews, there would indeed be hell to pay. Though, trust _them_ to find trouble. They had been seeking it since the days of their births. It was not the first time he wondered why he had brought those two along in the first place. The group paused for a mere moment to ensure their direction was correct. Sturdy boot prints in the mud trailing along the sides of the road coaxed them onwards.

Crashing through the undergrowth, the small collection of dwarves halted before a sudden, somewhat alarming drop off. After a quick glance around the immediate area, Thorin ordered the others to search for a trail.

"Thorin!" The leader in question spun to face Dwalin, who had disappeared into the bushes on the left of the path in his search. What he saw made his veins turn to ice. Dwalin held a bow in his hand that could not have belonged to anyone other than Kili. "Found it tossed in these bushes," he grunted. There was a hint of concern in his comrade's eyes. Well, a hint of what could come _close_ to concern. Dwalin was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Thorin growled in frustration and ran a hand through his tangled hair. The boy never left his bow in such haphazard fashion! He plucked the bow from Dwalin's grasp and, with all of the calm he could muster, ordered Dwalin to show him where exactly it had been.

Dwalin led Thorin back through the shrubbery and made a wide gesture to a suspiciously trampled bush. At a glance, it appeared to have been set upon. Thorin paced around it, not letting any small detail escape his scrutiny. He made to take another step-

-and his foot landed on open air. An exclamation of surprise escaped his lips before he could stop himself. Arms pin-wheeling and sending Kili's bow flying over the edge, he fought for his balance. Just as he was sure he was about to start a fairly unpleasant descent, two pairs of firm hands grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him back onto solid ground. Dwalin and Bofur made sure Thorin was steady before relinquishing their hold on him. Bifur and Gloin had already joined them and were gazing over the edge of the large, partially hidden gap Thorin had just had the misfortune of encountering. Gloin let out a low whistle. "Y' wouldn't stand a chance at seeing _that_ through those bushes," he commented, "much less 'ave been able to avoid it on your own!" Bofur turned to Thorin with a look of trepidation. "Y'don't suppose the lads could've _fallen_?"

**~_SoS~_**

Kili let out a frustrated sigh. He had moved Fili away from the middle of the clearing and now had him propped up against one of the many large boulders at the bottom of the incline, head lolling. The image of Fili prancing was still burned into his mind's eye, making him slowly grin despite himself. Not to be taken wrong, he _was_ worried! But it was not every day your own brother gave you such ammunition to use against him as _prancing _and chewing grass like some deranged woodland creature. The grin cracked into a smile as a thought dawned on him. "Fili, heir to the line of Durin. Sure it's not the line of _Deerin?_"

Sobering quickly and casting a long stare over his brother, Kili pondered his situation. He could go back for the others and try to explain himself. But that would result in having to carry Fili back up the incline on his own and dealing with Thorin's disappointed glare without having his brother awake to take _his_ share of the lecture that was sure to follow. _And a company of starved dwarves waiting for us to bring back food, not a dwarf who is currently one coin short of a gold pile, _he thought with a huff. Either way, Fili needed help. Coming to a decision, Kili stood-

-and was promptly struck on the head. Whirling to catch sight of his accoster, he blinked in confusion as he was presented with naught but an empty field. Rubbing his smarting head slightly, Kili narrowed his eyes. Maybe _he_ was the mad one here. A slight clatter beneath his feet drew his gaze to the ground.

"My bow!"

Kili lifted the weapon, his confusion deepening. Hadn't he left it tangled in the bush above for the sole purpose of it _not _falling? More clattering and the sound of voices reached his ears. Kili's head snapped back and he stared up the incline, where pebbles were meandering down the face almost leisurely as a shout and voices drifted over the edge:

"- the lads could've _fallen_?"

Relief washed over Kili, and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Taking in another, he shouted up the face of the incline as loud as his lungs could bear. "Bofur! We're down here!"

**~_SoS~_**

Kili's shout traveled up to the group and was received with a laugh of relief from several of the dwarves. The 'rescue' party crowded closer to the edge, catching sight of Kili standing between the slanted surface of the incline and a fair sized boulder. Thorin began to heave an enormous sigh of relief, but stopped himself short. He pushed himself to the front of the group and, noting the absence of a certain blonde dwarf, shouted gruffly back down to Kili. "Where is your brother? Are either of you injured?"

The pause that followed was far too long for comfort.

Kili glanced behind him at something behind the rock before looking back up to the group and calling out his response. "Fili's here as well-" (sighs of relief almost drowned out the next part of his sentence) "but he's in a bit of a bad way. I'm not too sure- oi, wait!" His protest fell on deaf ears, as Thorin had already begun the treacherous skid down the slanting face. Bifur and Bofur followed after him, leaving Gloin and Dwalin above to assist in climbing back up.

Kili groaned inwardly. What was he supposed to tell them? All fun aside, he was sure it would not go over well to see the heir to the throne of Erebor in the state he was in now. The internal debate came to an abrupt halt as Thorin and the others reached the bottom and began to make their way over. As if on cue, Fili chose that exact moment to wake up, tensing as he sat up straighter against the rock face. Kili looked back and forth between his rapidly approaching uncle and his brother, unsure of how to handle the situation. As Thorin bore down on him, he came to a decision. _Better to have help with this one than try to skirt around it alone, _he thought with finality_. _

**_~SoS~_**

Thorin breezed up to Kili, who's expression was astoundingly sheepish. Unsure of what to make of this, Thorin stepped around his youngest nephew to see what damage had been brought on Fili.

Looking back on the whole ordeal in later times and places, he knew he could never have prepared himself for what he saw next.

Fili was visibly tensed, eyes wide and nervous and a new handful of grass protruding from his lips. Thorin halted, rooted in place by pure shock. Many moments passed, where the two simply held each others' gaze, neither moving a single muscle. The moment was broken by Fili, who blinked innocently and began to chew with purpose, his eyes never leaving Thorin's. Kili stepped forward to stand behind Thorin and whispered, "I tried to warn you. He smacked his head pretty well in the fall. Seems to think he's a…" Kili trailed off, either unable or unwilling to finish the sentence, Thorin knew not.

The shock which held the king in place slowly dissipated, replaced by a creeping sense of dread. Unwilling to break eye contact with Fili, Thorin raised his brows questioningly. Fili tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in turn, pawing with a hand towards his observers in a motion that could have easily read _"back off"_. At a loss of what to say, Thorin went with the first question presented in his mind.

"Thinks he's a _what_, exactly?"

Before Kili could reply, Bifur and Bofur rounded the boulder, startling Fili. The blonde dwarf sprang to his feet swiftly, head turning wildly as he searched for an escape. Ignoring Kili's shout of warning, Thorin moved in closer in an attempt to calm his confused nephew. Fili's eyes latched back onto Thorin's and, with an animalistic grunt, the young dwarf charged the leader. With no time to react, Thorin could only take the impact of Fili's head ramming his stomach, the air leaving his lungs with a _whoosh_. He landed none too gently on his backside, winded and by now, _thoroughly_ confused. Fili now stood several feet away, arms held bent in front of his torso and the same triumphant look as from before gracing his face.

Sitting up with a slight wince, Thorin found himself unable to do anything but continue his stare. Fili blinked in what was apparent, momentary confusion before supporting himself on the boulder behind him, immediate 'threat' forgotten. Turning his unbelieving stare to Kili and the others, Thorin saw his shock mirrored in each dwarf's face.

Bifur was the first to break the stunned silence. With a grunt in Khuzdul, he stepped purposefully towards Fili. Bofur moved forward to stop him, but Bifur simply brushed him off.

Reaching Fili, Bifur let out a small series of surprisingly calming grunts and hand motions before slowly crouching in front of the dazed dwarf. After several more series of apparent communication, Fili visibly relaxed and, to the astonishment of the onlookers, allowed Bifur to sit beside him. A fairly unnerving staring contest followed, leaving the three enraptured observers in a more than awkward silence. Once again, it was Fili who broke the hush. Leaning towards Bifur, he snatched a stray leaf from the older dwarf's shoulder with his teeth and began to chew on it absently. Bifur turned a slightly confused but highly amused eye towards the group.

By now, Thorin found his patience to have given in completely.

He turned his stare to Kili, and the question in his eyes was violently apparent. Kili gulped loudly before letting out a short, nervous laugh.

"Well, y'see, he seems to think _he's_ _a stag._"

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**Don't forget to leave a review! My muse seems to be encouraged tremendously by 'em!**


	3. One Dwarf, Two Dwarf, Three Dwarf, Floor

**Author's Note: OK! So ****_now_**** we can get some shenanigans going on. This story has me doing a somewhat ridiculous amount of research on deer…**

**Thank you to those who reviewed! I'll be taking a few of your suggestions and putting them in the next chapter! ^^**

**Any Khuzdul in this chapter is translated at the bottom of the page. **

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"Careful now! Watch your- ARGH!"

"Uh… look out below?"

"Ohhh, you think this is _funny,_ lad?"

"Kili! Stop your snickering and lend a hand!"

"_You_ would be laughing if you had my vantage point!"

"_Tunzâl ibindikhâl_!" *** **

"Oi! Rude!"

Gloin and Dwalin exchanged an exasperated look before peering back over the edge of the gap, attempting to make sense of the chaos below. Getting the others back up the rock face was proving to be much more difficult than they had anticipated.

Thorin stood at the base of the slanted rock face, arms held at ready to catch anyone with the misfortune of falling, his expression openly displaying his sour mood while his eyes betrayed his apprehension. On a small ledge slightly above him stood Bifur, who was stretching his arms up in turn to support Bofur's feet on his shoulders, an intense look of concentration plastered across his face. Bofur was now sporting the beginnings of what was sure to be a magnificently shining black eye and a frown worthy of a sturgeon. He shoved Kili's foot out of his face and readjusted his grip on the rock face. "Never ye mind! Just watch yer feet!"

Kili set his foot back on Bofur's shoulder and smothered his snickering enough to shoot back a reply. "Doesn't do any harm to get a bit of a boost! Turn that hat of yours on its side, it just may put me high enough to reach over the edge!"

A resounding _smack_ and yelp of pain echoed over the area.

"My knee! Who hits in the _knee?!_"

"_I _do."

Dwalin decided now would be the right time to step into the…_ discussion_. Leaning over the edge, he bellowed to the group below. "Would you pipe down and focus on getting the poor lad up here? The rest o' the company's probably gone _mad_ waiting without news by now!"

Thorin shot a look of gratitude upwards in Dwalin's direction before turning warily to Fili, who had yet to move from his apparently comfortable position on the grass. The king ran a hand over his face as his jumbled mind continued to replay the events of the previous minutes.

After Bifur's apparent connection, Fili had allowed the others near him, keeping a cautious eye on each nonetheless as he munched away on his leaf. A quick examination of his head had revealed the lump Kili had felt earlier, though by now it had surely doubled in size. It had been enough to draw a wince from Bofur and a furrowed brow from Thorin. "This will need treating," he had stated gruffly, eyes hovering over his nephew apprehensively.

Kili had filled the group in on their search for ingredients from the sighting of the deer to Fili's fall, somewhat glossing over his brother's "slight change in behavior". The image of Fili prancing, however, drew many a snicker from Bofur.

Thorin had most certainly _not _been amused.

Crouching slightly in front of his nephew now, Thorin felt the all too familiar pang of worry deep in his core. It would take quite a hit over the head to knock one unconscious. But to make him believe himself to be another creature entirely? Aule only knew what sort of damage might have been done. He banished the thought from his head. For now, they needed to concentrate on returning Fili to camp.

Thorin slowly extended a hand to Fili in what he hoped was an inviting gesture. His nephew simply stared at the offered hand and swallowed the last of his leaf, expressionless.

The utter ridiculousness of the situation unexpectedly hit Thorin full force, and he found himself somewhat slack jawed, mouth slightly gaping like a fish out of water as he searched for the right words to say. How in Durin's name had their quest come to _this?_

Still unsure of what one usually says to a dwarf-thought-deer, Thorin shut his mouth with a faint _click_ and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Fili, we're going to help you. But first we need to get you back up to the camp."

No reaction. Not one to be discouraged, Thorin pressed on. "We don't want you injuring yourself further, so we need you to keep as still as possible. Do you understand?" Judging by Fili's vacant expression, he assumed not. _No matter, _Thorin thought grimly, _we'll be moving him all the same._

Struck by a sudden idea, Thorin clenched his hand shut tightly and slowly hovered it in front of Fili's face. The blonde's attention snapped fully on to the closed hand waving in front of him, eyes tracking its movement in severe anticipation. The corners of Thorin's mouth turned up in a ghost of a smirk as he stood, continuing the waving motion. He had once teased the lads' pup back in the Blue Mountains in the same manner, offering nonexistent food to the dog in an attempt to help it find its legs and follow him home after it had gotten lost in one of the many caverns. As Thorin had expected, Fili reacted just as the pup had.

Thorin backed quickly to the rock face where the others were beginning to grow restless. His nephew trotted eagerly after him, eyes never leaving the closed hand. The young dwarf cast a vaguely suspicious glance at Thorin's face before leaning forward towards the clenched fist, sniffing keenly.

Quick as the hammers in the forge, Thorin gripped Fili under the arms and hoisted him up to Bifur. A bleat of protest escaped Fili's lips as he began to struggle vainly in Bifur's grip. Bifur huffed in effort and lifted the flailing mass of short limbs and blonde hair to Bofur, who used the momentum to swiftly swing the lad to Kili above. Kili caught hold of Fili's arms and wobbled slightly with a frown. Their meticulously planned chain felt due to collapse at any moment. Readjusting his grip on "heir Deerin", Kili glanced upwards and spotted Dwalin leaning as far over the edge as he was able. "C'mon then, pass him here!" the taller dwarf fairly shouted down. With a quick puff, Kili heaved his brother over his head and wrangled him into the waiting arms of Dwalin. Gloin then in turn assisted Dwalin with pulling the still writhing Fili over the edge to safety.

Thorin let out a long breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. His moment of relief was short lived however, because sure enough-

"Woah, Bofur! Keep it steady!"

"Careful, cousin! Don't lose yer footing down there!"

"Quit moving about so much! Bifur! BIFUUUUUUURRRR!"

It was all Thorin could do to not bury his face in his hands as the stack of dwarves toppled over dramatically, piling the three in a tangled, loudly cursing heap.

_"Ezun umkhusûn!" **_

**_~SoS~_**

Climbing the rock face went much more smoothly once Fili was safely out of the picture. Having scrambled up the incline, the small group now sat once more atop the drop off to catch their breath, keeping a safe distance from the trampled bush and the edge.

Fili had worn himself out struggling, and was now laying on his side with an almost comical expression of shock struck across his face. Kili sat beside his brother, one hand protectively covering the blonde head on his lap while he cast a critical eye over him, checking for signs of further injuries from the climb. Bifur was tending to Bofur's eye as best he could, muttering ancient balderdash, while Gloin and Dwalin sat patiently awaiting an explanation.

Thorin was the first to fully recover himself. He stood and brushed the small bits of rubble that had insistently clung to his palms after the short climb. "We should move," he said plainly, sparing a glance to the slowly deepening sky. It would not be wise to linger in the forest for much longer. Turning his gaze back to Fili, he lost himself in thought for a moment. The lad probably didn't trust him to pull the same trick he had at the base of the cliff to get him to follow. A slight frown pulled at his lips at the realization. He hadn't thought of that.

Eventually, the group decided it would be easiest on both them and Fili to carry the recovering dwarf back to camp. Kili offered to carry him first and hoisted his brother over his shoulders, keeping a firm grip on his arms and legs. His brow furrowed as Fili made a small distressed sound but did not struggle.

"Something wrong, Fee?"

He felt brainless even before the final word passed his lips. Of _course_ something was wrong. Otherwise he wouldn't be walking with his brother on his back like some hunter's prize. He backtracked quickly, "I mean, something that is not _obviously_ wrong, of course. You can tell me."

Fili did not rise to take the bait and instead chose to lapse back into silence, burying his face in the back of Kili's neck. A sigh wormed its way out of Kili's lungs as he continued his trek towards camp.

Trudging along behind the group, Dwalin fell back in line with Thorin. "So will you be telling us just what exactly is ailing the lad? He seemed right fit to flee before he collapsed," he said with a glint of confusion in his eye. Thorin spared a sideways glance at Dwalin before responding. "I will explain when we regroup. I'd rather not need repeat myself four hundred times over."

A glimpse of the sun's weakening rays through the trees revealed the thinning of the forest. It would not be long before they reached the camp.

Kili readjusted his posture, twisting his neck with a satisfying _crack._ The slight noise earned a muffled sound of confusion from Fili, who lifted his head away from Kili's to investigate the suspicious sound.

Smiling slightly, Kili cracked his neck again. He was rewarded by a surprised noise that was a cross between a bark and a bleat. A chuckle escaped his lips before he could suppress it, and guilt immediately settled over his conscience. He wanted nothing more than to return his brother to the world of the at least somewhat sane, but he had to admit…

It would be amusing having heir Deerin around the camp for at least a _little _while.

As the sun passed its peak and began its long descent into the west, the weary group finally stumbled out of the trees and into the encampment. Thorin noted with a slight touch of pride that the others had effectively taken up strategic positions around the small area. Shouts of relief and curiosity were taken up by all as the rescue party was quickly swarmed.

Noting an aggressive rumbling from Fili's throat and the sudden tension in his limbs, Kili raised his voice above the din. "Fili needs medical assistance. And it would do him some good if you were all to remain calm and _quiet_!" Much to his relief, the company settled somewhat, concern still hanging thick in the air. Oin ushered him over to the medical pack, and Kili set his brother down gratefully. Fili sat rigidly, eyeing Oin and the others crowded around in a fashion not unlike that of a field mouse to a hawk. Oin turned his eye to Kili, confusion passing over his features.

Before Oin could ask any questions, Kili settled beside Fili and placed a hand reassuringly on his brother's shoulder. "It's alright, Fee. Mister Oin is just going to check your head. He can help." Glancing meaningfully at Oin, Kili continued to chatter aimlessly in what he hoped was a calm tone, and grinned slightly as he noted Fili visibly relax. Oin gave one last puzzled glance before hunkering down to inspect Fili.

As Fili was being treated, Bombur and Bifur stood slightly to the side with Bofur, insisting that the hat-clad dwarf have his eye checked over by Oin as well. Bilbo and Ori hovered anxiously around the young Durins and Oin, waiting for a chance to offer assistance. The others now stood around Thorin, waiting impatiently for an explanation.

Thorin was clearly reluctant to share.

Being king, he was the authority figure, meaning he had the usual (and unfortunate) job of distributing information as it came. Normally, he would stand tall and speak what needed saying, but in this case, he found himself inexplicably unwilling.

_Maybe Kili should be the one to explain, _he thought grudgingly. After all, he was still unclear on all of the details as it were. Not to mention he felt more than a little absurd discussing his nephew's predicament.

Keeping his face carefully blank, Thorin sat in front of the long forgotten stew pot and stared into its depths to avoid the gazes of the others, somewhat hoping they would not outright question him as to what had happened. He silently urged Oin to finish treating Fili so Kili could join the rest and spin his tale with the childlike fervor only Kili could hold. He was not so willing to tell the others of Fili's newfound adoration of greens. Or tackling. That, he would most _definitely_ prefer to keep undisclosed.

A gruff voice broke through his thoughts.

"Well then? What exactly _happened_ to the poor lad?"

_Confound it all._

* * *

*** "Annoying archer!"**

**** "I ****_hate_**** deer!"**

**These are ****_very _****loosely translated. I'm no expert in Khuzdul, so I was scrounging the web for some phrases and translators and this is what I found. ^^;**

**So what are your thoughts so far? Is it too slow? Are the chapters too short? What do you want to see happen next? I am quite literally sitting down and making this up as I go. So far, there is no solid destination for this story, so I'm completely open to suggestions!**

**Next update might not be for a little while (curse you, college statistics!) **

**My muse is surviving on your feedback! (I can see how many of you are reading this without reviewing! Don't be shy! :) )**


	4. Of Snickering and Stew

**Author's Note: **

**AND THEN, UPDATE. **

**HALP. Guys, seriously. Stop me from writing. I need to study for stats. I swear I didn't mean to open this document and spend the hour polishing a new chapter. Send help. And caffeine. **

**Lucky for you anyways, you get new heir Deerin adventures! Nice long chapter for you here. Expect shenanigans and some extreme, unintended fluffiness at the end of this chapter!**

**Thank you to all who reviewed and offered suggestions! (By the way, I've been responding to reviews through PM. Just making sure you know!)**

* * *

The silence that had descended over the camp was thick with a tension that Thorin was almost certain could have been cut with a dagger. He indulged himself in a fleeting moment of amusement as he surveyed the varying expressions now gracing the waiting faces surrounding him.

Taking a deep breath, he haltingly began his tale. Murmurs of concern and glances of pity were offered to Fili from the group at the newly acquired knowledge of the young dwarf's fall. Kili interjected at some points in the story to clarify a few details, but left most of the tale to Thorin, much to his annoyance. The mischievous glimmer in Kili's eye told Thorin that his nephew knew all too well how uncomfortable he was.

If not for several boughts of sudden flustered coughing that seemed to be interrupting the king's speech more frequently, the company may have all but set the matter aside and moved on to reset the camp for the night. The constant disruption only caused the company's interest to deepen however, and soon interjections of "go on, then" and "what happened next" entwined themselves into the murmurs of the group.

Thorin had yet to acknowledge his nephew's change in behavior, and was searching for the words to state the fact in such a way that did not sound as if the lad had gone _completely_ off his rocker. Taking in a deep breath, the raven haired king decided to simply plunge into the details, assuming (more so _hoping_) that the company would take them with respect and decorum. Eyes glimmered around him with bewilderment and unease at the leader's reluctance to finish his tale.

Thorin was suddenly spared from having to immediately vocalize Fili's diagnosis by the very dwarf in question.

Oin's soothing voice drifted across the silently waiting cluster of dwarves.

"It's alright, laddie, I'll just be putting some of this salve on that lump there."

Bilbo's nervous voice joined Oin's. "Keep still, Fili! This can only help y-_OUCH_!"

The hobbit's sudden, startled exclamation shifted the focus of the company to the small huddle gathered around the medicine pack. Kili appeared to be restraining Fili, who in turn was easing back against his brother's arms with a snort. Thorin noted with apprehension that his nephew had resumed his triumphantly vacant gaze. Bilbo was sprawled none too elegantly over the dirt, annoyance and concern battling for dominance over his features. With the help of Oin and Ori, he sat up and rubbed his chest with a slight wince before turning to stare incredulously at Kili. When Kili offered no clarification, the hobbit turned his gaze to Thorin, eyes fairly popping from his head in mild pain and confusion. "He _boxed _me! With the backs of his hands! Like… like he had _hooves_ or something!"

Dwalin, Gloin, Kili, Bifur, and Bofur maintained an air of casual disinterest (though a smile threateningly twitched at the edges of Bofur's lips).

All eyes were now boring into Thorin, making him frown slightly. Lifting his head high, he met the gazes of the company.

"Fili hit his head with quite some force. It is a miracle he was able to stand, let alone ((he carefully avoided the word prance)) _walk_ afterwards. A blow to the head such as the one he took would be enough to addle _anyone's_ mind. Now I'm sure he will be-"

"He thinks he's a stag."

If looks could kill, Thorin's glare would have severed Kili's head clean from his shoulders.

Kili had the mind to look mildly sheepish at his outburst as all heads swiveled towards him. He shrugged with a glance towards Thorin, one arm still firmly holding Fili in place. "Might as well warn them now."

Another uncomfortable silence descended over the camp, the company clearly awaiting further elaboration. Kili shifted his position slightly and cleared his throat. "I think it was the sight of the deer that stuck with him. It would have been one of the last substantial occurrences that he would have known before taking the fall." Unable to meet Thorin's _almost_ pleading gaze, he pressed on. "When he woke up, he charged me. Before I could recover, he had taken off across the field with all the grace of a full grown stag."

Sensing the attention now placed upon him, Fili blinked owlishly up at the company before letting out his small, barking bleat. Seemingly satisfied by the reaction he received, the blonde turned his head slightly and began to rifle through the layers of fabric covering Kili's shoulder with his nose in search for stray grass.

As the tense silence stretched on, Thorin shifted uncomfortably. The gaze of the company slowly turned back to him, the uncertainty palpable in their eyes. Feeling the need to break the hush, he blurted out the first thought that entered his mind.

"He's taken a liking to grasses. And leaves. And… other greens."

This revelation did surprisingly little to ease the stares burning into what felt like his very soul.

Several seconds passed before Ori offered his own input.

"But he doesn't even like lettuce…" *

The pure innocence and bewilderment held within this statement broke the company out of its stupor. Snorts quickly gave way to chuckles, chuckles gave way to stifled chortles…

And suddenly, the camp was in uproar.

Of all the reactions Thorin had been expecting, this was most certainly _not _one of them. He gaped incredulously as many of his fellow dwarves fairly fell over one another laughing.

Indeed, it appeared only Ori, Oin, Bifur, Balin, and Bilbo had not joined in the guffaws echoing around the clearing. Nori was clutching Ori's shoulder, doubled over in laughter and ignoring the mildly confused expression on his brother's face. Dori was attempting to stifle his own chuckles, and wound up spluttering like an old faucet. Bombur was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as Bofur rolled onto his back and howled with laughter, consumed by the amusement that had been threatening to overtake him for the better part of the afternoon. Gloin was positively _roaring_, smacking a hand smartly over his knee for lack of being capable of much else at the moment. Kili had been among the first to display his mirth in great guffaws, the absurdity of what had befallen his brother once again temporarily overtaking his worry. Dwalin let loose a hearty bark, but ceased his merriment abruptly at the all too familiar sight of Thorin's barely concealed annoyance.

Thorin stood quickly, bringing about a minor halt to several of the boughts of laughter rolling through the camp. Thinly veiled irritation seeped into his voice.

"Have you no _shame?_ The lad's been fairly knocked out of his senses, and all you can think to react is to _chortle_?"

The laughter ceased momentarily, though wide grins of amusement remained etched across many of the company's faces. Nori stepped forward, shoulders shaking from barely contained mirth. "Begging your pardon, sir, but surely even _you _must admit there to be some slight irony here."

"Aye, y'could say it's minor payback for all of those nasty little pranks he's been pulling on us with that brother of his!" Bombur added. Kili's half-hearted shout of indignation went unnoticed.

Thorin's glare silenced the group once again. "And what," he growled, "of the fact that he may _remain _in this mindset? What then? You plan to continue to chuckle and jibe if he does not recover his wits?"

This sobered the company instantly, and sheepish expressions arose aplenty among those who were gathered around.

Kili glanced towards his brother to avoid his uncle's eye and let out a sharp curse.

Fili was no longer beside him.

"Where did he go?!"

Heads swiveled left and right in search of the dwarf-thought-deer, a new sense of panic slowly rising over the camp. Thorin spun on spot, fear clenching his heart momentarily. If the lad had made his way back into the woods, they would be almost certain to _never _find him! He began to hastily call out orders. "Nori, Kili, and Ori, sweep the perimeter. We must find him before he h-"

He never finished the sentence. A short yell expelled itself from his lips as he was launched over the felled tree trunk he had previously been using as a seat. Landing once more on his already smarting back, Thorin cursed, eyes darting left and right to find what had caused him to trip. With mounting fury, he noted that the company had inexplicably dissolved back into riotous laughter (his anger heightened when he realized that even the elder dwarfs had chimed in with a chuckle or two).

Seething, the king sat up with a glare that could boil oceans. "What has come over the lot of you? Have you been raised by _wolves? _If this is the behavior my court is doomed to behold, then-"

He stopped his tirade abruptly, finally seeing the source of both his fall and the renewed merriment.

Fili crouched innocently behind the tree stump, eyes wide and momentarily clear with obvious amusement. Judging from his position, it would appear he had bucked Thorin over the stump.

Thorin found his wit to have abandoned him as he stared up at his nephew. Finally, with a groan, he allowed himself to fall back to the ground with a thud, arms landing heavily at his sides. Ignoring the uproarious laughter echoing around him, he covered his face with an arm and began a long, creative strand of curses that would have surely made even a sailor blush.

_Mahal preserve me and pray that __**I**__ do not go mad before this journey ends..._

**_~SoS~_**

The sun had set on what was most definitely a long and arduous day.

With the help of Bifur, Kili and Oin had gotten Fili to cooperate long enough to apply a generous slathering of salve over the painful bump on his head. Bofur had his eye treated as well, his usual carefree smile replaced with a slight grimace. Kili made a point of avoiding him for the remainder of the day.

The company unanimously agreed to keep camp until the next morning with hopes that Gandalf would find his way back from searching out the 'friend' he had mentioned soon. Thorin heaved a weary sigh. The old wizard had not mentioned how long it would take to find this 'friend' of his, and had been missing from the company for several days now. Thorin held hopes that the wizard would be able to right Fili's mind, but in the meantime, he would have to muddle through whatever was dealt.

Gloin had started the fire back up again, and the flames crackled and danced merrily into the night, throwing embers towards the star studded sky. Bombur stirred the contents of the stew pot one final time before calling to the others and dishing out portions, though with much more of a flourish than he had in the morning.

Dwalin had taken a small hunting party out earlier to quickly scavenge what they could before the sun had dipped below the horizon. They had returned triumphantly, holding a strand of four healthy sized rabbits high over their heads.

Kili had spluttered indignantly for some time, demanding to know just how such "clumsy, bumbling, over-bearers such as themselves managed to not startle away anything within a mile's distance."

He was not graced with an answer.

Ignoring the slowly cooling bowl of stew placed before him, Thorin trained his gaze onto his nephews.

Kili was currently coaxing his brother into trying some of the rabbit stew, but Fili was defiantly refusing, a visible twitch of disgust rolling across his feautures. After watching for some time from across the camp, Bifur stood and made his way around the happily slurping dwarves to sit on the other side of Fili. He nodded a greeting to Kili before offering a rare smile to Fili and reaching into his pockets to pull forth handfuls of lush green grasses and an assortment of leaves that Thorin had witnessed him painstakingly picking all throughout the afternoon.

Kili's mouth flapped in colorful protest, and he smacked the greenery out of the offered hand, waving his arms about in fervent objection. Bifur looked positively thunderous as he stared at the leaves now scattered across the ground. Turning his glare to Kili, the gruff dwarf let loose his own torrent of argument, hands signing rapidly and pointing in turn between the stew and the leaves. Kili responded with something just as energetic, and his retort earned several barks of laughter from the dwarves around him.

Thorin was unable to hear the exchange, but found his mood somehow lighter watching the two bicker. It was unusual to see Bifur so lively.

Turning to his untouched stew, Thorin frowned despite his slightly lifted mood. If they were to experience many more delays such as this, Durin's day would surely come and go before they even reached the base of the Lonely Mountain.

He was roused from his pessimistic musings by more shouts of amusement. Turning his head in confusion, he found his view of Fili now blocked by just about all of the dwarves, stew bowls laying unattended about the camp, forgotten. Thorin eased himself to his feet (noting with satisfaction that his back cracked slightly more into place) and made his way over to the group. He gruffly announced his presence.

"What cause is there to all this racket?"

The indulgent smiles on the faces that turned to him took him slightly off guard, and he stepped forward through the gap they had made in trepidation. The sight before him caused him to grunt out what might have been a short, humorless laugh.

Bifur was scratching Fili behind the ears, eyes sparkling in amusement. Fili in turn had his head tilted back, eyes closed in blissful slits. A goofily grinning Kili sat on his other side, scratching him lightly on the neck.

Thorin did not even attempt to actively interfere this time. With another exasperated grunt, he spun on his heel and marched back past his stew bowl, curtly announcing that he would be taking the first watch.

As the others slowly drifted back to their bedrolls and dropped off for the night, Thorin made himself comfortable sitting against the tree stump. Kili meandered past on the way to grabbing his bedroll. He spared a glance at his uncle with a hint of a grin. "D'you think Fili will be needing his as well? He might prefer the open-"

Thorin cut him off harshly. "Never mind what he _prefers._ Get him his pack and make him sleep on it like a sensible _dwarf._"

Kili's eyes widened almost imperceptibly, and he hurried off to gather together Fili's belongings without another word.

Thorin sighed as his sudden wave of irritation receded, leaving him feeling utterly weary to the core.

**~SoS~**

Orcrist gleamed proudly in the light of the fire beside him, and the stars over his head sparkled like diamonds tossed across velvet. The wind whispered promises of rain, though not a cloud was to be seen above.

The snores of Thorin's companions echoed around the clearing. Left alone to face his thoughts, Thorin suddenly found he did not necessarily wish to. The events of the day had unsettled him more than he would ever admit. Guilt had already settled over him from his unnecessarily callous words to Kili. He did not mean anything by his gruff attitude; he just failed to see the humor in his nephew's injury.

Sighing deeply, he let his dark eyes rove over the company, resting them on the sleeping forms of his nephews. Kili was curled protectively around his brother, while Fili slept with his arms and legs bowed beneath him. Unsurprisingly, Bifur had moved his bedroll closer to the brothers, and lay sleeping peacefully for what must have been the first night in a long while.

Thorin still found it difficult to find peace in night.

The silence and emptiness of the darkness allowed his thoughts to roam much too freely, calling upon memories of times he would have much rather forgotten long ago. Despite it being so early in his watch, the exiled king could feel the beat of his mind already drifting into those dark times. A long breath rumbled forth from his lungs as he settled himself in for a long, painstakingly _empty_ watch.

So lost in his despairing musings was Thorin that he failed to notice the shadowed form settling by his side. He jumped as it brushed his hand, and cursed his stupidity for allowing himself to be so easily distracted by his thoughts. Turning his gaze to the offending object, he found himself staring into the bright eyes of his eldest nephew.

Fili was in the process of curling comfortably at Thorin's side, eyes gazing up through blonde lashes with an imploring look and an unnatural calm. A small, sad noise gently emitted from his throat, and he nudged Thorin's hand with the top of his head.

Unsure of how to react, Thorin paused a moment before allowing his hand to rest atop Fili's head. After another long moment, he began to slowly stroke his fingers over the fair locks in what he considered was a soothing gesture. Fili made a tiny noise of content before his eyes closed gently, and he burrowed his head into Thorin's shoulder.

Thorin paused another moment as Fili's soft snores began to fill the air. He gazed down at his nephew uncertainly. He was unused to such open displays of affection.

The lad's form was peaceful in his slumber, and there was no tension marring his brow as he drifted gently through dreams.

The king continued to stare at the sleeping form curled against him, and something within his eyes softened. A tiny smile crept its way onto his face as he resumed gently running his hand over Fili's head, humming a small, sweet tune from his childhood as he returned his eyes to the camp with new light.

His mind would not haunt him on this night.

* * *

*** This line is directly from the "Young Hercules" episode with Dean O'Gorman's deer impersonation. Thanks for pointing it out to me, Elenhin!**

**Don't forget to leave a review! I'm still accepting your ideas and integrating them into the chapters! :)**

**And now I'm off to get my (procrastinating) self my notes and the strongest coffee I have in this dorm. Wish me luck, guys…**


	5. When Push Comes to Shove

**Author's Note: **

**New chapter! :D Hopefully I was able to get out of my essay/statistics/school-in-general mindset enough to make it believable! **

**Quick note: After reviewing the chapter, I realized that the whole "having a supply pack" thing wouldn't work with the timeline. But that was a lot of writing and I don't think you would like to wait much longer! So let's just slightly ignore that, shall we? Let's assume some packs made it out of the goblin caves.**

**I've had questions about pairings. THIS IS A GEN STORY. There are no intentional pairings here. I don't write in that genre.**

**Ok! On you go, then! Expect some (sort of) plot development and some new hilarity in heir Deerin behavior! (once again, thank you Hobbitcakes!)**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE HOBBIT. This story is my own wild creation that is absolutely ****_nothing_**** like Tolkien's genius original.**

**Happy reading! **

* * *

"Dwalin, maybe _I _should just carry Fili's pack. I doubt you'll be able to put much on his shoulders without him panicking-"

An amused snort.

"Right. It's a miracle you haven't already lost _your _pack. We just need to secure his, that's all."

"See now, _that's _not playing fair! I never let my pack out of sight!"

"Really? Tell me then, lad, who found the mass of your supplies scattered across camp this mornin' and had to gather the entire thing back together for you while you were stumbling around like a drunken mountain troll?"

Silence.

"Thought so."

Thorin rolled his eyes. Ever since they had left the camp, Kili and Dwalin had been arguing over what to do with Fili's pack. Dwalin appeared to be winning the verbal side of the debate, but the pack remained firmly slung over his shoulder, making Kili appear to be one-up. Glancing back over his shoulder, Thorin could see the two of them keeping pace with a prancing and utterly befuddled Fili.

Getting the lad to follow along with the company had been surprisingly (and relievingly) simple.

After completing his watch the night before, Thorin had woken Nori and settled in to sleep for what meager moments remained of the evening. Fili had already awoken from his short doze and had appeared to be at ease sitting curled on the grass by the stump, observing the slumbering dwarves with tranquil eyes. The last Thorin had known before the blissful arms of sleep enveloped him was that serenely blank gaze.

The morning had presented the strenuous tasks of gathering camp (with no assistance to be had from an oddly flustered Kili), waking Gloin (it was a violently well known fact by now to the others that he was most certainly _not _a morning dwarf), and finding a meal that was slightly more suitable than grass for their resident stag. After many attempted and failed trials, Fili finally expressed an exuberant interest in the berries Ori had surprisingly scavenged. The wool-clad dwarf had blushed a deep maroon and would not meet the eyes of the company when questioned as to how he knew to present them, and where and when he had found them. A mumbled "forgot about them in my pack" was all that was offered. Deciding the matter not of extreme significance in pursuing, they let the odd responses slide. Fili was eating something of actual substance, and that was all that really mattered. (Though Dori was later seen silently questioning his brother's unnecessarily timid reply.)

The company was pleasantly surprised when Fili did not display the signs of aggression he had early the day before. If anything, it appeared he felt quite content settled in with his new 'herd'. He observed the comings and goings of the bustling dwarves with a mildly curious gaze, chomping happily on his newly acquired treats. The company had finished their preparations and embarked on their journey shortly after a viciously grumbling Gloin was heaved to his feet and forced to gather his belongings. With packs slung snug to shoulders and weapons fastened to sides, the travelers set off in what they hoped was the direction towards Gandalf's mysterious 'friend'.

Grins were aplenty as Fili had trotted eagerly along after the group, eyes constantly drifting to the pocket of Ori's pack containing the berries with more than a touch of longing.

Thorin had observed the morning's antics with what could have possibly been a faint touch of... dare he say, _amusement?_ There _had_ been a slight smirk on his face at the revelation of his nephew's new found fondness of berries. (Though it _might_ have been a slight grimace of disgust at the sight of the copious vibrant-colored berry juice blotches decorating his nephew's chin.)

Thorin shook his head, snapping his thoughts back to the present. His own contemplations were beginning to confuse him! Hadn't he just yesterday been proclaiming the lack of humor in their predicament? What would the company think if he were to actually admit to finding some sense of amusement in this affair? He had been called many things in his lifetime, but a hypocrite was not one of them. Would that not provide cause for them to disregard his direction? Hadn't he lashed out at Kili when he had attempted to make light of their situation-

….

_Oh._

Kili. Thorin's face fell into a deep frown. That explained his nephew's disconcerted behavior from the morning. _The lad's probably still confused, _he thought glumly. _He doesn't even know what he did wrong…_

A sudden racket behind him drew his mind back to the current happenings of the company. Kili's voice arose once more, though a bizarre strain wove its way through his tone much like a punch-drunk honey bee.

"Look, mister Dwalin-"

"There's nothing to look at! He's putting it on no- oi! Watch that-!"

"I've got it, nothing to fuss over-"

"You most certainly have _not! _Hand that back over-"

"Mind the-!"

_Clangclangclangclangclangcla ngclangclangclANGDING CRASH!_

"… swords…"

A tense silence settled over the company as all came to a sudden halt.

Kili looked up from the mess on the trail that was once Fili's immaculately rolled pack and met the glaring eyes of Dwalin. Turning his eyes to look anywhere _but _the dangerously fuming dwarf in front of him, he blinked innocently at the twelve faces turned on him. Feeling a slight, stubborn incentive to explain himself, he shrugged and jerked a thumb in Dwalin's direction.

"And _that_ was a perfect example of how _not_ to do things."

Many an exasperated eye narrowed at Kili. The young Durin raised his eyebrows at the company's alarmingly aggravated gaze.

"…What?"

**_~SoS~_**

There were few complications in the day's travel after Kili and Dwalin's incident.

Much to the company's disappointment, there were also very few amusements.

The company had split individually, each seemingly unsure of whether or not to break the tense silence that Thorin had been upholding through the morning.

A welcome distraction in the form of small mutters arose soon enough.

Dori and Bombur were walking slightly behind the rest of the group, amicably discussing the rabbit stew that had been prepared the night before. Neither truly held any genuine interest in the conversation. The words were simply being thrown to break the general air of irritancy that had insistently followed after the company. However, the slight murmurs seemed to be having the effect they had been hoping for.

In time, most of the others had reverted back to idly chattering, and relief settled over the company as those who remained silent visibly eased.

Dwalin, however, remained absorbed in his surly grumblings, Fili's newly arranged and gathered pack secured uncomfortably snug across his back.

Fili had presented surprisingly few complications. He would occasionally make what the company now referred to as his "rounds" and trot ahead through the line, eyeing each dwarf in turn. The dwarves found these rounds to provide what little amusement they had been hoping for by returning Fili's vaguely authoritative look with nods and comically solemn expressions. After apparently accepting each dwarf's response, Fili would curiously bypass Dwalin completely (much to the relief of the giant dwarf) and would fall in line with Thorin at the front of the company.

This was secretly a vast majority of the group's (excluding Thorin) favorite part of the rounds.

Fili's stride would slightly change to resemble more of a strut, and his neck would straighten to the point of his head being tilted almost completely towards the tops of the trees moving along above them. Eyeing Thorin from the side, he would proceed to either emit a quick series of deep grunts or simply stare wildly at Thorin's face until the leader returned his glances. After seemingly deeming Thorin's response adequate, Fili would then circle back to trot alongside Kili, Ori, and Bifur.

The first few times Fili had made his rounds in this manner, Thorin had needed to practice tremendous restrain and not slap the lad silly.

At first, he had attempted ignoring his nephew's antics. When this did nothing to quell the grunts and stares, he had raised his voice in what he considered his most commanding tone and, with several choice words, told Fili to return to his place in line. Fili had almost charged him off of his feet at this apparently insufficient response. Eventually Thorin had exasperatedly met his stare in annoyed silence. To his surprise, Fili had tilted his head in what may have been a vague nod of approval, and pranced back into the line.

Thorin glanced over his shoulder for what must have been the hundredth time in the last few minutes. His eyes swept the dense wooded area surrounding the company before settling back over the dwarves.

All had lapsed into companionable silence, with the exception of the few keeping pace with Fili. Bilbo had joined the small cluster and appeared to be chattering along with the others, though Thorin noted that the Halfling kept a wary eye trained on Fili's fists. Bifur was matching Fili's stride almost perfectly and, much to the amusement of the others, was answering the occasional grunts and bleats emitting from the strutting dwarf-thought-deer. Ori was laughing openly as he scribbled something across the pages of his ever-present book.

Kili was grinning alongside the group, but Thorin knew his nephew well enough to see the trouble in the archer's eyes. If the lad continued wallowing in this _mood_ of his, he would be making mistakes that would be much more costly than a scattered supply pack.

A slight tug of guilt pulled at Thorin, and before he knew what he was doing, he was calling Kili to join him. His nephew's head snapped up immediately, and something akin to dread settled over his features as he jogged forward to meet his uncle at the front of the line. Before Kili could offer a single word, Thorin began to speak.

"I was… unnecessarily harsh with you yesterday. I didn't think it meant much, but it appears to be weighing on you more than I had realized it would. I wanted to… to make an apology_."_

Kili stared at his uncle, mouth falling open in shock.

Had his uncle, the surly and demanding king Thorin_, _just _apologized_ for being his usual, irritated self? _If I didn't know better, I would call these last few days a very, VERY strange dream, _he thought to himself with no small amount of pleasure as he watched his uncle continue to ramble on uncomfortably.

Kili's mouth slowly closed into a grin. Noting the sudden, reliving change in his nephew's features, Thorin's awkward apology ground to a halt. He quirked an eyebrow questioningly with a ghost of a grin himself. "What is it? Do you not think your uncle is capable of remorse?"

Kili shook his head fervently. "No, you've proved many times over that you are more than capable." Wincing slightly at the shadow that passed over his uncle's face, he pressed on. "I didn't take it personally. You had a rough day. I've known you long enough to know to disregard most of what you sni- ah, that is, assert," Kili finished hurriedly. Thorin's eyebrow joined the other at his hairline, and his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Then why so flustered? You were fairly fit to trip yourself into the fire this morning!"

Kili dropped his gaze to his boots before turning it back over his shoulder. "It's Fili."

_Ah. Of course._

Kili kicked out at a small rock in the path, watching as it skipped away into the woodland. "I just… just sort of hoped he would get over this whole… _episode_ after a bit of shut-eye. I wasn't too worried yesterday, but now…" He shrugged and turned his eyes back to examining his shoes. "I guess I'm just trying to think ahead."

Understanding finally settled over Thorin. At first, he had thought Kili was simply unaware of the consequences surrounding Fili's fall, when really, the lad had been more aware than even he. The only difference between them was their contemplations on a treatment.

Thorin clapped a hand over Kili's shoulder, surprising his nephew into jumping slightly.

"He'll be fine," Thorin said gruffly, "though this is not an issue that sleep alone can cure. I have hopes that the wizard's supposed friend may be able to help."

Gandalf had not stated much before leaving the company, but what little information Thorin had been able to gather suggested that this friend knew a vast amount of essentials on the treatment of animals. It was a long shot, but Thorin had been allowing his hopes to be flared by this knowledge. If the man they were seeking knew the workings of animalistic psyche, then maybe, just maybe, he would be able to somehow fix Fili's addled mind. Thorin shared these thoughts with Kili.

Kili brightened visibly at the new information. With a wide smile at his uncle, he fell back into the line to rejoin the others with a new spring in his step. Thorin grinned slightly after him before turning back to the path ahead. The day did not appear to be quite as gloomy as he had initially thought. A small tune began to dance from his lips as he struck up whistling softly.

**_~SoS~_**

"I'm not much liking the way he keeps eyeing me, lads. Is there somethin' in my beard?"

The company had made proper progress along their trail. A small river had appeared out of the forest before them, and Thorin had deemed it suitable to rest for a few moments to regain their breath.

All eyes were now turned on Dwalin, whose voice had broken the peaceful silence stretching over the small river bank. Dwalin's eyes were in turn warily regarding Fili.

From the time the company had set off from camp to the incident involving his supply pack, Fili had been avoiding Dwalin like the plague. Now, he was staring at the dwarf unblinkingly across the small clearing.

Thorin raised an eyebrow before turning his head to Bifur. Catching the eccentric dwarf's eye, he jerked his head in Fili's direction. Bifur had been the only one to really connect with Fili enough to keep the blonde at least _slightly _in check.

Bifur nodded with a grunt and began to stand, but promptly froze as he took in the sight before him. Thorin turned his gaze swiftly back to his nephew. Fili had taken a few steps towards Dwalin, something akin to a threat settling into his stare. Thorin glanced back to Bifur, who was now shaking his head slowly with what could have easily been pity. Sitting back down and looking up at his leader, Bifur shrugged his shoulders and allowed a hint of mirth to enter his eyes before signing something to Thorin. The king's eyes clouded in confusion at the signs.

_Leader. Ladder._

Unsure of if he had read the signs correctly or if the miscommunication was simply due to Bifur's muddled wits, Thorin turned back to the clearing. His eyes settled over the scene just in time to make sense of Bifur's warnings.

Fili had circled, slowly and stiffly, to Dwalin's left, head tilted low and a deep rumble releasing from his throat. Dwalin had in turn stepped away somewhat anxiously. The tall dwarf's eyes darted around to catch the others'. "Alright, now, this is getting' to be a bit too tense for me. Someone want to tell me what the bunyip he's doin'?" His eyes found Fili's again, and Dwalin lowered his head in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

If anyone had an answer, they did not have the time to offer it.

Without warning, Fili sprinted the remaining few feet between him and Dwalin and practically _flew _off of his feet, arms held stiffly at ready in front of his torso. Caught astonished, Dwalin let out a shout before Fili's fists connected with his chest. Dwalin stumbled back several steps before regaining his balance enough to brace himself for the next attack.

It never came.

Fili had resumed his indifferently victorious expression, and was now regarding him with curious eyes.

Dwalin turned a disbelieving stare to the others. After a tense moment of gawking, the company broke into howls of laughter.

"Look at that, then! The rough and tough warrior Dwalin, caught unawares by a mere lad!"

"Nay, give him credit where it's due! The lad's actually an unstable _stag_, remember?"

"Didja see how _nervous_ he got? All over a few tiny shoves!"

Dwalin's face reddened considerably. "That's enough, you lot!" He shouted, pointing furiously into the group of chuckling dwarves. "Y'would have been tense too if y'had seen the look in his eyes!" The company continued to chuckle, the mood considerably lighter than it had been moments before. Kili was the first to raise the question playing in all of their minds.

"So what was _that _all about anyway? I thought he'd stopped with the tackling…"

Thorin turned to Bifur, who shot a knowing glance up at the leader. Turning back to the company, Thorin signaled for silence. He forced the grin pulling at his mouth to settle back into a firm, straight line. "Dominance. It would appear our Fili has been questioning Dwalin's position in the company."

The laughter returned full force as Dwalin's face grew even redder and he began to splutter indignantly. "Why, I oughta-!"

Ori interrupted whatever threat Dwalin was forming. "It's true!" He piped up. "Deer have strict hierarchal status. They challenge each other when they think one is out of line!"

Many a surprised eye turned on Ori. Suddenly nervous of the attention, Ori began to pick at a stray thread on his cardigan. "Or so I've heard…" he mumbled.

Bilbo sat next to him, a bewildered smile on his face. "Where are you getting all of this information on deer, Ori? You knew about the berries before, and now this?"

Ori looked up with a slight grin. "I've been making note of the animals we see as we go. There was a herd of deer back before the Misty Mountains that I watched for a while…"

Glances were exchanged. Ori deserved more credit than they gave him when it came to observation!

Nori thumped a hand on his brother's back. "Well, it's nice to know we've got a resident deer expert then! Would've been nice to know _sooner!" _

Ori huffed and rubbed at his smarting shoulder. "I'm no _expert,_" he said with a hint of irritation, "but I do know a thing or two. Besides, I've only got one page for deer."

Thorin made his way across the river bank. "Noted. Good work, Ori. That will come in handy." Ori beamed at the approval, and Thorin returned the smile with a small grin. He turned back to the company. Fili was sitting by Bifur, who had resorted back to scratching the blonde behind the ears to keep him occupied. Dwalin was still heatedly bickering with Bofur and Gloin over being "brutally pushed" because of the lack of instinct in "that thick skull o' his."

Thorin whistled piercingly, demanding the attention of the others. "We're moving. Gather yourselves." The dwarves shuffled about, collecting what meager belongings they still had. With astounding speed, the company was back on the road.

Newfound energy was thrumming throughout the group, and humming was taken up by several, woven through with an occasional whistle. The sudden sound of a flute joined the merry din, and soon enough words were being tossed about to fit the tune. After several laughable attempts, it was the hobbit who eventually formed the lyrics that fit the song. Merry voices rose above the trees, and the trills of the flute skipped joyfully against the forest. Thorin allowed himself to hum along with the impromptu melody. Without fully meaning to, he permitted himself a full-on smile, intoxicated with the optimistic energy that had taken hold of the dwarves.

It would appear not every aspect of this journey was a hardship. That is-

"Bofur, pick up the pace with that flute! You're falling behind!"

"Ohhh, I'm surprised y' can even _hear _it over that tone-deaf warbling y' call _singing_, mister Dwalin! Did the lad damage yer throat when he _barely_ shoved ya?"

"Oi! Let it go, for Durin's sake! Stop your laughing, you lot! It wasn't funny! _Where are you finding the HUMOR in this?!"_

Lucky for him, no one heard Thorin's sudden short bark of laughter joining the din.

* * *

**The song at the end is "The Road Goes Ever On" (which my username is based on!). It's sung by Bilbo at some point, but we never hear much more about it, so I threw it in for good measure. **

**I felt like making Ori have some knowledge of deer. Surprise! I figured what with all of the records he keeps, he must have made note of the animals at some point. Not to worry, as he said, he doesn't know enough to stop any shenanigans from occuring!**

**Hope this chapter wasn't horrible. My brain is quite literally just as crazed as Fili's for the moment. I have an idea for a plot twist, however. ****We'll see how the next chapter plays out…**

**Don't forget to leave a review! Feedback means quicker updates! :D**


	6. Laze, Graze, and Run Away

**THERE IS A VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER. MAKE SURE YOU READ IT IF YOU WANT MORE CHAPTERS COMING TO YOU QUICKER! (and if you want a say in how this all ends!)**

**What's this? An actual plotline being introduced in this chapter?**

**This story has evolved far beyond what I had intended it to be! From here on out, this story is truly going to have a goal!**

**I apologize for the delay. I must have rewritten this chapter 5 times, and I'm still not completely satisfied with it. Check back soon, as I will probably be modifying it tomorrow. Nice long chapter for you though!**

**Thanks to all who have read/reviewed/favorited! :)**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

The music and merriment held true for most of the day and many, many miles, the tunes pausing but moments to allow a jibe or two at a thoroughly fuming Dwalin's expense. The large dwarf had given up on vocalizing his displeasure, and instead chose to stomp along near the front of the company in seething silence.

Balin grinned to himself as he quietly observed the company's antics. The old dwarf glanced about the group in search of a companion and, catching Thorin's eye, fell into step with the leader. He inclined his head good-naturedly, and was rewarded with a warm grin from Thorin.

Balin nodded in his brother's direction. "This keeps up much longer, and I'm certain Dwalin will be fit to fry an entire ham with that steaming head of his."

Thorin chuckled softly, sparing a glance in the direction of Dwalin, who was now being circled by an incessantly prancing Bofur. The glare on the towering dwarf's face was murderous as Bofur began to slightly alter the lyrics of their tune to fit the story of "a miserably ashamed warrior" who enjoyed "picking fights with does."

Needless to say, the new lyrics had caught on with the company like wildfire.

Shaking his head at the scene before him, Thorin rolled his shoulders, wincing ever so slightly as his back _popped _once more. A disgruntled frown tugged at his mouth. Fili's tackle from the day before had yet to truly relinquish its detriments on his back. _When did the lad get so strong? _Thorin thought grumpily as another resounding _crack_ issued from his neck.

His eyes drifted over the company as he began to silently count the merry group. Without Gandalf present to maintain constant headcounts, Thorin had found himself conducting them almost subconsciously as he lead them further through the forest.

_One, two, three…_

Ori, Dori, and Nori were keeping a safe distance from Dwalin, though they did not appear to be practicing any restraint in singing along with the new lyrics Bofur had spun.

_Four, five, six, seven…_

Bombur walked alongside Bifur, Oin, and Gloin, laughing heartily as his cousin added elaborate gestures to the song.

_Eight, nine, ten…_

Kili had joined Bofur and Dwalin at the front of the group, and was expertly ducking the occasional swinging fist from Dwalin as the mischievously grinning dwarf spun his own harmonious lyrics alongside Bofur's.

_Eleven, twelve…_

Balin had wandered away to join Bilbo, safely away from the tomfoolery. The two looked on with glints of amusement dancing through their eyes.

_Thirteen…_

Thorin remembered to count himself as he finished his impromptu survey.

…

_Wait a moment._

A sudden rap of realization struck him like the mighty forks of lightning that licked across the sky over the Blue Mountains.

"Where is Fili?"

All singing came to an abrupt halt as twelve pairs of eyes locked onto the leader. Thorin ran a second check quickly over the company as the group's eyes turned rapidly onto the surrounding area. Sure enough, they were lacking a fourteenth member. Thorin spun on the spot, craning his head to scrutinize the path behind them. There was no sight of the golden haired dwarf.

Bifur stood amidst the searching dwarves, arms waving like windmills at his sides. No attention was turned to him. Either the group did not see his wild gesturing, or chose to pass it off as Bifur simply being Bifur, much to his annoyance.

Gloin was whipping his head back and forth, confusion clouding his eyes. "The lad was just here not moments ago! He was right there!" He pointed a thick finger at a spot several feet behind Ori.

Bifur flapped his arms harder, gesturing rapidly between Ori and the woods. Once again, no notice was taken.

As Ori turned to glance behind him, a tangled heap of sticks fell from an open pocket in his pack. The young dwarf stooped to pick them up, an uncertain expression on his face as he inspected the small collection of prickly twigs. Comprehension dawned on him as he held the twigs up for the others to see. "This was practically overflowing with berries when I picked it, and I definitely didn't give _that _many to Fili! He must have gotten hungry and worked them out of my pack!"

Before this information had truly sunk in, Bifur let out a loud grunt and pointed into the shadows of the foliage behind them with a wildly flapping hand. The company barely had time to register Bifur's warning and face the gap in the forest when Fili burst forward out of the tree line, knocking Ori clean off of his feet.

Nori and Dori heaved their thoroughly bemused brother up from the dirt while Kili seized Fili's shoulders to keep him from tumbling over as well. He turned his brother towards him, noting that there were indeed several more splotches of berry juice adorning his chin. An odd, wild look of exhilaration was blazing in the elder's eye, and the worry Kili had been dampening all afternoon began to creep back into his mind. Kili narrowed his eyes as he noted a small leaf dangling from Fili's lip.

"Fee, where did you go?"

The unusual look of enthusiasm refused to leave Fili's eyes as he looked between Kili and Bifur. Apparently settling on Bifur, Fili let loose a torrent of bleats and snorts, earnest excitement shining in his face. Bifur exchanged a bemused glance with Kili before tilting his head back to Fili. After another moment of listening, Bifur turned to the company with a shrug and a questioning sign: _Follow him?_

Thorin blinked. Follow Fili? Had the lad found something?

Before the decision could be consciously made, Fili wormed his way out of his brother's grip and sprung back into the trees, glancing over his shoulder with a snort to ensure the others were following.

They had no choice but to set off in pursuit.

As the group made their way through the trees, Thorin could hear Bofur questioning his cousin from somewhere up ahead.

"Bifur, did you see Fili wander away from the company?"

The affirmative bob of Bifur's head was so enthusiastic that Thorin could clearly see it from the back of the group. Bofur's head tilted in turn. "Why didn't ye say so, then?"

The only response was a sudden yelp as Bifur "accidently" stomped on Bofur's toes.

It did not take long before the trees began to thin and the ground underfoot appeared to soften. A sudden break in the tree line revealed a small meadow, lush grass swaying gently in a breath of wind. Kili felt a shiver run down his spine, though it was not entirely unpleasant. After the freezing gales of the Misty Mountains, the spring-sweet breeze of the forest was most welcome.

Fili had stopped in the middle of the clearing, and was now staring at the others expectantly. An awkward silence drifted over the field as the company returned the stare with mixed expressions of mystification.

A slight furrow appeared in Fili's brow, and the dwarf snorted before stamping at the ground. The eagerness faded from his eyes as the others obviously did not comprehend, and a surprisingly hurt look passed over his features. Hanging his head low, the blonde scuffed the ground lightly with his boot.

To say the company was confused was a _massive _understatement.

Ori cleared his throat lightly, fiddling with his sleeve as the attention turned onto him. "I think he just wanted to show us the meadow. Maybe he was looking for a place to eat the berries in pea-"

Ori stopped speaking, mouth hanging open as his eyes focused over the shoulders of the dwarves. The group spun back to face Fili, who was now sitting in the center of the clearing, shoulders hunched and several sprigs of grass jutting from his mouth as he chewed moodily. Splutters and snorts arose throughout the company as comprehension finally dawned on all. Fili directed a peeved glare in their direction at the sudden noise, a snort issuing between the stalks of grass clenched in his mouth.

Bofur nudged Ori slightly, his eyes twinkling. "Nay, don't you see it? This is no simple _meadow!_ It's clearly his newfound-"

Placing a hand over his face in exasperation, Thorin finished the sentence between gritted teeth.

"Grazing spot."

_**~SoS~**_

Moving Fili away from the clearing was proving to be much more difficult than the others had expected. After several failed attempts of coaxing him away from the thick grass carpeting the field, the company had somewhat reluctantly decided to rest alongside him for a short time.

Many of the dwarves were settled in companionable silence, the occasional hum of their newfound tune rising alongside the rings of smoke springing forth from pipes clenched tightly between rows of teeth.

The small cluster that had formed within the group earlier in the day sat side by side, Fili wedged in the middle of the small collection (at Bifur's oddly fervent insistence). Ori had provided him with what few berries had been left hidden away in the folds of his pack, and Bilbo and Kili were taking turns in scratching the apparently favorite spot of Fili's they had found just behind his ears.

Bilbo had at first outright refused, but upon seeing the doe-eyes Fili directed towards him, he had all but crumbled. Now, the hobbit sat with a ridiculous grin on his face, the occasional chuckle passing his lips as Fili nuzzled the hands on his head.

A rare atmosphere of perfect content hung light as a summer sigh around the group, and even Kili allowed his worries to evaporate for a moment.

Such off-guard comforts did not tempt all.

An uneasy chill had settled over Thorin not too long before they had settled with Fili in his "grazing spot", and he had been unable to shake the feeling. He had felt that chill many times before. A cold, creeping feeling at the base of his neck, which made even the tiniest of hairs stand on absolute end. The tingling at the crown of his head that did nothing to help quell the unnatural shivers which would cause patches of gooseflesh to brush over his skin. He had traveled long and far enough through forests riddled with outlaws and ill-wishers to recognize the sensation.

They were being watched.

Standing casually from his perch on a small boulder, he stowed his pipe in the folds of his coat. With a seemingly subconscious decision, he weaved through the group of lounging dwarves and came to a stop before Balin. It did not take long for his old friend to spy the trouble held in the exiled king's eyes. He had known Thorin long enough to be as close as kin, and every mannerism, every expression was familiar to him.

"Trouble?" Balin asked shortly in a hushed tone, barely allowing his mouth to move. With an imperceptible nod, Thorin turned to face the company, seemingly observing the chuckling dwarves surrounding Fili. In a tone that could have been mistaken for the wind whistling through the trees around them, Thorin breathed back his answer.

"I believe we are being followed. It feels as if someone has been observing us from the time Fili went off on his own. I would not be surprised if they are watching us as we speak…"

Balin's eyes narrowed slightly. Sparing a glance at Thorin's face, he saw the leader's eyes slowly wandering away from the company and discreetly scanning the tree lines surrounding the small field. "Are you certain?"

There was no hesitation in Thorin's nod.

With a weary sigh, Balin turned his eyes back onto the company, noting with a slight twinge of amusement that Dwalin was sitting well across the clearing, as opposite to Fili as possible. Dwalin turned his head in time to catch Balin looking, and shot his elder brother a defiant glare. Shaking his head, Balin directed his attention back to Thorin. "Would you like me to inform the others, then?"

Thorin slowly inclined his head in agreement with a slight murmur. "Make it discreet."

Balin stretched his arms ahead of him, groaning as the tense muscles in his shoulders protested the movement. "Think I'll sit myself down for a short while. If you'll excuse me, Thorin." An imperceptible wink passed between the two, and the white haired dwarf made his way to the huddle surrounding Fili.

Fili had settled into dozing lightly in the middle of the group, his limbs tucked tightly beneath him and his head barely resting upon Kili's knee. The younger looked up from experimentally prodding at the diminishing lump on the elder brother's head as Balin approached. Kili offered a grin and gestured to the open space beside him.

"Lookin' to cop a seat, mister Balin?"

Balin allowed a grin to play across his face as well as he settled slowly besides the brothers. He cast an eye over Fili's head, noting the knot which Kili had just been inspecting. He leaned forward and brought his own head close to Kili's, seemingly to get a better look at Fili's progressing healing. As he gently examined the wound, a mutter escaped the side of his mouth.

"Do not react. We are being observed."

There was no change in Kili's expression as he leaned forward, disguising his intentions by poking a finger at a spot near the base of Fili's head in apparent inquiry. His hair fell over his face as he did so, masking his words.

"By who?"

Balin responded with a shake of his head. Using a somewhat louder tone, he motioned towards the spot where Kili's finger still remained pressed on Fili's head, apparently forgotten. "No, I can't say I know what that is, laddie. Best not to put too much pressure on it for now, lest he become aware."

A tinge of red entered Kili's face as he realized his blunder. He retracted his hand and shot a sideways glance to Balin, just barely catching the look the elder dwarf threw back at him. Kili inclined his head to notify that he had understood the true meaning behind Balin's reprimand: Thorin was still unsure of who was watching them, but he did not wish to raise the unknown company's suspicions by leaping into immediate action. He caught Balin's eye once again.

"Do the others know?"

Balin shook his head, tilting his head ever so slightly in Thorin's direction. "Your uncle was the first to notice. He only just informed me."

Kili nodded slowly before turning his attention seemingly back onto Fili. His fingers casually began to plait a thick braid alongside the top of his brother's head.

"Best be off to tell the others then. I'll let this lot know."

Thorin looked on as the casual exchange passed between Balin and Kili. He was mildly surprised at how well his nephew appeared to be going along with the news. If anything, he had half expected the information to sail clean over the lad's head and land in their silent observer's ear. Thoughtful eyes turned back onto the trunks lining the lip of the meadow as Thorin ran through a list of possibilities in his mind. They were not out of range for a stray orc pack to intervene. But orcs were not the spying kind. They preferred to charge in and slaughter before asking questions. Goblins, though least likely, were certainly not out of the question. Then there were the common folk found in forests, bandits and thieves and criminals itching to pinch the purse and provisions carried by the casual, unsuspecting passerby.

By the time Thorin's gaze landed back onto his company, Balin and Kili had seemingly conveyed the information efficiently. To the common eye of one not accustomed to the behaviors of the group, there appeared to be no change whatsoever in the mild chatter and languid lounging of the dwarves. Thorin, however, could feel the change in the mood hovering around the company. Thinly veiled alertness and unease crackled like lightning in the atmosphere.

With one final visual sweep of the perimeter, Thorin approached the group. All heads swiveled to face him, expressions varying from fervent expectation to mild dread. Kili turned a bit too enthusiastically, causing Fili's head to slip from his knee and hit the ground with a muffled _thud_. He cursed as his brother awoke with a startled bleat, and quickly ghosted his hand over Fili's head, apologizing fervently all the while.

Bofur pushed him over with the toe of his boot, causing Kili to tumble sideways and land sprawled in the dirt next to his brother. "Take it easy with him there, lad! We don't want him to go thinking he's anythin' worse like a _squirrel_ now, do we?"

Thorin silenced the snickers that had started up with a long stare as Kili sat up and brushed the dirt from his shoulders, grumbling incoherently. With a slight roll of his eyes, Thorin gestured towards the slowly descending sun above.

"Gather your things. We need to move if we wish to make further progress by sundown."

_**~SoS~**_

There was no music to be heard from the company as they took to the road once more. Conversation arose on occasion, but most walked on in silence, preferring to not drown out the supposed suspicious noises of the woods around them.

Thorin walked on slightly ahead. Try as he might, he could not prevent his eyes from constantly roving back over his shoulder and into the shadows of the foliage, searching for something he knew he would not find. For perhaps the hundredth time since they had left the meadow, his gaze wandered, turning his head along with it over the plane of his shoulder.

A sudden disturbance on the edge of his field of vision caused Thorin to swivel his head back around to face the road ahead.

Turning his gaze to and fro, he searched for whatever it was that had somewhat startled him. His eyes settled on a gently swaying shrub alongside the trail some several yards ahead of the company. Thorin narrowed his eyes and looked above to the weavings of twigs and leaves that made up the forest canopy. There was no movement whatsoever.

Suspicion crawled across Thorin's mind as he stopped abruptly and signaled for the company to be silent. The immediate hush that snapped over them made him resentful that he had given the order. If there was truly someone hidden within the bushes ahead, their suspicions would surely arise at the sudden, complete silence of the previously boisterous company.

Kili joined Thorin at the front of the group, bow held at ready and eyes scanning the forest. "What is it? Why have we-"

He fell silent once more as Thorin gestured towards the bush, still rustling in the nonexistent breeze. Kili raised an eyebrow before turning to the others and motioning towards the shrub as well. The slight scrapings of metal were heard as weapons were slowly drawn from their sheaths. Ori was forced to clap a gloved hand over Fili's mouth as a feral, startled bleat emitted from the blonde's throat.

Thorin turned to meet twelve expectant faces (Fili was simply staring at Ori with a wild look of fault in his eyes.) He quickly signaled for Gloin, Oin, and Bofur to make their way around the side of the bush ahead to block any escape routes, and motioned for Dori, Dwalin, and Kili to circle around to the other side of the path. With swift nods, the two parties disappeared noiselessly into the forest.

Nodding for the rest of the company to follow, Thorin began to move forward once more. His suspicion mounted as the rustling bush fell abruptly still at the sound of the group's renewed footsteps.

There were barely ten strides between the company and the bush when a sudden projectile exploded forth from the shrubbery.

Twigs and leaves flew haphazardly through the air as the object barreled away from the company, a high pitched squeal ringing through the air as it disappeared into the forest. Bombur was the first to realize what it was.

"A sow!"

Several weeks of stew and rabbits nipped at the minds of the company, and sure enough, it did not take longer than a few seconds to reach a silent, unanimous decision.

The group launched forward in pursuit of the young boar, minds set on tracking and hunting what would promise to be one of the best meals they had yet. The sound of feet crashing through the foliage ahead alerted them of the other parties' whereabouts. Thorin cursed the noise aloud. With the ruckus they were making, the boar would have no problems whatsoever in knowing where _not _to run!

A sudden, sharp, blood-chilling squeal rang out from the trees ahead of them. The sound was abruptly cut off, leaving an eerie, unnatural silence to meet the three groups as they crashed through the last line of trees from every which direction and into a very large, very _empty_ meadow. Confused glances were exchanged as Gloin's group swept through the perimeter of the clearing. The ginger dwarf looked up to meet the eyes of Thorin, utter bewilderment plastered plainly across his face.

"It's not here…"

Dwalin snorted. "Well, o' _course _it's not here. Didn't you hear the bugger's screech? Sounded like somethin' else got to it here first! And by the sound of it, it showed no mercy!"

Thorin swept his gaze across the innocently rolling grass, a shadow beginning to pass over his face. "If that's the case-"

"-then why is there no blood?" Kili finished his sentence for him, confusion surfacing in the young dwarf's eyes. Silence settled over the dwarves. Nori was the first to offer an alternative.

"Maybe it wasn't here? It could've been killed out further into the trees there-"

Oin dismissed the thought with a wave of his hand. "Couldn't have. We all came at it from different sides. There's a very slim chance it would have slipped past us."

Thorin's brow furrowed deeply, a slight feeling of unease beginning to settle over him once again. How was it that a mere _sow_ would have been able to evade so many skilled hunters? More troublesome still, what could have not only killed it before they had arrived, but also have disappeared into seemingly thin air? Thorin's eyes scanned the clearing once more. "There is something at work here-"

He was cut off by a sudden cry from Ori.

"Wait! Where's Fili?"

All eyes whipped around to face the young dwarf, who in turn was frantically turning his head every which way, a look of sheer panic on his face. Sure enough, there was no flaxen haired dwarf anywhere in sight. Ori met the eyes of Thorin, genuine fear shining in his eyes.

"He was right behind me! He was following us, I know it!"

Thorin held up a hand, motioning for Ori to calm himself (even though his own heart was beginning to hammer painfully against his chest). "He probably wandered back to his clearing, Ori. Bifur was the last to arrive, so I'm sure he saw Fili making his way back." He turned to Bifur with a false air of calm, noting that the warrior stood stiffly to the side of the group. Before he could question the eccentric dwarf, Bofur stepped forward and began his own inquiry.

"Bifur, did ye see him leaving again like ye did the first time?"

Something unreadable entered Bifur's eyes as he mutely shook his head. Thorin's calm pretense slowly started to crumble as he listened to the exchange.

"But ye saw him start to follow?"

A stiff nod.

"And yer sure ye didn't see him stop?"

Bifur crossed his arms in aggravation.

"Well, did ye _hear _anything?"

After a moment's ponderous hesitation, Bifur nodded slowly. The silence that followed twisted Thorin's stomach into tense knots as Bofur urged the silent dwarf to finish.

"Well? What did ye hear, then?"

Another hesitant moment passed before Bifur signed a single word.

_Rustling._

He paused, hands held at ready to sign something more. Bofur leaned forward impatiently.

"And?"

The look in Bifur's eyes finally became clear as apparent realization hit the dwarf. Panic glazed over his features as he formed the sign that toppled Thorin's composed façade completely.

_Growling._

* * *

**Fear not, dear readers! There is many a plot twist in the next chapter! :D Sorry there weren't many heir Deerin adventures like the last few chapters in this one, but I had to space them out over a bit of a timeline. Plenty more to come!**

_**IMPORTANT NOTE:**_

**Now that this story has a general plot, I have contemplated several endings for the future. I decided to allow YOU to choose an ending! Now, I won't be giving anything away, so don't worry about spoilers here! There are three general endings I am contemplating, and each requires me to start writing in subtle hints in these next chapters. **

**The options are listed below:**

**Option 1: A MAJOR plot twist that you would deserve a medal for if you see it ahead of time. Seriously, I doubt anyone would ever once guess this one. Hilarity abounds and a nice, neatly tied ending.**

**Option 2: Nice, neat ending with a generous smattering of humor, however, there is also a parting shot (last few paragraphs) that may evoke some tears. So basically a mix of humor and a slight twist of sadness there at the end.**

**Option 3: An ending that leaves you, the reader, with the capability of deciding what you think happens next. The story would resolve itself, but something will happen in the very last few paragraphs that leaves it open. All humor with this one!**

**OR**

**It would take some time, but I could very easily type all three and allow you to choose which you continue on to. (i.e the chapter names would be Finale 1, Finale 2, and Finale 3)**

**So let me know which you would like to see in the reviews! I will be taking a general tally of the choices. Remember, I can't complete the next chapter until an option is picked! **

**Thanks so much for reading! Looking forward to your choices! :)**


	7. Is Your Bark Worse Than Your Bite?

**Author's note:**

**Woah. **

**Random, tiny, squint-and-you-miss-it twinge of angst hidden in some of this chapter. It is not entirely in the fashion of previous chapters (don't worry, there are still plenty of shenanigans!), but I needed to start persuading the company that it _might _be a good idea to hurry up and try to find a cure. (That, and I felt like writing a teensy bit of worried/protective Thorin. You get these weird urges as an author.)**

**Worry not though, I plan on keeping the hilarity of heir Deerin going! Call this chapter a bit of a fill if you like (or an excuse for the author to toy with the emotions of the characters *cough cough*), and expect an abundance of heir Deerin humor and adventures in the upcoming chapters! **

**Hopefully the end of this chapter has you giggling! ;) **

**Thanks to all who have read/reviewed/favorited! I appreciate every single one of you with all my heart! :)**

* * *

Dread clamped down on Thorin's stomach as alarmed exclamations rose throughout the company. Kili whipped around to face him, panic freely playing through his dark eyes. "Uncle, we have to retrace your steps! Whatever got the boar could still be-"

Thorin stepped forward and clapped a hand on Kili's shoulder before his nephew could finish the thought.

"We'll find him."

The rising panic veiled beneath these words did not go unnoticed by Kili.

Thorin turned back to the company and swallowed his dread. "I want everyone to fan out back the way we came. Try to keep one another within sight. He couldn't have gone far from the path, so keep close. Move!"

The dwarves moved as one back through the bushes, spreading through the trees immediately. Kili jogged slightly ahead of Thorin, dark hair flying as his head turned wildly from side to side. From somewhere to his right, concerned calls were echoing off of the trunks surrounding them as the others roved the forest. A slight furrow appeared in Thorin's brow. Whether it was their silent follower or something with harsher intentions that was behind this ordeal, the calls of the company would surely alert them of their presence.

The knots in Thorin's stomach refused to come undone. Why hadn't he paid closer attention to his nephew's whereabouts? It should have been obvious that Fili would not understand their pursuit! He should have known Fili would have bolted! Thorin glared into the shadows of the trees, growling at himself in frustration. He had been lured into a false sense of security when the lad had begun to act slightly more civil with the company.

Kili came to a sudden halt, startling Thorin from his musings. His nephew let out an exclamation before darting forward and stooping to the ground to pluck some object from a patch of grass at the base of a large, rough tree. Thorin's stomach tightened even further than he thought possible as his nephew turned to face him, eyes wide with dismay. Wordlessly, Kili held out his hand to Thorin and dropped the glimmering object into his palm.

It was one of Fili's moustache beads, with a large, ripped chunk of golden hair still snagged securely through it.

Thorin surged forward, Kili close behind, and began to examine the area surrounding the tree. His eyes darted fervently across the ground in hopes of finding any form of tracks, silently imploring every deity he knew that they would lead to an unharmed Fili. The hard packed dirt and sparse grass patches did little to assist him.

With a curse, Thorin struck his hand out at a random tree in frustration. He did not wince as the bark bit at his knuckles, and Kili's face blanched at the coldness held in his uncle's eyes.

"Is fate _never _on our side?"

Kili transferred his weight from one foot to another anxiously, thrumming with nervous energy and unsure of how to respond. As he swallowed the lump that had begun to persistently creep up his throat, an odd glimmer diverted his attention to the tree Thorin had cuffed. His eyes trained on the fist still pressed against the tree trunk, and a sudden flurry of emotion leapt into his gullet.

"Thorin-"

"If anyone or thing has harmed him, they will pay dearly once we track them down, I assure you."

"No, Thorin, look-"

"Kili, we _will _find him. We need to-"

"That's not-"

"Kili! Just bring the others here. Maybe they can find tracks where we couldn't-"

"UNCLE!"

Thorin stared at Kili, momentarily stunned into silence. Kili _never_ raised his voice against him.

Kili took advantage of the silence and quickly pressed on, eyes shining with a mixture of nerves and hope. "Calm yourself for a moment, uncle. You're missing the evidence right before your very eyes! Quick, move your hand."

After another long moment of staring at Kili in disbelief, Thorin pulled his hand away from the tree and turned his gaze to the trunk.

Thin strands of golden hair were snagged across the bark, drifting lazily in the wake of Thorin's fist. Thorin turned back to Kili, whose eyes were alight with grim triumph.

"It looks like he left us a trail after all. Look."

Kili pointed to another tree several feet away. Sure enough, a fair portion of blonde hair hung limply from the bark.

Thorin shook himself out of his stunned silence and clapped his nephew over the shoulder. "Good eyes, lad. Bring the others here." Kili allowed himself a small twinge of satisfaction at this praise before smothering it and setting off swiftly to gather the company.

Thorin began to slowly follow the trail set before him, circling the trees in turn until he found the next patch of hair. Narrowing his eyes slightly as he progressed further into the forest, he looked back along the path of trees. They appeared to be getting rougher as they went, and more hair was being snagged on the bark. Running a hand over the bark of the latest tree, he queasily noted a slight, rusty discoloration on the newest lock of hair.

Before he could investigate further, a harsh, scraping racket drew his attention to the forest ahead of him.

Drawing Orcrist noiselessly from its scabbard, Thorin cautiously moved forward, darting behind a tree as the scraping continued. He glanced around the trunk, searching the area around him for the source of the noise. His first thoughts turned to that of their silent observer from before. A sudden flurry of bark bits scrabbled to the sides of a tree enclosed in confining bushes not twenty paces before him, an insistent, irritated growling accompanying them.

Confusion furrowed Thorin's brow momentarily before the sound of an owl hooting drew his attention back over his shoulder.

Kili and the company were crouched low among the bushes behind him, twelve pairs of eyes staring earnestly in the direction of the hidden source of the din. Thorin's eyebrow quirked sharply in annoyance. How was it that a company too loud for hunting was able to sneak up on _him_?

The leader motioned for half of the group to circle around to the other side of the concealed source of the noise and await his signal for action. With barely a rustle, twelve became six.

Bilbo inched forward to join Thorin behind the tree, his face a mask of false calm. "What do you think it is?" The halfling whispered, nerves betraying him as his voice shook slightly. The only response he was given was a quick flicker of Thorin's eye as he shot a swift look to the hobbit before returning his attentions to their target. Bilbo gulped slightly before drawing Sting. If Thorin wasn't sure, they were in deep trouble.

Thorin finished silently counting the minute in his head. _The others should be in position now. _He doubted they would be able to get a visual on the source due to the confounded shrubbery clinging around the trunk of the de-barked tree, but they would have a clear shot all the same. He took a long, silent breath before raising his hand to give the signal to charge. His muscles tightened, and he could feel the eyes of the dwarves nearest him burning into his back. Clenching one hand tightly around the hilt of Orcrist, Thorin released his breath sharply.

His signal hand began its sharp descent, when suddenly -

"_'Ikhuzh!" *_

Bifur's cry echoed off of the trees, causing both the scraping noise to cease and the company to freeze.

Thorin spun from his position behind the tree in time to see Bifur stumbling to a halt before the unknown source of noise. Bifur appeared to be exchanging words of sort before he turned to lock eyes with Thorin. A tense, fleeting moment of silence fell before Bifur stepped forward.

What he continued on to do next would forever be imprinted in the company's minds.

He laughed.

Bifur laughed like he had never laughed before (which, in all honesty, could have easily been true). It was a deep, hearty sound, and the great guffaws had him clutching at his stomach as he doubled over, one hand wiping futilely at his watering eyes. Releasing his hold on his shaking torso, he gestured wildly between the tree and the company, hiccupping slightly through his laughter.

Most of the company was reeling as if Bifur's laugh had physically smacked them upside the head.

Bofur was the first to tentatively break into Bifur's amusement.

"Bifur? You alright there?"

The only response he received was a fresh roar of laughter. He exchanged a worried glance with Bombur. Bifur was expressing more emotions in these last two days than he had for years!

Thorin took a tentative step forward, curiosity and concern persuading him to stride into the open.

"Bifur, what is behind that tree?"

Bifur's guffaws had subsided into chuckles, and now he gestured earnestly to the tree in question. As the company's unsure hesitation continued, he stopped laughing altogether, settling instead on a wide smile that stretched from ear to ear. He turned to the unseen object and reached into the bushes for it. After a moment's struggle, he found a grip and pulled with all his strength.

An utterly disheveled and completely disgruntled Fili stumbled away from the foliage and into sight.

Roars of relief were instantly taken up by many of the dwarves as they swarmed forward. Thorin and Kili made it to Fili first in just three strides, and began instantly checking their kin over for injury. Kili exhaled a long breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, a wave of relief crashing over him with such force he thought his legs had turned to jelly.

"Thank Mahal, Fee! We thought something'd gotten you!"

Thorin bypassed words altogether, choosing instead to gaze at Fili in confusion and concern as he took in the state of his nephew's head.

Bits of bark and pieces of tree were plastered across his face and scattered throughout his loose, tangled hair. Small nicks and cuts fairly littered his forehead, though Fili did not seem to notice. One of his mustache braids had come undone completely due to the absence of his bead, and several large, shorn stumps of hair were scattered about across his hairline. Overall, he appeared completely tousled and not bothered by the fact whatsoever.

Kili put his hands to his brother's face as a somewhat frenzied laugh of relief bubbled forth. The concern in his eyes had not diminished.

"Fee, _what _in all of _Durin's_ name were you _doing?"_

Fili responded with a vacant blink and a slight head tilt.

Bifur stepped forward, the odd grin refusing to leave his face as he motioned for Kili to release Fili. After a moment's hesitation, Kili reluctantly retracted his hands from his brother's face. The mild confusion in Fili's eyes as Bifur grabbed his forearm was enough to almost have Kili let loose another hysterical laugh.

"He has no idea how panicked we were..."

Bifur led Fili away from the company and back to the tree slowly, muttering to the disheveled blonde all the while. Turning towards the company, Bifur released his charge and motioned towards Fili, who in turn was now regarding the tree in rapt interest.

Quicker than the company could react, he was propelling the top of his head towards the tree and scraping at the bark vigorously with his forehead.

Thorin and Kili surged forward, shouting and cursing emanating from the dwarves behind them. They each gripped one of Fili's arms and pulled him back away from the tree roughly. Kili's forehead was wrinkled with concern as his penetrating shouts joined the others.

"Fili! What were you _thinking?!"_

The blonde huffed in annoyance before turning an accusing stare on the company, a fresh smattering of bark littering his hairline. Thorin turned to frown fiercely in Bifur's direction. A harsh coldness had entered Thorin's eyes, and Bifur sobered immediately as the thunderous orbs were turned onto him. A single, icy word cut sharply through the shouts of the others, effectively silencing the clamor.

"_Explain._"

Ori stepped forward to stand beside a nervous Bifur, a look of absolute shock on the wool-clad dwarf's face. He cleared his throat slightly. "That, I believe, was rubbing."

The company stared at Ori, waiting for an explanation. The young dwarf cleared his throat once more, clearly trying to recall his small page on deer. "It's how a stag sort of… grooms his antlers, you could say. They rub them against trees until they're fit and… free of velvet, see. He probably… well, maybe he was unsure of whether or not we were coming back and... figured he had time or… something…" Ori shrugged, his words finally failing him.

All eyes turned once more on Fili, who was crossing his eyes in an attempt to see a small piece of bark dangling from his matted hair just above his nose. He snorted before turning his attention back to the company, blinking in mild surprise at the faces turned towards him. He blinked again, apparent bewilderment clouding over his features. He looked up, eyes moving slowly between Thorin and Kili with a faint noise of confusion. Kili frowned deeply.

"Fili?"

Thorin did not like the way Fili's eyes were roving away to stare into nothing. Sure, the lad had been vacant these last few days, but this was an entirely different kind of unawareness that crossed his nephew's features now. A hint of worry wove its way into his tone as Thorin gently shook Fili's arm.

"Fili? Are you alright?"

Fili blinked up at him one more time before his eyes rolled back. Thorin and Kili let out startled shouts of alarm, and Fili became a dead weight in his kin's arms.

_**~SoS~**_

"Mind his feet, lad. No, his _feet._ Woah, wait, there's a tree there! STOP!"

_THUNK._

"Kili!"

"Sorry! He's just-" A stifled grunt sounded as Kili adjusted Fili over his shoulder. "-casually breaking my neck here, don't you concern yourself whatsoever."

"Kili, ya sparsely lit wick! Give him to Thorin!"

A look of slight indignation flashed in Kili's eyes. "Oi! And you think _you're _so bright, then? I've got him, ok? It's fine-"

Thorin cut his youngest nephew's argument off abruptly by sweeping in from seemingly nowhere, grabbing Fili around the middle and hoisting him over his own cloaked shoulder in one smooth movement. He strut purposely past Kili with his new burden, glancing to the side with a questioning, raised brow. Kili had the sense to look sheepish and shut his mouth with a _click_. He turned his gaze to his feet awkwardly, mumbling an incoherent apology as the others smothered their snickers. Thorin clapped his free hand over his nephew's shoulder, understanding softening his eyes slightly. He knew Kili was only trying to help in whatever ways he could. The line of Durin did not take easily to being powerless.

After Fili had lost consciousness, Oin had flitted about over him for a short time whilst Thorin supported his nephew's head, trained eyes taking in every detail. The healer had come to the conclusion that it was most likely a combination of exhaustion and what could be a very minor concussion. He also stated that he wanted to treat the scratches that now formed a grotesque crown around the young dwarf's head before any possibility of infection became a reality.

Thorin was not entirely surprised by the diagnosis. It had only been a matter of time before the trauma done to his nephew's head would have caught up with him.

The majority of the company had decided as a whole to make their way back to the clearing to treat Fili. The light of the sun's dying rays had already begun to fade into the treetops, golden beams bleeding through the foliage and beckoning for the night to rule the skies once more. A mottled darkness had gathered in the east, and the rain Thorin had sensed the evening before appeared to be well on its way as the storm clouds raced across the heavens, chasing the last of the sun below the horizon.

Several protests arose from Oin about moving Fili, but as the night began to truly set in and the first droplets of rain began to fall, even the old healer reluctantly agreed it would be best to find shelter to make camp for the night.

Thorin was the first to stagger out of the tree line and into the darkening clearing. Shaking the pesky droplets of rain that clung insistently to his hair away, he roved his eyes across the clearing until they settled on his target: a small, rocky outcrop on the other edge of the field that would provide just enough shelter for the dwarves. They would have to make do with an uncomfortably cramped evening. Thorin snorted as he strode forwards, beckoning to the shelter over his shoulder. _Better crammed than cold and soaked, _he thought grudgingly.

Kili scrambled under the shelter ahead of Thorin, slipping off his pack and unclasping his bedroll as he did so. With a flourish, he flapped out the blanket before spreading it over the driest portion of the small shelter he could find. Thorin set Fili down gently just as the others squeezed their way under the overhanging rocks. Bofur was the first to hunker down besides the prone form of Fili, arms crossed behind his hat-clad head as he made himself comfortable.

"Could be worse, lads!"

As if on cue, an enormous crack of thunder echoed overhead, and a bright flash of lightning turned the night back to day as the heavens opened, freezing sheets of rain beginning to pour at full force.

Several pairs of glaring eyes turned on Bofur, who was now leaning slightly forward with his elbows on his knees, hand cupping his chin as his mouth made a tiny _o _in surprise_. _Deeming it wise to not elaborate further, the dwarf grinned nervously before leaning back against the rocks, hat falling purposefully over his eyes.

Oin ignored (or failed to hear) the comment and stepped past the optimistic dwarf, settling himself on Fili's other side. The old healer unstrapped his pack and began to remove several small cloth bags, each holding varying objects ranging from bandages to different remedial roots and herbs. He looked up expectantly at Gloin. Seconds later, the sharp click of flint echoed throughout the shelter and a bright spark caught hold of the small heap of dried twigs Ori had kept within his pack. A warm fire sprang greedily to life, casting wavering shadows across the grey walls as it began to slowly devour the wood. Nodding in appreciation, Oin turned his attention back to Fili. Without a word, he began to set to work cleaning and bandaging his charge's head.

With nothing left to do but wait, Thorin left Fili in the care of Oin and Kili, and made his way to the opening of their rocky shelter. He stared out into the rain, thoughts running rampant through his mind. Was it really just yesterday he had held hopes for no more delays? Just yesterday when he had held hopes for Fili to make it to Gandalf's friend with no further damage inflicted than had already been? A heavy sigh rumbled from his chest as he ran a hand over his face.

So much for yesterday's dreams.

Thorin's sigh attracted Balin's attention. The old dwarf made his way to his leader's side, staring out into the deluge alongside his old friend. Sparing a glance to the side, Balin asked the question which he knew must be hurtling through Thorin's mind beneath his current priorities.

"What of our silent Watchman? Are we to wait for him to strike?"

Thorin tilted his head back, narrowing his eyes as he stared up into the grey sky. "He will not strike tonight. We have better a chance of seeing him coming than he would be willing to take." The uncertain expression that flitted across Balin's features did not go unnoticed by Thorin. He placed a hand on his comrade's shoulder.

"We'll double the watch all the same."

_**~SoS~**_

Time did nothing to end the steady torrent of rain.

The night carried on with a symphony of crashing thunder and lulling water, which had eased many of the company into a shallow slumber. Oin had finished treating Fili some time ago, and now sat propped against the rock face close to the fire, sleep having claimed his weary form. As Thorin had predicted, the space was much to small to be entirely comfortable, but the group had made do.

Nori and Dori had Ori sandwiched between them, the two elder brothers turned on their sides so as to allow the younger more space. Bombur had managed to squeeze himself into the corner and was snoring lightly, nose twitching now and then when a steady droplet of water would fall from the roof of the shelter and onto his face. Bilbo was curled opposite the large dwarf, blanket huddled close around his sleeping form. Bofur had shifted from his earlier position and appeared to be sleeping lightly beside Bifur and Oin, his hat tilted over his face. Dwalin, Gloin, and Balin sat by the small fire, none speaking as the glow of the embers reflected in their watchful eyes.

Thorin had reluctantly given his watch to Balin (at the old dwarf's insistence) and now sat close to Fili's bedroll. Kili was leaning against the rock face on the other side of him, fiddling with an arrow. His nephew's eyes constantly shot up from his mindless task to check over Fili. Each time, his gaze would dim with disappointment, and he would return his attention to sharpening the arrow.

Keeping his voice low, Thorin rumbled a reprimand.

"I'd say that arrow is plenty sharp enough now, wouldn't you?"

A deep maroon flushed over Kili's face as he lowered the arrow. "I just don't like all this _waiting._"

Thorin's mouth pulled into a slight, lopsided grin. "You are truly your mother's son. Dis fairly went mad with impatience when she was expecting you."

Kili grinned warmly. He had lost count of how many times his mother had fondly stated he was more than worth the wait she had endured. His grin fell slightly as his eyes settled back over Fili.

"Yeah, well, heir Deerin here needs to hurry up and come to his senses before _I _go mad."

Kili prodded moodily at the discarded arrow, a slight pout on his lips. When Thorin did not respond, he raised his eyes to glance at his uncle. He blinked slightly as he saw Thorin staring intently at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

Kili shifted nervously under the scrutiny of his uncle's unnerving stare. "What?"

Thorin continued his stare, the odd expression deepening. "What did you say?"

A moment passed before Kili answered.

"Uhh… Fili needs to wake up?"

Thorin shook his head, eyes never leaving Kili's.

"No, no, in your exact words. What did you say before?"

Kili tilted his head slightly.

"Heir Deerin here needs to hurry up and-"

The sentence was cut short by a snort.

Kili's brow furrowed as his uncle turned away from him, hiding his face in shadow. Had he upset Thorin somehow? He had thought he'd been treading as lightly as he possibly could… A wave of cold dread washed over him as he realized his mistake. He groaned inwardly at his stupidity. _I really AM a sparsely lit wick, aren't I?_ He thought glumly to himself. Kili dropped his gaze to the ground.

"Uncle, I mean no disrespect to the Durin name. It just sort of slipped out…"

Another snort issued from Thorin, but was muffled by his hand clamping over his mouth.

Kili narrowed his eyes. Something definitely wasn't right here. He opened his own mouth to question his uncle when a third, louder snort caused Thorin's shoulders to shake. Concern settled over Kili, and he leaned over Fili's bedroll.

"Thorin?"

Thorin looked up, eyes shining oddly. The worry held in his nephew's eyes was enough to finally push him over the edge.

Deep, rich laughter exploded from the king before he could clamp a hand back over his upturned lips. This action did little to silence the snickers that made their way through his fingers, and several of the company stirred in their sleep at the sudden noise. The small group on watch had turned as one, and were now staring incredulously at Thorin.

Kili stared along with them in confusion as his uncle's eyes sparkled with mirth. After another moment of gazing unbelievingly, a wide smile slowly broke across Kili's face.

"You actually think 'heir Deerin' is _funny?_"

At the third reiteration of Fili's newfound nickname, Thorin removed his hand from his face, turning away from the fire as he shook with silent laughter. Kili found himself unable to suppress a snorting giggle as he watched Thorin slowly attempt to regain his composure. He had not seen this side of his uncle since the days before he could properly speak!

Thorin finally calmed himself enough to turn to his nephew, eyes aglow.

"And just how long did it take you to compose this indecency?" His false pretense of anger was ruined by another muffled snort of laughter.

The noise caused Fili to stir lightly in his sleep. Before Kili could answer Thorin, his brother's eyes blinked open slowly, confusion clouding his cerulean stare. A small groan issued from behind his closed mouth as his eyes slowly latched onto Kili's. They wandered past him to land on Thorin, who was gazing down at his nephew in concern. With a faint bleat, Fili nuzzled his head further into his blanket and dropped back into dreams once more.

Thorin and Kili looked up from Fili, catching one another's eye. After a moment of staring, Kili answered Thorin's question.

"Well, given the state of mind… heir Deerin was born in about ten seconds."

Something finally snapped within Thorin, and he lost all of the careful control he had been tightly maintaining throughout the ordeal:

The crownless king fairly exploded with roaring laughter.

The company awoke with a start, several scrabbling for their weapons. As alertness finally settled over them, they found themselves frozen in place, all eyes trained on the Durin trio. "Wha's happ'ning?" Bilbo muttered drowsily, blinking up from his bedroll through sleep clouded eyes. "Attack?"

Dori was the first to answer him, eyes still latched onto the three at the back of the shelter.

"Ah…it depends on what you mean, master Baggins."

Bilbo sat up in confusion, rubbing his eyes roughly. "How can it _depend?_ Are we under attack or not?"

No response was necessary as his eyes landed on the scene before him.

Thorin had turned away from the group and was attempting to gather what dignity he had left for the situation as his shoulders continued to shake with mirth. Kili was openly guffawing, tears of merriment streaming freely down his cheeks and arms wrapped around his torso as he fought to keep from busting a gut.

All of the nerves that had stretched taught as a bow string from the last two days had finally found blissfull release as the two fairly dissolved into chuckles, erratic hiccups occasionaly interrupting Kili's laughter.

After a moment of watching in varying levels of disbelief, most of the company settled back into their previous positions somewhat awkwardly, indulgent grins pulling at their mouths as they fell back into their (restless) sleep.

Bilbo was the last to settle.

The hobbit was still eyeing the trio incredulously. The laughter had diminished somewhat, and Thorin's features were beginning to revert back to their usual, stoic form as the last of his chuckles subsided. Bilbo glanced around, finding only Balin, Dwalin, and Gloin to remain fully awake. Shooting one last glance to the back of the shelter, he settled back onto his blanket.

One question pulled at his mind, not allowing him to sleep until he had his answer.

Lifting his head, he caught Balin's eye from across the flickering flames.

"Why did Dori say it depended on what I meant by 'under attack'?"

Balin grinned softly at the halfling before turning to look fondly at the last remnants of the line of Durin.

"Well, laddie, an attack of _laughter_ certainly fits the phrase 'under attack'."

* * *

*** "Stop!"**

**Just a little something to show that Thorin's not a total emotionless block of stone. Hope it wasn't too out of character!**

**Once again, thanks for the extra deer info from ****Hobbitcakes! ****Those 2 novels of reviews she/he wrote have seriously helped me decide the general pattern of behavior for Fili all the way through to the the eventual conclusion of this story. ****Thank you for your lovely comments as well! I would absolutely love to see any fanart you end up drawing!**

**These things just keep getting longer! 5,000 words in this chapter? I'm spoiling you, my dear readers! (Or should I say, my _deer_ readers?)**

**Don't forget to leave a review! :)**

**UPDATE:**

**It would appear Finale #1 is just barely in the lead, closely followed by Finale #2! Thanks for sending in your reviews and PMs! I am still accepting votes, however I will be leaning more towards ending 1 for these chapters.**


	8. A Cure, A Cure, My Kingdom for a Cure!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE AT END OF CHAPTER REGARDING FINALE.**

**Here, thar be heir Deerin shenanigans! (And a slight persuasion of two dwarfs to hop on the "We-need-to-find-a-cure-STAT" bandwagon.)**

**Chapter is a bit shorter, but I had a ridiculously busy week. Detail should make up for it!**

**On a slight side note, I was attacked by plot bunnies today. I tried to stave them off by uploading this, but they refuse to leave me be. SO: expect another story of Tolkien's universe sometime in the near future! Worry not, it won't be taking away from this story. I wrote a sloppy outline out, so it should evolve into an actual story sometime in the next few months. Keep an eye out for it! :)**

**ALSO: I just now realized someone has added this story to a community! Thank you so much! It makes me insanely happy to see more of you enjoying this tomfoolery!**

**Disclaimer: Again, I do not own any of Tolkien's work. This is my brain decompressing from college.**

* * *

_Distant whispers drifted over the spring-sweet breeze, and the light sound of a flute wove its way across the open rock face of Erebor. Pleasantly fragrant wafts rose and fell alongside the notes dancing jauntily throughout the rebuilt halls of the mighty mountain. Laughter and chatter floated freely through the air as dwarves bustled about their business through the main hall, victory and pride still refusing to dim in their eyes. Distant applause echoed merrily down a great corridor to the open entrance. The last wing of Erebor had finally been restored. _

_Observing all from a mighty throne of solid, gleaming gold was Thorin Oakenshield, rightful King under the Mountain, his eyes shining as bright as the Arkenstone embedded just above his head. Never before had he felt more triumphant. Never before had he felt himself truly worthy of calling himself a Durin._

_He had finally reclaimed his homeland._

_His people had heeded his call to return home without hesitation. They had come in mighty swarms from far across the lands, bringing nothing but their carts and leaving all remnants of their old lives behind. The rebirth of Erebor meant the rebirth of the people, young and old. Gratitude beyond measure was held by all for their King as the joyous dwarrows returned home at last. He had led them away from devastation so long ago, and now he had put all wrongs to right. The respect of the people reached his ears daily, and Thorin in turn made it known that he served solely for his kingdom. Never again would they fall the way they had so long ago._

_As the distant applause made its way to Thorin's ear, he stood, head held regally, and made his way down the long stretch of stone serving as the entrance to the throne room. At his appearance in the great hall, cheers arose from many of the dwarves bustling about, and all bowed low in respect. Thorin acknowledged them with a warm grin and a pleasant inclination of his head as they stood from their bows, faces beaming. As he slowly made his way through the hall and down the newly reopened corridor, the King under the Mountain spotted many a familiar face._

_There were Balin and Dwalin overseeing the guards of the front gates, pride straightening their spines as they walked among the ranks. There was Ori walking slowly under an enormous, teetering pile of books as he made his way back to the library, where he spent most of his time as Master Scribe. Nori appeared from nowhere, a phantom in the crowd, and swept half of the books from his brother's arms, a grin on his face as his younger brother smiled brightly in gratitude back at him. _

_A small, squealing dwarfling with fiery red hair was sprinting down the corridor as fast as his little legs could carry him, turning the corner sharply and careening into a pleasantly roving Bilbo. The hobbit had been offered a room to stay for as long as he needed, and he had taken the offer gratefully. He was not anxious to return home so soon after the adventure of his lifetime. Chuckling as he righted the young dwarf, Bilbo ruffled the boy's hair and nudged him off along down the corridor to return to his running. Gloin came down the hall next, a mock roar issuing from his chest as he spotted the boy. The ginger dwarf's son squealed with shrill giggles before taking off back down the corridor, closely followed by Gloin. The look of pure happiness on the newly fathered dwarf's face was contagious, and Thorin found himself smiling at the sight of his comrade chasing after his young son. _

_The King strode past the new medical wing, sparing a glance inside. Oin and Dori were bustling about, arranging herbs and other remedial items that had slowly filtered in from the surrounding villages. The mouth-watering scent of freshly baked bread and slow cooked meat wafted from the entrance of another corridor branching deeper into the mountain towards the kitchens. If the smell was anything to go by, it would be fair to say that Bombur had taken very well to his position as head cook of the Lonely Mountain's vast kitchens. Turning past the entrance to the miner's quarters, Thorin waved in greeting as Bifur and Bofur strode by, the latter whistling merrily._

_Finally coming upon the enormous door at the end of the corridor, Thorin leaned his weight into the handles and pushed the panels open with a mighty shove. His eyes took in the newest and last room of the renovations._

_The council meetings now had a space provided specifically for their purposes. Large maps covered every inch of the walls, and thin windows running along the side of the room gave a breathtaking view over Dale and beyond. A candled chandelier hung high above the center of the room, casting a pale glow across the space. The room was fairly overtaken by a vast, oaken table, and numerous, thickly cushioned chairs the color of red wine surrounded it on all sides. It was not the material objects in the room that interested Thorin, however._

_Dis sat at the head of the table, her chin cupped lightly in her hand as she laughed lightly at something her sons had just finished saying. She lifted her head when her brother walked into the room, a warm smile on her face. _

_Fili and Kili stood opposite her, both pointing to completely different spots on one of the maps decorating the walls, seemingly arguing over a point in their journey. Both heads whipped around, and matching grins broke upon their faces at the sight of Thorin._

"_Uncle!"_

_Fili elbowed Kili sharply, though a glimmer remained in his eye. "I believe you mean Your Majesty!"_

_Thorin shook his head as he walked by the two, cuffing them both fondly over the head. "I am simply your uncle when there are no politically pressing matters to oversee for the moment." _

_Kili smiled up at him before turning back to Fili. "Thorin could settle this! I'm sure he knows exactly where we were at the time!" Fili heaved a theatrical sigh as he gestured vaguely back at the map. "Kili, I already told you where we were. I of all dwarves would have remembered." _

_Thorin raised a questioning brow as he settled himself down in a chair beside his younger sister. Dis settled her face in her hand once more as her brother sat. She pointed to somewhere in between the two points Fili and Kili had chosen. "Are you sure you weren't somewhere around here?"_

"_Yes!" Identical, mock-exasperated shouts echoed around the small room. Dis giggled before holding her hands up in defeat. "Fine, I'll stay out of this!"_

_Thorin glanced at the map. "And what, exactly, are we failing at finding?"_

_Fili jabbed a finger at a large point on the map. _

"_The place where I-"_

_He was interrupted by a sharp bleating noise._

_Thorin looked up at his nephew in confusion. "Sorry?"_

_Fili stared earnestly at Thorin before speaking again. "The place where I-" **MBAAAAAH.**_

_The noise had definitely come from Fili. Thorin furrowed his brow before glancing between Kili and Dis. Neither seemed to notice anything unusual as they both looked expectantly to Thorin. He turned his gaze back onto Fili, who was still staring somewhat unnervingly. "Fili, did you just-"_

**MBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.**

_Thorin stood, knocking the chair over unintentionally, and placed his hands on his eldest nephew's shoulders as another bleat emitted from Fili's throat. He flickered his eyes back and forth between Fili's cobalt stare. Confusion clouded his gaze as he glanced back to Dis and Kili once more. His kin merely looked on, empty smiles adorning their faces. Thorin turned back to face Fili._

"_Are you certain you're al-"_

**MBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHH.**

_Fili simply stared at Thorin, a cheeky grin on his face as he finished bleating. Without warning, he leaned forward and let loose a sharp, loud _

**SNORT.**

Thorin awoke with a start, heart hammering painfully in his chest as he scrambled to gather his mind together. A dull ache settled into his core as cruel realization slowly dawned on him.

He had been, once again, merely dreaming of Erebor's spectacular revival.

Dejectedly, he settled an arm across his eyes, and his brow furrowed as he grabbed for what little details he could recapture from the fast fading reverie. The only variance in this dream appeared to be Fili. _Not even in dreams can I escape this madness, _he thought in mild vexation.

Awareness slowly hovered back to Thorin through his muddled musings. If the roaring sound of water and sodden feeling of damp rock beneath him were anything to go by, then the steady downpour had not depleted by a single centimeter.

Calming himself enough to drowsily take in more of his surroundings, he removed his arm from his face and rolled onto his side.

Fili's nose was barely an inch from Thorin's.

"Durin's sake!"

Thorin jerked back roughly, startled at the closeness of his' nephew's face. Fili was staring at him, eyes innocently wide and shining from beneath the patches of bandages adorning his forehead. He blinked at Thorin before letting out another sharp snort not unlike the one which had woken him, and pawed playfully at his uncle's head. Still emerging from the firm grasp of sleep, Thorin simply stared into his nephew's face blearily, head bobbing lightly to the side with each repeated tap of Fili's hand across his head.

A cut off snigger drew Thorin's attention slowly to his left. Kili sat in the same position he had been in the night before, a solemn look forcefully plastered across his face. The twitching at the corners of his mouth did not go unnoticed by Thorin, however.

Kili drawled out an innocent question as he casually gestured with an arrow to the deafening deluge of rainwater that had slowly flooded a good portion of the shelter.

"If I were to say 'Good morning', would you or heir Deerin actually believe me?"

As the words clawed their way through Thorin's sleep hazed mind, details from his minor… _decompression _the night before slowly returned to him. He groaned ever so slightly at the thought of explaining himself to his company. A tiny spark of stubborn debate wove its way across his mind. What was there to explain? Was a king not permitted emotion? The thoughts he had held firmly the day before gradually overtook his half-asleep grumblings, and he sighed deeply. The others would surely not see him in the same light after such a display of juvenile tomfoolery.

He was not even fully awake and the day was already looking to be difficult.

Kili's mouth refused to settle, his nose twitching about like a rabbit's as his muscles betrayed him. Thorin narrowed his eyes at his youngest nephew, as Fili bobbed him over the head once more.

"Is something _amusing?"_

Kili shrugged good-humoredly. "Well, I don't know about you, but I've never witnessed anyone waking up to the equivalent of a deer in their face."

Thorin shot a long look up at his nephew, digesting his words at a snail's pace. By _Aule, _he was tired. It never took him this long to gather his wits in the morning.

Kili scraped at the floor with his ludicrously sharpened arrow, etching a scratch to join the hundreds of others he had created over the course of the night. He grinned slightly, nodding to Fili. "I'm surprised you didn't wake earlier, what with the ruckus he was making right in your ear. Though, I was also surprised about the bleating… Sounded more like a newborn fawn than a stag!"

The haze around Thorin's mind had dissipated enough to allow him to lift a brow.

Kili shrugged lightly again, mouth tugging downwards ever so slightly at his uncle's lack of reaction.

"Err… sorry?"

The moment was interrupted by another tap over Thorin's head from Fili.

This time, the pawing caught Thorin off guard, resulting in him turning to face the oncoming hand. A sharp _smack _rang out as Fili's palm connected with Thorin's face.

Several moments passed in utter silence, Fili's hand still pressed over the entirety of Thorin's face, fingers covering the leader's eyes and nose. Neither dwarf moved, and Fili blinked in mild confusion at this new predicament he had unwittingly gotten himself into. Kili was staring, eyes wide and mouth open in a small _o_ of surprise. Another lengthy moment passed before Thorin finally spoke, his dead beat voice muffled from behind Fili's palm.

"My _kingdom _for a cure."

Kili shifted slightly, fairly shaking in his efforts of retaining his laughter at the frozen scene before him. "I'm not entirely sure that would work, uncle. I mean, for starters, we haven't exactly reclaimed our kingdom. And when we do, I doubt you'd be willing to just throw it right back away-"

Another muted utterance emitted from beneath Fili's hand, cutting of Kili's ramblings.

"Kili."

"Hmm?"

"Stop talking."

_**~SoS~**_

The rain let up to small, half-hearted spurts as the newly risen sun valiantly fought its way through the hefty cover of slate grey clouds.

Shortly after prying Fili's hand away from Thorin's face, Oin had deemed Fili well enough for travel upon a thorough examination. The combination of this news and the slight lull in the weather had the company out of the shelter and into the woods before many of the group were even fully awake.

As they trudged slowly through the thick, muddy patches of roots and vegetation that now carpeted the forest floor (catching a miserably bleating Fili after tripping on more than one occasion), Thorin's mind turned away from the company's grumblings and onto the matter of their Silent Watchman. He had begun to formulate the beginnings of a plan with Kili shortly before falling asleep the night before, and now, out in the elements, the final touches of said plan were falling in place. A quick scan of the company revealed that Kili must have thought the same. The archer had wandered further into the tree line, scouting cautiously.

Glancing to his side, Thorin took note of those nearest him, wondering how to subtly communicate his thoughts onto the others. Before he had the chance to follow his train of thought, however-

A small cough sounded out of the suddenly quiet group.

"So, Thorin. I believe there is something of importance to be discussed…"

Thorin's eyes rolled skywards. It had only been a matter of time before the others started their jibes. Without breaking stride or glancing back, the raven haired dwarf responded frostily.

"It is not wise to mock your future king. Let it be known now."

He was met with a heavy, awkward silence. Dwalin's distinctive rumble broke the quiet.

"Erm… _mock _you_?"_

The utter confusion held within the dwarf's question was enough to have Thorin turn his head slightly. Looks of genuine bewilderment were being exchanged throughout the company. The odd glance of uncertainty was held within the mix as well.

Dwalin's features were puckered in thought. "Why would any of us be wantin' to _mock _you?"

Thorin blinked. Perhaps others taken to his slip of disposition better than he had expected. He shifted his eyes slightly to search Dwalin's. Sure enough, beneath the inquiring gaze, there was a small glimmer of cordiality.

_Huh. Well, in that case…_

Clearing his throat slightly, he turned back to the road ahead.

"Never you mind."

Unseen by Thorin, Dwalin shot a grin over his shoulder to the others before falling in step with the leader as nonchalantly as he was able. The tall dwarf caught a sudden interest in wringing a puddle of rainwater uselessly out from his cloak, muttering noisily about "blasted weather" and "confounded forests". Only Thorin was near enough to hear the low, deep words intertwined with the complaints. His ears perked slightly as Dwalin began to mumble under his grumbling dissatisfaction.

"That 'somethin' of importance to be discussed' _does_ need discussin'. I've been keepin' a lookout since Balin mentioned our little… _problem._ (Bugger it all with this rain! Hadn't we seen enough of it in the mountains?) Whoever he is, he's quick. Almost caught sight o' him this morn. (Where's that good-for-nothin' wizard when you need him? He could have done _somethin' _to keep the camp from flooding…) Disappeared into the bushes soon as I stood up."

Thorin inclined his head as he listened. So he wasn't the only one with his mind on their follower. Eyes settling forward once more, he wrapped his mind around the possible consequences of the plan he and Kili had formulated.

Drawing further ahead and away from the company, Thorin lost himself to his internal debate. Voices from the group stumbling behind him hazily washed over his ears as he pulled ahead.

"C'mon then, Fili. It's only a _root._ It's not like it's going to reach up and _grab _you! Just step over it!"

Nori had taken over supervising Fili for the few minutes Kili had wandered off to scout, and was in the process of persuading the injured dwarf to take the plunge past a particularly prominent tree root that had been uncovered from the evening's downpour. Fili was staring at the minuscule incline of mud rolling away from the root, stubborn refusal sparking in his gaze. He turned to glare pointedly at Nori, the bandages swathing his head ruining the effect he might have hoped for. Nori sighed in exasperation.

"Fine then. I'll go first."

A harsh snort was quickly followed by a yell and the distinct sound of squelching mud. Roars of laughter barely covered the cursing voice of Nori as the thief sat up from his newly made acquaintanceship with the muddy slope, wiping thick splotches of muck from his face.

Gloin's deep voice resonated merrily above the peals of laughter.

"Well now, Nori! T'was only a little _root!_ Where could you have _possibly_ gone wrong_?"_

Several choice words were hurled at the chuckling cluster as Nori tried and failed to find purchase on the slippery slope. His boot clad feet pitched out from beneath him, plopping him down into the mud once again with an explosive curse. He glared up at the others as the sound of laughter refused to dissipate.

"Don't suppose any of you would feel so inclined to _help _your fellow dwarf out, then?"

Surprisingly, Gloin was the first to step forward, his mouth twisted in a grin behind his beard. He offered a calloused hand, eyebrow quirking comically at the closer inspection of the mud coating Nori's form. "That'll take a good week to get outta your braids, that will," the warrior rumbled matter-of-factly.

Nori glowered fiercely at the hand offered to him before slapping a grubby hold onto Gloin's palm. With an almighty yank, he pulled Gloin off of his already sloppily balanced stance, landing the red bearded dwarf face first in the muck with a roar. Nori used the momentum to swing himself lightly back onto his feet, spinning with all the grace of a sprite as he regained his balance. The thief grinned cheekily down at Gloin's spluttering, mud-splattered form as renewed chortles emitted from the onlookers. Crossing his arms and arching an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of Gloin, Nori tilted his head slightly.

"_Well_, now, master Gloin. T'was only a little _tug!"_

Gloin pointed a finger accusingly at Nori, bright eyes glinting good-naturedly beneath his gruff exterior. "Tha's playing downright dirty!"

Bilbo chose this moment to stroll by the small gathering of dwarves, unaware of the oddity that had occurred as he passed. "That it is. You a_re _in the mud, after all," the hobbit deadpanned.

Gloin ignored Bilbo's passing commentary as he stood, shaking off as much mud as he could before looking around in search of Fili. The young Durin was standing above the root, a smug expression settled over his features. Tossing his head lightly, Fili kicked his feet back, propelling himself over the root and landing lightly on the other side, sliding gently down to the group with a haughty snort. Gloin chuckled and gestured at the flaxen haired dwarf, hand barely missing Fili's face as he joined the cluster.

"In all honest truth, though, y' should've pushed _him _in. He's the one who shoved ya in the first place!"

Dwalin's voice boomed back from further ahead in the trees, taking the dwarves by surprise.

"_Did he now? _Not so _funny_ anymore_, _is it lads?"

He did not bother to try to mask the smug lilt that had overtaken his tone.

Further ahead, Thorin finally roused himself from his musings. He swept a critical eye over the marshy surroundings through the slowly waning rain. The sound of slopping footsteps behind him announced the arrival of the rest of the company as the noisy bunch finally caught up to him.

In a split second, Thorin made his decision.

He allowed a miniscule grin to play at his lips as he turned to face his ragtag team, dimly noting the thick swatches of mud clinging to Nori and Gloin. Running a count over the company, he crossed his arms and settled himself to relay his plan as subtly as possible.

"It looks like we'll be having one more delay…"

* * *

**I felt like I had an inexplicably difficult time keeping Thorin in character this go 'round. Please let me know if his voice sounded off!**

**Fili's behavior in the beginning of this chapter comes from a firsthand encounter. We had a deer that would curl up outside of our backdoor for months several years ago, and our cat would sometimes lie next to it. Every time without fail, the deer would sort of box the cat lightly over the head, but the cat never once left. It would just sit and take the constant pawing with this look of total indifference on its face. I always got a grin from that! **

**UPDATE: **

**Now, after tallying the PM votes as well, finale #2 is just _barely _in the lead! It would appear that all of you reviewers like #1, and all of you PMers like #2. **

**SO here's the deal: I will type up both endings, releasing Finale #1 first, shortly followed by finale #2 when we get to the end of the story. Sound fair? **

**Thanks for reading! Make sure to leave a review! :)**


	9. Puddles and Plans

**Author's Note:**

**Shenanigans AND plot development! This chapter is ****_slightly _****pivotal for the rest of the storyline. Hopefully I didn't botch it. *nervous author is nervous***

**I felt the need to throw in some random dwarf shenanigans as well. What can I say? The scene just sort of played out.**

**There's a fairly short segment in the middle of this chapter. I couldn't get the transition quite right between the scenes, so the handy-dandy _~SoS~_ came into play. It doesn't throw the format off by much, but it may look a wee bit odd.**

**Enjoy!**

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"Kili, so help me, if you don't shut yer trap and stop with that confounded whistling, I'll rip your lips off."

"And what's wrong with my whistling?"

A chorus of voices responded.

"_Everything."_

Kili sniffed theatrically before turning his head at a ridiculous angle to duck beneath a low branch, mock regality dripping from his words like the glistening water droplets clinging to the trees above him. "I am highly offended by your callous words. I do believe I shall never be the same again after taking such harsh treatment from my own kind."

It was a small miracle that no sound emitted from the others, as every eye rolled in a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

Dwalin brushed past a thick limb protruding from a tree well off to the side of their path, bending the bough back as far as its limits would allow to permit the others a small passage through the wet foliage. Glancing quickly over his shoulder as the stumbling company made their way through the gap he had created, a rare glint of mischief entered the warrior's eyes. Bofur was strolling alongside Ori at the back of the group, chattering animatedly to the slightly smiling scribe some several feet behind Nori. The thief strode past Dwalin, raising an eyebrow at the odd glimmer in his eye. Dwalin simply stared down innocently at Nori, a forced blankness plastered across his face. Nori returned the look with a slight shake of his head and a mutter as he ducked beneath the tree limb.

"Just don't hit Ori."

Turning his attention purposefully forward as Nori cleared the branch, Dwalin stepped forwards casually, bending the bough even further. Bofur ushered Ori through the small gap first, waiting patiently for the woolen dwarf to stagger through to the other side. Once Ori was clear of the branch, Bofur stepped forwards with a grin-

-and was walloped upside the face with the thick tree limb as it snapped back into place with a mighty '_crack!'._

Bofur's grin was still tightly held in place, stuck by shock as he blinked. His hat had been knocked clean off, and a fresh dash of wet leaves littered his braids. Ori stared in horror, while Dwalin roared with laughter as Bofur pulled a face and spat out a sizable bundle of twigs and leaves that had invaded his face's space. The miner stared accusingly up at Dwalin as he pulled a leaf from his lip.

"And I'm sure ye had _nothin' _to do with this, o' course."

Dwalin frowned comically, mouth pulling downwards like a sturgeon's. "Are you suggesting the "thick-skulled" warrior had some motive to hassle you?"

"It would seem that way."

"Then, no. I had nothin' to do with this."

"Did ya now."

Dwalin blinked in comic innocence as he gestured vaguely to his mouth.

"You've got a little somethin' just there."

Bofur narrowed his gaze, grin returning suspiciously to full force as he casually pried the last of the leaves away from his mouth. He spat at the ground once more before looking back up to Dwalin.

An expression of sheer terror struck itself across his face.

"Behind ya!"

Dwalin whirled around menacingly, mud flying from his boots and axe held at ready. There was nothing in the foliage ahead of him aside from Ori, who held his hands up in front of himself defensively with a frightened squeak.

The tall warrior turned back to Bofur with a glare. Just as the miner came into view, a thick branch sprung up from nowhere, cracking Dwalin smartly over the nose. With a yelp, he staggered back a step, hand covering his face as he glared down at Bofur. Bofur, in turn, stooped to pluck his hat up from the damp ground, dusting it off as he strolled past Dwalin with a drawl.

"Quite the thick skull, indeed."

Ori watched as Bofur walked past with a gape before turning to glance back at Dwalin. He cringed at the thunderous expression on the taller dwarf's face and took off into the bushes after Bofur to catch up with the rest of the group.

Bilbo staggered along further ahead behind Kili, narrowly avoiding a sharp smack to his own face as he ducked quickly beneath the branch the archer had just moved aside to pass through. The hobbit brushed himself off sourly as a fresh smattering of twigs pattered down from the bough and coated him in a thick sheen of prickly branches. Focusing wholly on pulling at a twig sharply entangled in his waistcoat, Bilbo turned all of his attention away from the road ahead of him.

He couldn't have chosen a worse time.

_SPLASH!_

_"Confound it all!"_

Kili turned at the hobbit's exclamation. His eyebrows shot up to meet his hairline before a slightly sheepish expression flitted momentarily across his face. "Ah," he started with an awkward laugh, "I _might _have forgotten to warn you about the puddle. Watch your step."

Bilbo glared up at Kili from his newfound sprawled position in a sizable, water-filled divot that had carved into part of their path. Bombur and Nori helped the hobbit to his feet and began to lightly brush at his sopping shoulders helpfully. Bilbo waved them off as he planted his fists firmly on his sodden waistcoat, the glimmer of annoyance refusing to leave his eyes. With a huff, he tilted his head to Kili.

"Remind me again, why we need to take the _least _convenient trail through these blasted woods? That marks the fifth time I've tripped!"

Kili grinned at the mildly fuming hobbit. Even when he was angry with the company, Bilbo could do little more than work himself into an infinitesimal fit. He looked about as harmful as a newborn kitten. Kili swept an arm towards the thickly wooded area that they had stumbled through as he responded just as Bofur, Ori, and a suitably fuming Dwalin made their way out of the thick foliage in question.

"Thorin said to keep chances of pursuit at absolute minimum. With the way we're heading now, there's absolutely no likelihood of anyone following us without our knowing. This gives us a chance to get the jump on him!"

Kili's grin faltered a bit at the blank look on Bilbo's face. The hobbit clearly could not see the logic behind his plan. Before he could elaborate, Ori's voice piped up from behind Bilbo. "Is that why we've split up, then? To force him to choose a path?"

_Thank Mahal for Ori._

Kili gave a nod in Ori's direction, pulling a grin from the wool clad dwarf. "Better to have him confused, is it not?"

Bilbo crossed his arms with a raised brow. "But wouldn't that just make him suspicious?"

Before Kili could reply, a small bird swooped out of one of the treetops above them. Quick as lightning, the young archer had an arrow knocked and let loose his bowstring, bringing the game down to the earth before a single breath could be drawn from any of the onlookers. Bofur stooped to pluck the bird up from the ground and tossed it lightly to Kili, who flourished it dramatically through the air at the end of his arrow. He winked conspiratorially to Bilbo as the others chuckled lightly.

"Well, it's easier to _hunt_ when you've spread out, is it not?"

Bilbo still looked unsure, so Kili nudged him good-naturedly as he shouldered the bird. "Look, this obviously isn't the entire plan. Thorin will be leading the others through the entirety of it now. We just need to keep moving until we reach the rendezvous point. Call us… a _distraction, _if you will."

Another short moment passed before Bilbo sighed lightly, gesturing to the path ahead.

"Fine. Just warn me the next time I'll be coming into contact with the ground again."

Kili clapped Bilbo over the shoulder as he resumed leading his small group of seven forward past the damp, pockmarked ground. Unfortunately, he did not reign in any force as his hand came in contact with Bilbo's back.

_SMACK!_

_SPLAT._

Kili blinked down at Bilbo's seething, sprawled, newly muddied form.

"Uh… look out?"

**_~SoS~_**

Thorin grumbled to himself as he ran a second count over his "hunting" party. It was no small feat, as Fili was constantly pulling at his sleeve, bleating insistently after each reiteration of the company's names. _Why did I insist he be kept with us? _Thorin thought with a grumble. He had wanted to keep a closer eye on Fili so as to not lose his sister-son to the forest again, but now he could see that his plan had probably not been one of the best. _I should've listened to Kili and let him look after the lad. _He gently brushed Fili away from his arm, trying and failing to ignore the dejected whimper his nephew emitted as he was shied away.

"Dori, Gloin, Bifur. Scout ahead."

The three dwarves in question glanced back to their leader before nodding as one and bounding forward into the greenery, disappearing in a rustle of leaves. Balin, Oin, and Fili were all who remained behind alongside Thorin. Oin shot a skeptical glance in Thorin's direction.

"If you don't mind me asking, why've we split again? Isn't this weakening our defenses?"

Thorin stared pointedly at Oin. "They're simply scouting for game. Best to look ahead as much as behind."

Oin blinked, expression empty. He lifted his crumpled ear horn.

"What?"

Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose. He was certain the pounding in his temples would reach excruciating levels by the time they had finally discovered the identity of their Watchman. Balin saved Thorin from having to reiterate himself by loudly repeating the leader's words. Oin took them in silence.

The group of four slowly meandered their way forward, Balin chattering aimlessly at Oin (who wasn't really listening anyways), and Fili once again clinging insistently onto Thorin's sleeve. Thorin spared a glance sideways at his nephew. The bandages adorning his forehead stood in stark contrast to his tanned skin, and one had blossomed a miniscule spot of red. Thorin's brow furrowed. All of the movement they were putting Fili through probably wasn't helping his healing process by much. _Not that it can be helped, _he thought with a troubled sigh.

Fili took notice of his uncle's sigh and turned his bleary eyes onto Thorin, a small noise of confusion escaping his lips. After a moment of staring, he tugged lightly on Thorin's sleeve. The bandages crinkled as he creased his forehead, eyes gleaming in disappointment at the lack of reaction. He inched closer to Thorin and prodded him lightly on the shoulder with his nose. When this did nothing to divert Thorin's attention from scouting the path ahead, he snorted in annoyance and stepped in front of the leader. Thorin barely had the chance to stop walking as his nephew sidestepped into his line of vision.

"Fili, we need to pass through this way. You're blocking the path-"

Before he could say any more, Fili snapped his head forward, knocking Thorin smartly over the forehead and effectively causing the leader to flop to the ground, stunned. Balin and Oin rushed forwards, the latter waving his ear horn about ludicrously as he yelled at Fili.

"Stop that, stop that! By _Mahal, _you'll be lucky if you heal at _all _with that kind of behavior!"

Thorin sat up groggily as he rubbed furiously at his temples. The throbbing he had felt earlier had exploded into a full blown migraine now. _That happened sooner than I had expected. _

He blinked up at Fili, concern overtaking his momentary anger as he noted the way Fili was swaying on spot. Oin caught hold of Fili's arm, grumbling as he peeled aside the bandages to check his forehead. Fili simply stared into the mid distance, mild vexation still clear on his face. With a hand from Balin, Thorin stood and made his way to situate himself in front of Fili, arms crossed and eyebrows drawn together. His eyes darted momentarily to Oin as the elder healer inspected Fili's exposed brow. "Did he set anything back?" Oin shook his head with a snort as he responded. "Luckily, no. Your nephew here is made of tougher stuff, it would appear."

Thorin ran a hand over his face, grumbling incoherently. He drew his fingers roughly over his chin as he settled his stare back onto Fili, taking in the almost imperceptible gleam of pain in his sister-son's eyes. Softening his gaze, Thorin took the bandages from a surprised Oin and began to gently plaster them back over the cuts, brow furrowing in concentration. No words were spoken as he completed the task. None were needed.

As Thorin stepped away from bandaging Fili's head, he met his nephew's eye. He stifled a chuckle at the absolute innocence being beamed at him from Fili's somewhat less vacant stare. _By Aule, who did he inherit this from? _

Shaking his head in a futile attempt of clearing his pulsing headache, Thorin turned back to the road ahead.

"Right. Onwards then-"

Balin interrupted his dismissal. "Did you provoke him?"

Thorin stared at Balin. The daggers in his eyes did little to back Balin down. The elder dwarf crossed his arms with a slight frown. "Well? We need to know what to do to keep his behavior in check. You sent the only one of us who has been getting through to the lad away."

Thorin silently cursed his stupidity. Of course, he would have sent Bifur ahead. Crossing his arms to mirror Balin, he returned the slight frown held on his comrade's face. Fili stood between them, blonde head turning back and forth as confusion settled over his features. He bleated anxiously. All of the tension in the air around him did little to soothe his frayed nerves.

Thorin steadily answered Balin. "I did nothing. He latched onto my sleeve and apparently deemed it necessary to remind me of his presence."

Balin raised a brow at the child-like stubbornness held in Thorin's eyes. It was a rare gleam that he never saw around the rest of the company, and probably would not see again for some time. The white haired dwarf shook his head with a grin before setting off past Thorin, surprising the leader into lowering his arms defensively. Balin called back over his shoulder as he marched steadily forwards.

"Then give him the attention he's asking for. It's what Kili and Bifur have been doing all along."

Thorin gaped after Balin. He turned to Oin, who cleared his throat unnecessarily. "Well," the old healer started awkwardly, "might as well catch up then, shall we?"

Without waiting for Thorin's consent, he set off ahead into the green, following Balin's footsteps.

Thorin stared after Oin's retreating form. He blinked in mild confusion before a small snort drew his attention back to Fili. His nephew was gazing at him, his mouth pulled in a taught line as he blinked amiably. One of his mustache beads had loosened and appeared to be on the brink of falling away from its clasp. Thorin sighed lightly as he stepped forward and swiftly readjusted the bead. He muttered as he set the clasp back in place.

"You can at the very least _look _the part of a prince for the moment."

Fili's eyes crossed as he tried to catch sight of the bead Thorin finished placing. Seeming to realize its presence for the first time, he made a small grunt of confusion and swung his head lightly to and fro, watching as the braid swung freely in front of his mouth. With a surprised bleat, he looked up to Thorin, the look of confusion on his face deepening comically as the beaded braid continued to swing lightly in front of his face. Thorin snorted, a deep chuckle escaping before he could stop it. After a moment of pondering, he offered his sleeve hesitantly to his sister-son. Fili stared at the offered arm for a moment before bleating happily and taking hold of the cloth, a look of smug satisfaction on his face. Thorin grinned self-indulgently before nudging Fili forwards.

"Best we be off, then."

Fili's only response was a blank stare, all smugness drained from his features.

Thorin tilted his head slightly, drawing his eyebrows together. _Huh._ He cleared his throat awkwardly before nudging Fili forward again, barely causing his nephew to sway forwards on his feet. "Come on. We're short for time."

Fili's eyelids drooped, half-lidding his stare as the blonde snorted in exasperation. Thorin quirked his lips into a taught line as thought creased his brow. He was obviously missing something here. The raven-haired dwarf went to cross his arms, only stopping when Fili stumbled forward with a bark of protest, his clenched fist still entangled tightly in Thorin's sleeve. Pausing for Fili to regain his bearings, Thorin stared into his nephew's eyes in confusion as Fili fairly _pouted _back at him. _I don't recall deer having the range of emotion to _mope, he thought with a glimmer of hope. Maybe Fili was stumbling onto the road to recovery on his own!

Fili inclined his head indignantly, tilting his neck slightly as he broke eye contact with a huff. A stray leaf dangling overhead caught his attention, and a glimmer entered his eye as he slowly began to crane his neck to reach it, mouth gaping pitifully as he tried and failed to grip it. Thorin pulled a face.

So much for _that _hope.

Fili abandoned his attempts and turned moodily away from Thorin with a frown and a snort. The leader blinked uncertainly. He was in no way indecisive. He had commanded vast troops of warriors and lead them through the messiest wartime their kind had known. He had created new life for many once their home had been forcibly taken. He had chosen to form and lead a ragtag, loyal company to reclaim their homeland from a rutheless dragon that may or may not be dead. Now, he had a delusional sister-son refusing to budge.

For the life of him, Thorin had no idea what to do for the situation.

Vaguely, he thought back to Balin's parting shot. _Give him the attention-_ Realization slowly dawned on Thorin. _Attention? Is that all?_

Without fully realizing what he was doing, Thorin reached out an arm and hesitantly placed his hand atop Fili's head. Fili in turn spun his gaze back onto Thorin with a small noise of confusion, eyes a-glimmer with hope. After a moment of Thorin internally debating with himself, the king gave in to the _what-the-hell _side of his dispute and scratched lightly at the spot just behind Fili's ears.

Fili trilled with happiness and nuzzled Thorin's hand, eyes closed in delight. Thorin's eyebrows rose to his hairline as a slightly pained expression flitted across his face. He darted his eyes around the area, feeling more than slightly ridiculous as he continued to lightly scratch at Fili's head. _How in all Erebor did this quest come to this? _Fili tilted his head, moving Thorin's hand to a scratch a spot slightly further to the left. A content sigh drifted from his lips as a barely perceptible grin settled onto his moments passed in silence as Thorin continued his task, a slight glower on his own face and a fair portion of red blossoming across his cheeks as he fervently wished Fili would not remember much of his ordeal once they had him healed.

After a full minute of scratching, Thorin drew his hand back and cleared his throat with a self-conscious cough.

"Alright now?"

Fili blinked pleasantly at him before stepping forward, drawing his head back. Thorin stepped back in alarm.

"Wait, don't-!"

The sharp collision he had been expecting never came. Instead, Fili gently rested his forehead against Thorin's, closing his sparkling blue eyes briefly with a content sigh. Thorin blinked incredulously at Fili's incredibly close, serene expression before allowing a small grin himself. It would seem not all of his nephew's mind was lost. He brought a hand up to cradle the back of his sister-son's head lightly as he rested his own forehead more comfortably against Fili's.

"We'll see this through. Like we always have."

Fili's eyes blinked open, and he stepped away from Thorin with a bleat. Just as quickly as he had resumed genuine expression, he lost it. The blankness had entered his eyes again, and a general air of mild indifference had settled over him. Thorin shook his head despondently before holding out his sleeve for Fili to latch onto once more.

"Now stop pouting and get a move on."

**_~SoS~_**

By the time the two caught up to the rest of their small group, Balin and Oin had already rejoined with Bifur, Dori, and Gloin. The uncertainty practically shivered in the air around them, and Thorin frowned at the skittish glances being thrown about by Bifur. Leading a stumbling Fili around a sizable boulder, he joined the small circle the other dwarves had created. Fleeting looks of amusement were shared at the sight of Thorin trailing Fili behind him as if he were a pup on a lead, but all humor faded from their expressions far too quickly. Thorin quirked an eyebrow.

"Trouble?"

Gloin planted his axe in the dirt, leaning casually forwards onto its handle. "No. Not yet, anyway."

At Thorin's look of puzzlement, Dori elaborated further. "There's a clearing up ahead, y'see. Not the best visibility, but we're fairly certain we saw movement across the way."

All of Thorin's senses snapped fully alert, and his free hand hovered over Orcrist's hilt subconsciously. Feeling Fili tense beside him, he nudged the young dwarf forward, motioning for Bifur to offer his arm. Fili latched onto the toymaker's sleeve warily, calming slightly as Bifur rumbled something to him in Khuzdul. Thorin turned back to the others thoughtfully.

"Movement."

Balin turned to Thorin, his forehead creased as he thought through strategy after strategy. The old dwarf muttered under his breath. "It could be a trap. Should we go forward?"

Thorin inclined his head slightly, breathing in deeply and exhaling in a short, quick burst. He shielded his eyes from the watery sunlight above as he turned his head skywards, gauging the time through the dissipating clouds. Kili and the others would be well on their way to the rendezvous point now. Making his decision, he turned back to face the others.

"The hunt," he said with a smirk, "is on."

**~SoS~**

The silence was thick with unspoken tension. Thorin stared across the surprisingly large clearing, taking stock of every shadow, every bush, every boulder that looked suspicious. Something about its layout nagged at the back of his mind. It seemed much too dry for being so soon after a massive downpour. Loose, arid dirt fairly coated the ground, and the only signs of life were in the form of a small, bristly patch of dead grass in the direct middle of the open field. Thorin turned a wary eye onto Gloin, who stood uneasily beside him.

"Are you sure there was movement?"

Gloin shot him a disgruntled look. "I trust these eyes in the deepest, darkest depths of the mines of Erebor."

Thorin stared in silence, waiting for something more. When no further comment was added from the dwarf beside him, he continued his inquiry patiently.

"And that accounts for differentiating a rustling bush and the wind?"

Gloin kept his gaze trained ahead, a slight flush of color blooming across his face, turning his cheeks as red as his beard. His response was gruff. "There was something o' substance here. Only flesh an' bone moves a bush about the way we saw it."

Thorin raised a brow in silence before turning back to the clearing ahead.

Balin, Dori, and Oin circled around opposite ends of the outer edge of the sizable clearing, peering earnestly into the tree line. Oin rejoined Gloin and Thorin, contemplation marring his brow. At Thorin's questioning look, he shook his head. "There's nothing out there. Nothing that we can see, that is." Thorin nodded in acknowledgement before turning back to his watch.

Bifur and Fili were moving down the open space well within the bushes on the other side of the clearing, blonde head bobbing along eagerly after black. The two emerged from the shrubbery, standing uncertainly at the edge of the dirt-packed space as Balin and Dori made their way around the clearing to join them. Bifur shrugged in Thorin's direction, signing across the way.

_'No.'_

Thorin rumbled a deep sigh as he turned back to the forest. Gloin's eyes were narrowed in frustration. "There was somethin' here, I know it! The bugger's probably just out of sight!" Oin patted his brother's shoulder reassuringly, eyeing Thorin all the while as he responded to his brother. "I'm sure he is. We just need to look harder."

Thorin turned back to the others across the clearing, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting as he did so. "Come back to this side. We'll plan a pattern to continue our hunt!" The four forms across the way turned to each other to converse momentarily before stepping out into the open and slowly picking their way around the smattering of boulders scattered throughout the clearing. Turning back to the forest once more, Thorin ran a hand through his hair as he pondered their next move of action. Should they follow a hunch? Or should they simply stick to their original plan? Or was it possible to-

"See here, what was that?"

Balin's voice faintly reached Thorin's ears. Unease surfaced in his mind as his suspicions of the clearing were confirmed. He began to turn away from the forest to investigate whatever it was his comrade had taken notice of, a sudden tension filling his muscles as subconscious agitation took hold of his senses. He did not compete his turn.

A deafening crash filled the air, and the world around him filled with riotous, blinding chaos.

* * *

**It's safe to say whatever it was is Fili's fault. Anyone feel like guessing how this might play out? *evil laughter***

**Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a review!**

**Also, feel free to check out my other Hobbit story, ****The Burdens of Beards and Balance****. I'm updating it relatively sporadically, so keep an eye on it! **

**Hobbitcakes:**** Thank you for your kind words! I would respond to you personally, but alas, you don't have an account. D: I'm happy to see that this story makes you smile! And I'm sure your art is absolutely lovely. Make sure to link me to it once you've finished! I eagerly await its completion! **


	10. Hitting Rock Bottom

**AN:**

**Oh, hey! Look who's still alive after all that madness! **

**So hopefully I can get back on track with my weekly updating schedule now. The semester is ****_finally _****starting to wind down. Finals are in 3 weeks, so I'm feeling mighty pressured to procrastinate just a teensy bit more. Almost done with my sophomore year of college, guys! **

**Enough chit chat, though! Go on! Finish that cliffhanger! And say hello to a fresh new face (sort of!)**

* * *

An enormous crashing sound filled the air, creating a deafening cacophony of falling stones and rumbling earth. Thorin stumbled as the seemingly solid ground beneath his feet shook with roiling tremors, his heart leaping momentarily to his throat at the noise that now filled the clearing. A colossal cloud of russet dust now covered the open field, blocking all from his view. Thorin spluttered as he inhaled the dirt and quickly covered his nose with his sleeve, throat rasping in protest at the sudden intrusion. Gloin was doubled over coughing at the edge of the thick, rolling cloud, and Oin had the fabric of his pack pressed firmly over his mouth. Through watering eyes, Thorin gazed wildly about into the mammoth wall of dust, some tiny, logical part of his mind questioning as to where it had come from.

"Balin! Bifur!" His call was interrupted by a harsh, wracking cough as the floating particles inhaled further into his lungs. "Dori! Fili! (cough) Are you (cough) alright?"

There was no response.

Ignoring the canvas-muffled shout of warning given by Oin, Thorin stepped purposefully forwards into the dust cloud, heaving another spluttering cough as the suffocating substance filled his lungs. He stared into the haze of brown through half lidded eyes, looking about intently for any sign of… _anything,_ really. He did not exactly know to expect, but he roved his watering orbs round rapidly all the same as if his life depended on them settling over the forms of his comrades. The dust appeared to be thinning slightly, as figures of rocks were beginning to loom into his hazed view. He was dimly aware of Gloin and Oin joining him as he breathed heavily through the fabric of his sleeve, attempting to block what small amount of dirt he could from his already dust-roughened throat. The ground beneath him lurched before rumbling alarmingly, and he stepped back in a mild panic before rasping a warning.

"Get back!"

The trio staggered back against a solitary boulder, breath held in trepidation as the ground continued to shake as if a herd of warhorses was charging across the ghosted clearing. Thorin narrowed his eyes, unease clawing at his mind as a sharp, resounding _crack _echoed out over the cacophony. After almost a full minute of the disturbing tremors, the earth went still and silent once more. Slowly, far too slowly for Thorin's anxious mind, the sun fought its way through the cloud cover above, and in turn broke through the drifting particles of dirt as the dust in the air settled. The trio stepped hastily away from the boulder, eyes scanning the slowly perceptible clearing once more. Thorin cupped his hands to his mouth to call out for the others, but before he could shout for them, the dust ahead of him settled enough for the scene to become hazily visible. He froze at the sight before him, an emotion unbeknownst to even him taking hold over his throat.

Fili was standing some fifteen feet away, staring down into the depths of a ragged, gaping chasm that had appeared from nowhere and swallowed a good portion of the clearing. Judging by the curses drifting over the lip of it, Balin, Dori, and Bifur had gone along with it as well. After several moments of hesitation, Fili looked back at the small, stunned group clustered by the boulder, blinking vacantly through the settling dust. Another moment passed in silence before he gestured vaguely towards the hole with a hiccup, an indifferent expression Thorin loosely translated as 'you _won't_ believe what I _found'_ on his face.

Thorin was the first to recover his wits. He dashed forwards, and the sound of heavy footfalls further behind alerted him of Oin and Gloin following. He shouted out as he drew nearer to the hole.

"Balin! What happened?"

Balin's irritated voice echoed up from the depths of the hole faintly alongside the dissipating cloud of dust lingering above its gaping mouth. "I couldn't tell you! Fili stepped on something that snapped, and next thing I know, I'm covered head to toe in dust and wedged in the bottom of a blasted hole!"

An explosive burst of angry Khuzdul echoed from the fissure, and Dori's peeved voice joined the din.

"Bifur, getchyer foot outta my face!"

"_Garifál hodh, ashf!" __*****_

"If I _could _move, don't you think I _would have, _you ninny_?_ Now get your boot off of my nose! Hold on, not so fast, you'll end up kicking-"

_THWACK._

_"ARGH!"_

Balin shouted to be heard above the torrent.

"It's fair to say that none of us are very comfortable at the moment!"

Thorin skidded to a halt at the edge of the hole beside Fili. He ran an eye quickly over his nephew, who returned the concerned look with all the nonchalance his face could hold without looking simply daft. A thick layer of rust colored dust covered him from head to toe, turning his blonde hair ginger and causing him to hiccup a small cough every few seconds. The only sign that he was affected came in the form of the barely visible glimmer of annoyance veiled in his cerulean stare.

Turning back to the chasm before him, Thorin leaned warily over the edge to peer into the depths below. It did not look quite so deep as he had originally thought, though it was plenty deep enough to be an issue. The mouth itself did not appear to be more than six feet wide, though the depth was no less than ten feet down. At the bottom of the chasm, Bifur was sprawled ungainly across Balin and Dori, who were in turn wriggling about furiously in an attempt to free themselves from his weight. Dori appeared to be cradling his nose, muttering darkly. Thorin furrowed his brow, thoughts racing furiously through his head. They had no rope between the seven of them, and there was little chance of them finding any purchase on the smooth walls of their dirt prison. Suspicion nagged at the back of his mind as Thorin ran a critical eye over the walls of the fissure. They appeared to be _much _too level to be any natural occurrence. The odd snapping noise he had registered earlier floated on the edges of his mind as he attempted to put the pieces together. He stood from his crouch and turned to face the oncoming figures of Oin and Gloin-

"Brother, slow down! You'll hit him! Gloin! STOP!"

A massive weight bowled over Thorin full force as Gloin skidded into him across the slick trail of wet pebbles and dirt. Thorin let out a shout of alarm as he teetered dangerously on the edge, Gloin pin-wheeling his arms as he fought for freedom from the same fate. Reaching for the first solid substance he could get a grip on, Thorin's hand snagged onto Oin as the elder healer drew near. Oin staggered forwards alarmingly at the sudden pull.

"Whoa! Careful there! D'you want us all to fall-!"

Oin's reprimand was cut off by a shout of alarm, and the old healer lost the battle to gravity. He lurched into the depths of the hole, reaching out and snatching at his brother's tunic as he felt himself falling. With a roar more born of annoyance than alarm, Gloin staggered after Oin, and the two brothers tumbled into the depths below.

Bifur hardly had the time to glance up before the full mass of both dwarves landed squarely on his stomach. He let out a sharp, winded curse in Khuzdul while Balin and Dori groaned at the added weight.

What little momentum Thorin had gained from his instinctual grab was quickly lost as the dirt beneath his feet crumbled, causing him to reel forwards as far as he could. He dared not lift his feet far, as the edge he balanced so precariously on was deteriorating at each movement he made. His eyes landed on Fili, who looked on in mild interest. In a last, desperate attempt to halt his inevitable decent, he shouted out to his nephew, thinly veiled panic thrumming beneath his gruff command.

"_Do something!"_

Fili blinked at him, momentary confusion apparent on his face. The puzzlement was fleeting however, and was quickly replaced with a pleasant, brightened expression of understanding. He trotted forwards eagerly, eyes shining, and for the briefest of moments, Thorin felt he had finally connected with his sister-son.

The moment was shattered about the time Fili charged.

With a wild strand of curses and commands for Fili to halt as the blonde fairly _galloped _towards him, Thorin pin wheeled his arms harder as his weight shifted dangerously in preparation for the contact that was inevitable. Not seconds later, Fili careened into him with a triumphant snort and a joyous bleat, tilting Thorin's balance entirely off kilter and sending him spinning head over heels into the chasm below with an explosive curse.

Much to Bifur's violently expressed chagrin, Thorin landed squarely on Gloin's back, who was in turn sprawled on top of a grumbling Oin, who had yet to remove himself from Bifur's stomach. Balin and Dori were by now far too winded to even groan.

After a long moment, Gloin's muffled voice echoed around Thorin. The fiery dwarf did not even try to withhold any annoyance it held.

"Did that count under your terms of 'do something'?"

His only response was a sharp wallop to the back of the head as Thorin "accidently" flung his boot out in an attempt to right himself.

Thorin rolled brusquely off of the pile of cursing dwarves and stood to stare up the walls of their impromptu prison, head spinning. There would most definitely be no climbing them, as the dirt was packed well into the column. The leader ran a hand over the smooth surface, frowning aggressively at the soft layer of rust colored dust that settled onto his palm from the contact. The consistency of the dirt explained the sudden dust cloud from earlier. Thorin made a mental check besides his ever expanding list of mysteries which needed solving. He turned back to the writhing mound of limbs and beards, running a count as best he could. Realization washed over him much later than it should have, and his head snapped back to gaze up at the small circle of blue sky above.

"Fili!"

The blonde in question popped his head eagerly over the edge of the hole, gazing down at the chaos below. He blinked before letting out a small, spluttering cough and a confused bleat. Thorin stared up desperately to his nephew, but, against all of his hopes, Fili's face morphed from interest to boredom in mere seconds, and his head promptly disappeared from the edge as the blonde pulled away from the hole.

"Wait, Fili! Stop!"

There was no response.

Thorin resisted the urge to kick out at the wall. Instead, he fought to reign in his frustrations quickly, turning to assess the situation once more.

Oin and Gloin had stumbled away from the pile and were brushing each other off gruffly, muttering crossly all the while. Bifur had yet to right himself, and Dori was beginning to go red in the face from shouting at the dwarf in question. Balin had given up struggling, and now simply lay sprawled across the smoothly carved stone that served as the floor to their prison, a look of utter resignation on his face. Thorin tallied the marks in his favor and against him as he wracked his brain for a plan. He stopped when he realized he had absolutely no marks in his favor whatsoever.

Dori inhaled deeply as he finished his incessant yelling before turning his glare onto Gloin.

"Nice landing! I'm probably paralyzed!"

Gloin snorted as he shook a cloud of dirt from his hair. "Everything but your mouth, apparently."

Dori continued to glare dangerously up at Gloin with a grunt.

"Help me up!"

"No."

Thorin rolled his eyes skywards as his headache throbbed back into vivid life, full force. He barked over his shoulder to the bickering dwarves. "Save your squabbling! Oin, hand me your pack. We'll see what we can use to get us out of here."

The silence was deafening. Dread washed over Thorin even before Oin spoke hesitantly.

"It's not here…"

Thorin snapped his eyes shut as he took in a deep breath. It wasn't a good idea, as a thick dusting of dirt caught a ride along with the breath into his throat, causing him to cough none too elegantly. After a moment, he spluttered an inquiry. "Then where _is _it?"

The irritation in Oin's voice did not go unknown to Thorin. "Well, I suspect I dropped it when I was all but pushed in alongside the rest of you."

Thorin stared at Oin, causing the elder dwarf to shift nervously, all trace of chagrin suddenly evaporating from his speech. "And Fili's up there… unstable… and probably gone off alone to wait again."

Dori piped up helpfully from his squashed position. "Not to mention whoever we saw moving about is still out there with him!"

Bifur grumbled in Khuzdul. The only word Thorin caught was Kili.

Thorin blinked, and for a long moment he stood stock still, eye spasming in the slightest twitch. He added the others' comments to his tally of odds for and against him, and came to a solid, ground-breaking conclusion.

Lady Luck must have been truly offended by him at some point in his sorry lifetime.

_**~SoS~**_

The bushes parted with an explosive energy as Kili burst into the open, triumph gleaming in his eyes. He shot a smug smirk over his shoulder as the others stumbled through the shrubbery around him, grumbling all the while.

"There, y'see? We weren't lost at all!"

Bofur shot the young prince a skeptical look. "Then what would you say all of those detours were fer?"

Kili was rescued from explaining his clearly overlooked ingenuity by a cold, creeping shiver running the length of his spine, not unlike the feeling Thorin had described to him earlier. He tensed imperceptibly and silently cursed their pursuer in every which way he had learned from his uncle. Of course, he _would _choose to follow after the group lacking in a king's leadership. But how had he gone unnoticed for so long?

Bofur took note of Kili's almost unnoticeable change in attitude and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He pulled at his hat casually as he turned to gaze around the clearing. "We're sure this is the spot?"

Kili gave a terse nod in response as his hand clenched slightly tighter around his bow, eyes following Bofur's line of vision around the field.

Bilbo stepped forward, arms crossed and a glint of confusion in his eye.

"But why have we come all the way back here? We've lost progress!"

Kili stopped his examination of what they had dubbed as Fili's grazing spot and turned to Bilbo, a mask of a playful grin on his face. "If you know of anywhere else in the forest where we would all remember to meet, Master Boggins, then by all means, do share."

The hobbit opened his mouth, a scathing retort on his tongue. The banter was not given a chance to begin as the distinct sound of a twig snapping had all of the company whirling to face the open land. All humor vanished from their eyes as the area fell into a much too silent hush. To any unaccustomed to tactic, it would seem the entire vicinity was simply emptied of all signs of life. The scrape of metal momentarily broke through the illusion as Bilbo unsheathed his blade, and Kili cringed slightly at the sound. He mentally smacked a hand across the back of the hobbit's head. _Well done, Bilbo. Now they know we've heard them, _he thought with a roll of his eye.

Suspicious eyes scanned the clearing as Kili gingerly stepped forward, abandoning all pretense of nonchalance. He motioned over his shoulder for the others to follow gradually as he drew an arrow from his quiver with his other hand. Knocking it gently, he spun slowly on his heel until he was ambling backwards into the clearing, eyes continuously roving over the company's heads and into the shadows. He had almost made it to the center of the clearing when a sudden glint in the grass caught his eye.

Curiosity overruling the tiny sense of logic that nagged at his mind, the archer stepped forwards, lowering his bow as he prepared to stoop and examine what he could now see was a small bit of warped metal. Hesitantly, he reached out a gloved hand.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

It was pure reflex that had Kili snatching his hand away from the suspicious shard as a leering voice oozed from the shadows ahead of him. Before he could so much as fumble with his bow and arrow, a sharp _whoosh _permeated the air, and a dagger sprouted from the earth at Kili's feet. The voice continued, casual boredom injected deliberately within every syllable as Kili stumbled away from the dagger slightly.

"If I _were _you, though, I don't think I'd be taking advice from the likes o' _me."_

The sound of a sudden rustling in the bushes surrounding them drew the small cluster's attention rapidly away from the shadows that lay before Kili. They spun on spot, weapons unsheathed and caution in their eyes as an impossibly large number of lithe figures emerged from the bushes and stepped into sight, effectively surrounding the small huddle. The sneering faces of ten men looked down on the dwarves, cruelty and an obvious lack of wit violently apparent in their shallow eyes. Kili ran an eye over their ragged attire, their mistreated weaponry, and the brutish, animalistic stance held by all. He narrowed his eyes as he came to his conclusion, cursing under his breath. He knew a band of outlaws when he saw one. He _didn't_ know how to negotiate with one.

A single, solitary figure removed itself from the shade of the shrubbery behind the wall of hired hunters, and Kili squinted as he tried to make out the features of the man who had deemed it necessary to attempt pinning his boot to the ground with his knife. The man stopped before he could leave the line of shadow, leaving himself shrouded effectively from sight. The overly smug satisfaction in his tone, however, was all the company needed to deem him hostile. The figure crossed his shadowy arms and leaned casually against a nearby tree. A drawling, implacable accent lilted threateningly through his words.

"Y'see, this is an ambush. So be a good little victim and drop the weapons, would you?"

Kili simply stared at the man, a fierce glare gleaming in his eyes. He could feel the stares of the others on his back. They were waiting for his direction. He was their _leader_. They needed him to respond as a leader would. To question what right this simple forest dwelling criminal had demanding that he, third heir of Durin's throne, simply fork over his weapons and his pride. To take the situation into silent, smooth control just as his uncle surely would.

But this was Kili.

His face went purposefully blank, and he blinked slowly before responding.

"Sorry, but… did you _really _just say that after leaping out of a bunch of _shrubbery?_"

He was met with telling silence. Turning his head swiftly to meet the exasperated glares of his company, he flapped a hand wildly in the shadowed man's direction, eyes gleaming with childish mirth.

"Does no one else get the _irony_ there?"

A new dagger impaled itself into the ground at his feet, coming within an inch of his boot. Kili squawked indignantly as he danced away from the knife, glaring into the shadows at his unseen adversary.

"You planning on throwing those until you've run out?"

The response was immediate as three more daggers formed a tight circle around the first, and the shadowy figure spun what was surely a fifth over his hand leisurely. It was obvious the man was sneering as he hummed his response.

"Running out seems to imply I have limited supply. Now drop the bow."

Kili simply continued to glare stubbornly, fist clenching tighter around his weapon. A smirk of his own broke across his face as his tone shifted to childish mockery.

"Why? No sense _beating around the bush_, is there?"

He was met with an absurdly awkward silence as the outlaws surrounding the group exchanged bewildered glances. Not one to be deterred, Kili tilted his head in mock confusion.

"You mean you don't want us to _stick _around?"

His adversary's silence was broken by a cut off snicker from one of the dwarves behind him. Kili pressed on enthusiastically.

"'Cause, y'know, you could very well just _leaf _us alone and-"

An object flew from the shadows, knocking Kili smartly upside the head. He yelped as he stumbled back, tripping over Bilbo as he did so and causing the hobbit to yip in surprise. The rock that had been chucked full force at his face from the shadowed man fell beside him as he landed in a heap, his bow flying out of his grip and clattering uselessly to the ground by the feet of one of the outlaws. Rubbing his surely bruised forehead, Kili craned his neck to return to glaring into the shadows and tensed himself in preparation to spring forward, only to freeze as he took note of the sudden unsheathed weaponry held defensively in the men's hands surrounding him and the wicked glint that had kindled viciously in their eyes. He knew better than to charge in against mad men with sharp objects. The others had apparently come to the same conclusion as they shifted uneasily at the sudden change of mannerism of their ambushers.

Kili paused for just one moment before waving his hand vaguely towards the stone that had connected with his forehead.

"Well. It's fair to say I've been taking the use of pebbles for… _granite."_

A collective groan issued from the group behind him as Kili grinned childishly. The shadowed man shifted besides his tree, rightly irked with the attitude he was receiving. The man took a threatening step forward, but Kili cut off any words the unseen Watchman might have had with a nonchalant toss of his head and a shrug of his shoulders.

"Right, right, say no more. 'Silence, scum' and all that. Trust me, we know the drill by now."

* * *

***"It's your face, so move!"**

**And, enter the silent Watchman! We'll be seeing quite a bit more of him in the next chapter. He's been quite a riot to write! And don't worry, Fili is still the entirety of this story. He didn't wander off in some ****_random_**** direction... ;D **

**There are a few scenes in here that I've tried sketching out loosely (art isn't quite my strong point), but I haven't really put them out anywhere. If you're interested in seeing 'em, let me know and I'll post them!**

**Please leave a review! Do you want more punny Kili? (I have a full scene written out for the next chapter between him and the Watchman that involves a ridiculous amount of puns. You'd have to look pretty hard to find them, though!) **

**Thanks to all who have read, followed, favorited, and reviewed! You guys are seriously the best!**


	11. The Irony of an Ambush

**AN: I'm back from my trip to the States and one of the biggest culture shocks of my life! My goodness, Americans have a ****_very _****different way of going about things. Enough about that, though! New chapter!**

**We are getting very close to the end here, dear readers! I still cannot believe the response this story has gotten. As a matter of fact, I can't believe this story even developed beyond the half-coherent oneshot I wrote at four in the morning to fill a prompt. Thank you all so much for your continued support! **

**NEWSFLASH: I have created a Tumblr account for story updates and random shenanigans. My username is ****got-an-ace-up-my-sleeve****. Feel free to follow me or just drop me a note. I love hearing from you all!**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Earthy scents released by fresh rain carried lazily on the breeze, which swirled lightly around his loose robes as he stepped gingerly over a protruding root. A grey shadow, he stood in stark contrast to the vibrant greens and browns of the forest surrounding him. He regarded the empty area set before him, a hint of irritation flashing across his eyes as he huffed lightly.

"I shall never understand how it is they choose to follow one so stubborn with no sense of _reason_." He paused with a quick glance around the vicinity. "Nor direction, for that matter."

Gandalf the Grey leaned wearily on his staff, furrowing his bushy brows as he examined what was obviously an abandoned campsite. Taking in what ash was left from the empty hearth after the rainfall, he let loose another frustrated grumble. It appeared the dwarves had gone on ahead at least a day before. Two days. He leaves for _two days, _and they have already somehow managed to not only start off in the opposite direction, but appeared to have continued down the wrong path entirely. With an irritated shake of his head, Gandalf gathered his robes about him and set off into the undergrowth, intent on tracking down his stubborn charges and giving them the lecture of a lifetime. It appeared he would be quite a bit later to rendezvous with Beorn than he had initially intended. The shapeshifter would no doubt be disgruntled, but there was little else Gandalf could do. The faintest hint of concern fluttered within him as he set off once more and turned the image of the hastily covered campsite over in his mind's eye. As quickly as the twinge of worry had surfaced, however, he quashed it.

The company had a fierce- _if impulsive, _he grumbled internally-_ king_ with them. What could possibly go wrong?

**~SoS~**

"Well. I think it's fair to say just about everything's gone wrong by now, wouldn't you?"

"Shut yer trap."

Circling the perimeter of the fissure yet another time, Thorin resolutely ignored the bickering of the dwarves in the center of the hole. They had long since disentangled themselves from their dog pile, though the irritated grumbling had yet to sort itself out. The raven haired king had taken to pacing along the wall of their earthy prison as he furiously thought through one useless strategy after another. It was not long before his strategical train of thought simmered slowly into frustrated pining.

_If only Oin had held onto his pack. If only Fili had his wits about him. If only we never came this way to begin with. _

Thorin paused in his circling to glare up at the impossibly far away freedom just over his head, an aggressive frown on his upturned face.

_If only dwarves weren't so shor-_

"Thorin? Look here…"

Roused from his internal pity party at the sound of his name, Thorin turned his scowl away from the cheery blue sky above to the dusty form of Balin. The elder dwarf had detached himself from the group in the center and had taken to examining the walls Thorin had been furiously pacing past. Now, he stood several steps away, his forehead heavily creased in concentration as he prodded a finger lightly into the dust covering the wall. Curiosity piqued, Thorin cleared the distance between them in two strides.

"What is it?"

Balin shook his head, a light dusting of russet dirt drifting away from his tussled hair as he did so. "Can't be certain. It looks like some kind of stone work buried here."

Bending to peer closer at the patch of wall Balin's finger rested on, Thorin squinted lightly. Sure enough, there _did_ appear to be some sort of carving hidden beneath the layers of dirt. He reached out a hand to dust off what dirt he could. His fingers never came in contact with the wall, as the unexpected voice of Gloin piped up beside him.

"Ah, allow me!"

With a giant gulp of breath, Gloin puffed all of the air in his lungs onto the loose dirt in front of Thorin. It was surprisingly efficient in clearing the site, as several layers of loose dust came away from the stone.

It didn't help for breathing.

Balin coughed harshly, waving a hand in front of his face as he attempted to clear the air of dust. "How did you remotely _think _that would help?"

Gloin began to sniff indignantly, only to stop and splutter as dust shot up his nose. "Well, it got the job done, din' it?" He regarded Balin through narrowed eyes, taking in the glint of amusement behind the white haired dwarf's gaze much too late. He froze as he realized his mistake and tilted his head down to sheepishly address it.

Thorin remained in the same position he had been in before Gloin had meandered over, outstretched hand still hovering frozen over the wall. The only difference in the scene before him now was the thick covering of rusty brown dirt plastered across his king's face and settled in his hair, turning the inky black to a subtle chestnut. The king's eyes were firmly shut, and his mouth was puckered into a twitching frown that spoke more than any words ever could. Blinking open slowly, Thorin rotated his head at an agonizingly slow pace to shoot an icy glare through watering eyes up at Gloin. The guilty dwarf cleared his throat before tentatively reaching out a hand to offer assistance. It hovered over the king's head as if to brush away the dust, but Gloin thought better of it and snatched his hand back as if scalded. Clearing his throat once more, he muttered an awkward, stuttering apology and slunk back towards the others.

Thorin watched him leave with no small amount of irritation before straightening and vigorously shaking himself off, disgruntled. "I do not know whether to be thanking him or throttling him."

Balin chuckled lightly as he brushed a patch of dirt away from Thorin's shoulders. "Now really, he did _think _he was helping. The lads are fairly going out of their senses with nothing to do."

Brushing his hands roughly over his arms to remove what remaining earth he could, Thorin knelt besides Balin once more, pointedly ignoring the glimmer in his elder's eye. Instead, he turned his attention back to the stonework.

Now visible thanks to Gloin's exuberant assistance, a chunk of rock the size of Thorin's hand sat wedged into the wall. The edges were oddly rounded, and etchings in what appeared to be a sloppily crafted language covered its surface. Exchanging a glance with Balin, Thorin reached out his hand once more to the wall. He was about to grasp the stone when a familiar voice reappeared along with its owner, who practically bounced across the span of the hole to offer assistance.

"Not to worry, I've got it this time-"

Thorin's hand shot out to snatch Gloin's wrist before it could near the strange stone. Turning a cool stare onto the ginger dwarf, the king guided Gloin's hand away from the wall, only dropping it when the red on the warrior's cheeks matched his hair. Keeping his voice neutral, Thorin turned back to the stone.

"Though I appreciate your enthusiasm, your assistance will not be required for this, Gloin." Before any response could be given, Thorin's hand grasped the carved stone. He tensed his muscles, and with a deep breath and an almighty heave-

-the rock budged only an inch within its matrix.

Furrowing his brow, Thorin grasped the stone with his other hand as well, bracing himself. Leaning back, he clenched his teeth in a scowl and pulled with all of his weight until finally the stone was released with a harsh _snap._ A victorious smirk crossed his features.

His triumph was short lived.

A series of snaps echoing the first sounded from the wall, and an odd assortment of stones came tumbling out of the gap Thorin had opened. The snapping noise continued up the wall as several more stones fell from the fissure and into Balin's waiting hand. The elder dwarf exchanged a wary look with Thorin as the snapping ceased abruptly.

Without warning, an enormous, cracking racket sounded from above, causing all argument to cease from the others. With their faces turned warily upwards, they gathered closer together while Thorin mentally kicked himself for possibly worsening their situation.

_Way to think ahead._

With an earsplitting groan, a sudden matrix of thick tree limbs and sod appeared from the inner walls at the top of the hole, thrashed together with an odd assortment of fraying brown ropes. Blinking in astonishment, Thorin and his small company watched in horror as the intricately woven net began to seal off the opening to the hole with a thunderous, rolling creak. Just as the last rays of sunlight began to disappear and he began to panic, however, the entire contraption shuddered to a halt.

The group's collective sigh of relief was instantly replaced by shouts of alarm as the contraption suddenly split with an almighty _crack! _Diving to the sides of the hole, the dwarves narrowly escaped an unpleasant acquaintanceship with the mass of wood and dirt as it came crashing down to the center and shattered across the stone. Several seconds passed as the pattering sound of loose twigs and dirt echoed in the deafening silence after the fall.

Gloin turned his head in Thorin's direction from his flattened position against the wall as the king stared between the broken "lid" to their prison and the stone in his hand. Forced innocence rang in the fiery dwarf's voice as he spoke.

"I agree."

Thorin turned his incredulous gaze onto Gloin, confusion momentarily flashing in his eyes. Gloin fought to stare back blankly as he elaborated.

"Tha' required _no _help from my part whatsoever."

Thorin glared, refusing to let the red threatening to cross his face appear as embarrassment swept over him. Drawing himself up to his full stature, he raised a brow threateningly in Gloin's direction. "I'll have you know-"

Bifur cut him off with a garbled shout, excitement thrumming through his voice. Glancing over at the rambling dwarf, Thorin's brow furrowed in confusion as his momentary anger at Gloin's disrespect evaporated. Vaguely, the king heard Dori silently questioning Balin behind him.

"Did he just say-"

"-pig salad? I do believe so." Balin sighed and shook his head as he finished Dori's sentence. At the questioning look he received from Thorin, Balin tilted his hands upwards in a small shrug. "His mind gets muddled now and again, you know that."

Thorin blinked slightly before turning back to regard Bifur. The others had joined the raving dwarf by the collapsed roofing of their prison, and murmurs were thrumming over the small group as they prodded at the matrix warily. Crouching slightly, Thorin picked a frayed rope from the collection of sod and boughs, his eyes shrouded in thought as he turned the brittle line over in his hand. Eyes darting about the wreckage, his gaze narrowed. The curious mutterings of his companions died out as he rocked back on his heels, glancing between the rope and the carved stone held loosely in his other hand. Gloin was the first to speak up.

"So it's a trap with a door."

Dori shot a withering look to Gloin after his blunt observation. "Seems more like a trap meant to keep what it caught in_._"

Oin was gazing warily at the gap in the wall. "But why would the device to close the door be _inside _the trap?"

Thorin ran a finger across the fraying end of the rope. "Fortunate for us the creator doesn't seem to know what he is doing."

Thorin turned his gaze skyward once more as the others continued to mutter amongst themselves, his eyes trailing the ledge of the now crumbling hole. A slight movement caught his eye, and he focused triumphantly on the object he had been searching for. Standing to his full height, he pointed to the thin trail of rope dangling from a jagged rock at the lip of the hole, its frayed end swaying low into the hole and matching the rope in Thorin's hand. The others followed his line of direction before shouting in relief, the noise echoing cacophonously in the close quarters. A lopsided grin formed on Thorin's face.

"Very fortunate, _indeed_."

~**_SoS~_**

Kili watched the men lumber among the trees through narrowed eyes. How the bumbling buffoons had managed to get all seven of them trussed up without a single black eye or bloody nose was beyond him. His head still throbbed from where one of the outlaws had walloped him when he had tried to gnaw his way free of the thick ropes now tightly securing his wrists. A quick glance to his left and right did little to help his mind formulate a plan.

He wasn't entirely surprised.

The technique hadn't been working for the past half hour.

His companions were just as ensnared in their ropes as he was, though many were much more vocal about their frustrations, as Dwalin and Nori bellowed insults into the trees and the others growled at their bonds in varying degrees of anger. The thick tree trunks many were trussed to didn't help matters much. Kili grumbled in aggravation as his attention zeroed in on the pile the outlaws had made of their belongings. Axes, swords, spears, and Kili's bow and quiver sat well off to the sidelines, well away from any possible prying dwarf fingers.

The ragged band of men was alternating between rifling through their spoils and sneering back at the more vocal half of the group. Kili had been gradually noting the slow onset of unshielded boredom entering their eyes over the course of their impromptu ambush. It wouldn't be long before they deemed their audience unnecessary.

It was times like these that had Kili wishing he had the tact and grace of the royal line he was supposed to be upholding. He lacked the force his uncle permanently exuded, and was by no means as skilled in negotiation as his brother. He mentally smacked himself upside the head for not listening to Balin's teachings as a child.

Shifting against his bonds, he puckered his face into a determined scowl. He might not have all the necessary qualities of a royal, but he did have one thing.

He could damn well talk circles while he thought of a better plan.

"My compliments to the minds behind this. True genius, this is."

Several of the nearby thugs sent confused glances his way. The others simply ignored him. Dwalin shot Kili a look from across the campsite that clearly inquired after his sanity. Returning the look with a steady stare, Kili continued to ramble.

"In all honesty, it must've taken quite a lot of thought. Although I'm sure most impulsive, senseless muggings such as this do."

He waited for a response he knew wasn't coming before continuing.

"Though I have to say, why take all the effort to truss the lot of us up? You could have easily just been well on your merry way."

He was not graced with an answer. By now, he was beginning to wonder if the thugs even understood what it was he was saying. Shifting slightly against the tree he had been unceremoniously tied to, he caught the eye of one expressionless man. "Do you have _any _idea what I've been saying to you?"

The man simply stared blankly. A mischievous grin wormed its way onto Kili's face, and he ignored the looks the rest of the trussed up company were now sending his way from their respective trees. Shifting against the rough rope once again, he took on an air of casual inquiry.

"So tell me then, was your mother always such a-"

"I think it would be wise if you were to not continue harassing my men."

The voice entered the clearing well before the Watchman did. He entered from somewhere to the left of Kili, as the glares and insults flung from his companions were directed over his shoulder.

Kili twisted his head to catch a glimpse of their captor. He wanted to memorize the face before he bashed it in so he could suitably describe the before and after to his brother later.

His initial impression was one of mild shock. He had been expecting another dully presented outlaw, but the man who now stood before him held the air of a man who knew he was in charge. Dark eyes regarded him coldly in a way that reminded Kili too much of a reptile, an unnerving glint of intellect in his calculating stare. His greasy auburn hair was slicked back into a miserable excuse of a ponytail that just barely brushed the nape of his neck. A tattered, faded waistcoat hung loose over equally shoddy shirtsleeves, and a slightly russet threadbare cloak that may once have been as scarlet as dragon fire was clasped around his neck with a tarnished pin. The color of his raggedy pants was no longer discernible under the layers of dirt and grime they were coated with. Kili narrowed his eyes as they darted to the man's feet. Scraps of leather secured a worn pair of sturdy boots to the man's ankles and wound up his calves like vines.

Shifting his gaze back up to meet the man's cold stare, Kili blinked owlishly and blurted the first thing that entered his mind.

"So who's been missing their drapes?"

The groan and thumping sound to his right _might _have been Bilbo smacking his head against the tree he was tied to.

A hint of puzzlement flickered through the outlaw's eyes at Kili's innocent comment, and a twinge of pride ran through him as he realized how off guard he had taken their captor.

"Pardon?" The cloaked Watchman said the word quietly, his eyes shifting between Kili's as he tried to discern the meaning behind the dwarf's outburst.

Kili nodded his head towards the man's tattered cloak and pin. "Well, you can't be expecting me to believe that's supposed to be _worn._"

Understanding reached the man, though he did not react as Kili had expected. Instead, a cold smirk settled over his features as he crouched in front of the archer, sweeping the faded, reddish brown article out behind him. Suddenly, Kili was wishing he hadn't called attention to himself. The man held his gaze as he casually responded.

"This old thing? I do not doubt whoever owned it does not miss it. It's hard to miss something when you're not… well, _living _anymore."

An involuntary chill ran down Kili's spine as the man stepped away from him, an air of boredom ghosting across his face. Catching sight of Dwalin from across the camp, Kili saw the fiery fury barely veiled within the warrior's eyes. A glance around quickly showed the general reaction was taken by the rest of the company as well. He knew what they were all thinking.

A life should never be considered so flippantly.

Shoving down the chill, Kili tilted his head back, determined to not lose face. The others were hissing insults at the men around them with a renewed vigor; he planned on doing better than that. Kili called after the retreating form of the cloaked outlaw.

"Maybe _you _would be so kind as to answer me, then. Why keep us all here?"

The man stopped and turned slightly, his profile sharp against the forest backdrop as he listened to Kili's rambling. The prince pressed on.

"I mean, sure, this place has certainly got a bit of a woodsy charm to it, but I don't take you as the type for wanting… ah, houseguests. And we-" he jerked his head in the general direction of his companions "-don't make very good company, I can assure you. Particularly when we haven't been introduced to our host. Besides-"

His rambling was cut off by a throaty laugh. The sound reminded him of scraping swords, and he winced slightly at the harshness behind it. The man turned towards him completely, but made no move to step forward.

"You want introductions? So be it."

With an exaggerated swoop of his –_not his, _Kili corrected himself nauseously- cloak, the outlaw bent low in a mock bow as he voiced his name with a practiced, oily ease.

"Gideon Wakefield. Most certainly _not _at your service."

Seemingly unaware of the glares directed at him from all angles by his captive audience, Gideon stood from his bow and swept an arm out towards Kili. "But, where are my manners? Pray, tell us the names of our _esteemed _company."

He sent a smirk over his shoulder to the other outlaws, who erupted into idiotic guffaws immediately upon seeing the grin. Kili raised an eyebrow as he wondered just how long it had taken this Gideon to train them. Raising his head to stare defiantly at Gideon, Kili missed the desperate head shaking being directed at him from all angles as he began his introduction.

"And Kili, son of Dis, third to the line of Durin and rightful heir to Erebor. Your service would not have been required."

It wasn't until after the words had left his lips that he realized he had stated the words as he normally would after Fili had introduced himself. A flicker of worry hovered into his thoughts. Where were the others?

All laughter stopped abruptly as Gideon spun to face him. Kili grinned, smug at the reaction he received. Turning his eyes quickly to the others, he raised his eyebrows as if to question how well he had handled the situation. As his gaze took in the sight of his companions smacking their bound hands to their foreheads, however, his mood began to turn.

Gideon stepped forward, his eyes alight with something that made Kili wish he could eat his words. "Erebor? Line of Durin? Am I correct in hearing that we have _royalty _amongst us?"

Before Kili could answer, Gideon erupted into laughter, less harsh than before, but still just as grating. Kili glared until the laughter stopped and the raggedy outlaw wiped at his eyes. Gideon stepped lightly over the pile of items the thugs had taken away from the small group.

"Such easy pickings, and it turns out to be _royalty? _Oh, this is too good to be true! So who are they, then?" He gestured flippantly to the rest of the company. "Your servants? Bodyguards? If so, my dear dwarf, allow me to be the first to inform you: you've trained them quite poorly."

Angry snarls and shouts erupted at Gideon's remarks, but the outlaw continued ignoring the general cacophony of sound. Stepping lightly onto an enormous root, he crouched by the pile of dwarvish weapons he had procured, eyes glimmering as he took in the sight of his prize. Resting his elbows lightly on his bent knees and allowing his hands to drape lax over his legs, he smiled viciously.

"If I recall, you Erebor lot took up residence in the Blue Mountains. Am I wrong?"

Kili stared back blankly. "You're well informed for an outlaw."

Gideon let out a soft _tsk. _"Mere trivia. So the Blue Mountains are missing their prince."

A surprising surge of tact kept Kili's mouth shut. Gideon simply smiled at his lack of response.

"I can get a king's _ransom _for your hide. Though, really, it's the thought that counts. Your hide might not even be necessary. And I do wonder…"

The outlaw paused, face thoughtful as an idea seemingly struck him. A slick grin pulled at his mouth as he slid off the root, swooping behind a pile of what appeared to be worthless trinkets his men had dropped besides the pile of weapons. Kili had noted them lugging the packages over their shoulders. _Probably easy pickings from earlier in the day_, he thought with a grimace.

Gideon reappeared, a circlet of warped metal that may have once been a candlestand perched crookedly atop his head as he strut back into the clearing. The men erupted into another round of guffaws at the sight, and Gideon smirked in the midst of his "court".

"If _you're _royalty," he sneered, "then what would that make me?"

Kili could _feel _the eyes of the others on him, silently pleading he say no more than he already had. There was already enough at stake as it was.

But really, who could pass up on a chance like this?

Tilting his head, Kili creased his brow as if in deep thought. "A convict whose head won't soon be so well acquainted with his shoulders?"

Gideon's smile wavered ever so slightly, but he was quick to recover. Hopping back up onto the root he had just vacated, he met Kili's mocking stare with a grin that oozed false cordiality. "And what," he drawled, "makes you think such? Last I checked, you and all of your little pets here are tucked neatly under my thumb."

Ignoring the indignant hisses of "_who's a pet?" _around him, Kili shrugged lightly. "You know us royals." A smirk threatened to break his cool façade. "Always making a point to think _ahead_."

Gideon narrowed his eyes as small snickers and snorts interspersed the abuse being verbally flung at him and his men. He had missed something. Before he could open his mouth, one of the other dwarves spoke up. His gaze narrowed further when he recognized the dwarf who had bit his hand upon removing his rather ridiculous hat.

"Y'do have to admit, he's got quite a lot on his shoulders as it is."

The snickers turned to guffaws, and suddenly Gideon was surrounded by dwarves shouting phrases in an entirely different manner than they had been before. Snatches of words made it to his ears.

"He _is _the head chief, though-"

"…no reason to be stickin' his neck out for anything-"

"…go and give him the cold shoulder-"

"…wouldn't want to lose your head over something so trivial as-"

"ENOUGH!"

Silence slammed over the group with all the force of an avalanche as wary eyes took in the sudden appearance of Bifur's spear in Gideon's hand. The outlaw spun it idly in his hand, making sure to keep the tip a steady inch from Kili's quickly paling throat. Picking an imaginary piece of dirt from the hilt, he quietly addressed the silence.

"Don't be so eager to _voice_ your thoughts, boys. It just might cost your dear prince his."

Gideon lifted his gaze to stare coldly into the eyes of each dwarf before removing the spear and planting it in the ground beside the pile of weapons. Kili swallowed convulsively, the tingling feeling of the sharp spear point hovering too close still with him. He glared up at the man as Gideon sauntered back to his pile of spoils, crooked excuse of a crown somehow holding fast to his head.

The lithe outlaw spun to face them and leaned casually against the pile of dwarvish packs, meeting each and every simmering glare directed at him.

"So I guess I should reintroduce myself, no?"

He crossed his arms smugly. Bowing was out of the question now.

"Gideon Wakefield. Call me King."

* * *

**AN: So meet Gideon, a creation of mine that sprung from nowhere and smacked me upside the head with plot bunnies. Worry not, I've put him through many a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu test, so he won't suddenly start spouting fire or have the dwarves start falling inexplicably in love with his eyes. He won't be playing a ****_very_**** large role, so you'll just have to see what's in store for him and his not-so-merry-men. I know there is a distinct lack of Fili in this chapter, but there is good reason for that! ;) Lots of action coming up!**

**Please leave a review! What are your thoughts on Gideon? **

**Thank you all for reading!/reviewing/favoriting!**


	12. Onwards and Upwards

**AN:**

**Apologies to you all! I promised one week, and suddenly the week became months! **

**I haven't quite been in a Tolkien mood as of late. My muse decided to promptly hop onboard the starship Enterprise and, unfortunately for my Hobbit fics, boldly go. (In all honesty, though, the number of TOS episodes I finished in a little under one week is probably not very healthy…)**

**Anywho, I'm back with a new chapter! It's fairly short, I know, but I wanted to let you all know I'm still around. And the promised action is coming up! Only two more chapters to go before our finales!**

**Enjoy!**

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He could _taste _the freedom, he was so close to it.

But, then again, that might just be the mouthful of dirt he received from face-planting forcefully against the wall.

If not, then freedom tasted suspiciously of mud and left a decidedly sour aftertaste.

Thorin shook his head minutely to clear it of both soil and the shroud of fog that had overwhelmed his brain. _With any luck, _he thought disjointedly, _I'll live through this with only a small case of significantly impairing brain damage. _Voices drifted up to him from the bottom of the hole as his head continued to clear. Why it was so foggy, he hadn't… well, the _foggiest,_ really.

"Watch yourself, you bumbling oaf! That's your _king _you're tossing about!"

"Well, excuse me for following orders!"

"He asked you to give him a boost to look at the rope, not to _throw_ him at it like a sack o' grain! You're damned lucky he was quick enough to latch onto it!"

Thorin's brows lifted slightly as the fog in his head finally cleared. _Oh. So that's what happened._

Tilting his head back, the king glanced at his hands as his feet dangled haphazardly below him. They were clasped tightly around the end of the frayed, dangling rope, the knuckles white from exertion. He winced as a brittle barb of thread dug into his palm, but his grip did not falter. This may be the only chance they had for freedom from their impromptu prison, and he would be damned if he let it quite literally slip through his fingers.

Scrabbling with his feet against the wall, Thorin found a sturdy foothold, easing a bit of his weight off of his arms and dislodging a generous smattering of pebbles in the process. A call from Oin echoed up to him over the clattering of falling stone and soil.

"Are you alright, Thorin?"

In the future, Thorin would fervently deny that he had glared venomously in response.

Bypassing answering, he twisted his neck to an angle better served for looking down. Five faces were turned up to him, eyes almost laughably wide in apprehension. Clearing his throat of dirt (_it wasn't the taste of freedom, _he thought with a grimace), Thorin addressed the only one who could have thrown him so high up the wall.

"Gloin."

The dwarf in question positively _wilted _at the dangerous calm in his king's tone. After a moment of hesitation, he stuttered an acknowledgement. "Ah, aye, Thorin?"

"You may have just ensured our freedom by your actions. For that, I am grateful."

Gloin blinked in surprise. Before he could utter any response, however, Thorin turned back to the rope he held to like a lifeline and continued speaking. "However, let it be known now."

Gloin cleared his throat nervously as he responded. "Ah, _it, _Thorin?"

"I am about to bestow a lesson onto you that I want you to always remember."

"I… I am most certain I deserve it."

"This is the most important lesson you will ever have known. I want you to teach it to your kin." There was a short pause. "And then, teach your kin's kin."

"And what would that lesson _be _exactly, your majesty?"

Thorin's lips barely quirked at the ridiculous use of sudden formality. Twisting to stare sternly back down onto the faces below, he settled his face into his most serious expression.

"No one _ever _tosses a dwarf."

Gloin bobbed his head fervently in adamant affirmative, stuttered apologies and promises falling from his mouth faster than any of the dwarves could follow. Oin silenced him with a well placed elbow, his eyes sparkling in amusement. "I'll see to it he passes that little pearl o' wisdom on, Thorin. He won't be forgetting any time soon."

Ignoring the strained chuckles below, Thorin turned back to the rope. Shifting his weight experimentally, he tested its strength. When he found it to be fairly firm, he risked shimmying a hand a few inches up the length of the cord. Gaining some ground and more than a few splinters of rope, Thorin shifted his feet slowly up the wall, causing another avalanche of pebbles to cascade onto the watchers below.

Several tense minutes passed in this fashion, with Thorin shimmying up the rope as carefully as he could, each second bringing him closer to the lip of the hole. Before he fully realized it, his hand was grasping the crumbling edge, searching through the dirt and grass for a strong handhold. Seizing onto what felt to be a decent sized, firmly planted stone, he puffed out a breath and lunged for the hold with both hands. A collective gasp and shout of alarm rose to meet him as his grip faltered slightly and his feet scuffed along the edge.

Summoning all the strength he had left, Thorin forced himself to heave his body up until his torso was well over the edge. With a final burst of energy and a grunt of exertion, he swung his legs over the side and rolled away from the edge, panting heavily as he stared into the sky and muffled cheers echoed up to meet him.

Taking barely a moment to regain feeling in his arms, Thorin gingerly eased his way back to the edge as his eyes scanned the area. There was Oin's pack, haphazardly strewn across the ground beside the hole. There was no sign of Fili, which caused Thorin's brow to furrow deeply as worry flared within him. He would have a fairly decent head start on them, no matter which direction he had gone in. And then there was the matter of dealing with who had set the trap in the first place.

They had to find the others and leave these woods, _fast_.

Turning his attention to Oin's pack, Thorin rummaged about its contents for a moment before letting out a small bark of triumph. He pulled a long coil of rope from its depths and began to fervently tie the end off to the rock protruding over the edge. He would question Oin as to _why _exactly he had rope in his medical pack later. For now, he was simply grateful for the amount of preparation his company had gone through.

Tossing the loose end of the rope into the hole below, Thorin grinned down at his small party as they scrambled for the cord. He leaned back a bit, enforcing the knot of the rope as he called down to the dwarves below.

"Just a bit of a note, lads. Freedom tastes mighty similar to soil."

_~SoS~_

Dark, narrowed eyes stared into the foliage as the creeping sensation of _something _sent the hairs on the back of his neck on end. He was certain there was a pair of eyes staring back at him from the shadows, causing a shiver to run through him.

That, or he just _really _needed to relieve himself. He preferred to think it the former.

Kili shifted his wary gaze from the shadowy undergrowth to his companions, who had grown oddly silent as the minutes passed by under the watchful eyes of their resident buffoons. Sure enough, several of their own eyes were turned towards the spot Kili had been scrutinizing, and a general sense of the calm before a storm had settled in the atmosphere.

And by _Aule _if it wasn't boring.

Rolling his shoulders against the tree with a small crack, Kili lolled his head to his left to take stock (_again) _of who happened to be where. The men had yet to move from their respective spots, lounging and peering at miscellaneous items from the packs they had horded. Gideon appeared to be fervently discussing something or rather with one of the larger men in that odd, garbled language, his tone clipped and his flailing hands implying a distinct lack of patience. The warped metal atop his head remained crookedly fixed in place, and Kili found himself wishing for the fourth time in as many minutes for a rock at the very least to knock the horrible thing off.

None of the men appeared to have noticed the shifted attentions of the dwarves.

Bofur cleared his throat noisily to his right, drawing the attention of one of the men nearest the group. "If y' don't mind, I've a bit of a favor ta ask of y', my good sir." Bofur's voice carried a note of innocence that would never have fooled his companions. Catching the lilt, Kili raised a brow questioningly to his be-hatted companion. Bofur resolutely ignored the gaze and continued on.

"I've a bit of an itch on my nose 'ere tha's been drivin' me _mad._ Is it too much to ask of y' to be a good sport and give it a scratch?"

He was met with silence from the man, who blinked hazily at the smiling dwarf. Glancing back to his companions and noting their absorption in their spoils, the man furrowed his brow and lumbered over in Bofur's direction. Kili was certain it was more Bofur's tone than actual words that had gotten through to the man. Anyone with a knack for any language knew the universal tone of mischief.

As the man drew nearer, Bofur's eyes darted to his side, where Dwalin sat watching the man's approach, his eyes glittering with malice. A sudden signal must have passed between them, for before any of the company could realize what was happening, a booted foot had lashed out and knocked the man's feet out from under him. He toppled heavily onto Bofur's lap, causing the dwarf to wheeze and squirm. After a long moment of fumbling about to right himself as laughter and jeers came from the now attentive outlaws, the man glared venomously down at Dwalin, who stared innocently back. Turning with a lash of his boot to the taller dwarf's legs, the man stomped back to his rooted seat and jeering companions, annoyance and embarrassment rolling off of him in waves.

A low whistle to his right had Kili darting his gaze back to his company. Bofur was staring fervently across to him, his eyes wide and meaningful. Tilting his head lightly in a curious movement of his own, Kili twisted his hand in a "go on" sort of gesture. A sudden flash of silver piqued his attention, and his eyebrows shot up his forehead on their own accord as his eyes darted quickly back to the outlaws. Not a single glance was spared in their direction.

Turning his attention back to Bofur and the knife he had seemingly made appear from nowhere, Kili mouthed a silent "_How?" _to his companion. His only response was a sly smirk and a smug shrug. Shaking his head and vowing to ask the miner when he had become such a resourceful pickpocket later, Kili rapidly motioned with his hands for Bofur to get to work on his ropes. He need not repeat the motion twice, as the gleefully grinning dwarf set about to discreetly work at his bindings.

Just as the fraying ropes around Bofur's wrists began to become visible, Gideon's sharp voice cleaved through Kili's mind, paralyzing him as a moment of sheer panic set in.

"Stop!"

A second passed before Kili could bring himself to turn his head in the outlaw's direction, and the sudden gasp of breath Bilbo took in beside him did little to calm his nerves. The panic turned to confusion as he realized the outlaw was not facing their direction. Rather, his focus appeared to be on the woods surrounding them. Cold eyes regarded the shadows as the outlaws slowly rose from their positions, the tense stance of their leader causing a ripple of apprehension to travel through them. Kili's confusion slowly dissipated as he saw a figure dart between the shadowy bushes and disappear into the tangle of roots and leaves Gideon had vacated not minutes before.

"There's another! Grab him!"

A shout was taken up from the men as they charged towards the rough terrain seconds before Gideon's cry of annoyance.

Kili shot a look in Bofur's direction, silently urging him to keep sawing at the ropes. All pretense of caution was thrown to the wind as Bofur set to furiously scraping at the ropes behind him.

A panicked shout from one of the outlaws drew Kili's attention frantically back to the confusion at the edge of the clearing. The man who had let loose the cry appeared to be soaring head over heels over the roots, and as Kili watched in mounting confusion, the man passed the arc of his flight and landed in a heap, cracking his skull smartly against a sizable stone. He did not move again. Gideon's furious voice rose over the garbled, slightly panicked shouting from the other men.

"Shut _up_, you lot! Just catch the bloody imp! I want him found, _now!"_

Though the meaning of the words may have gone straight through the outlaw's ears, the message was clear enough as they scrabbled apart to search through the enormous roots. Kili darted his eyes fervently back to Bofur and felt a wave of relief rush through his adrenaline fueled veins as he saw the now free dwarf sawing away at Dwalin's restraints. He allowed a smile to tug at his lips. Whoever it was that had drawn the outlaws attention, they were doing a fine job of it.

A sudden inarticulate shout rose from one of the men crouched amongst the roots, and before any of the others could react, he found himself sailing through the air much like his comrade before him. This time, another sound mingled with the panicked screech of the airborne man. Kili felt his eyes widen as he finally placed the noise.

It was a very feral, very familiar snort.

"Fili!"

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**Kili really needs to learn to keep his mouth shut, does he not?**

**Thank you all so much for sticking with this story! I will try my hardest to get the next chapter to you at a reasonable time. I go back to Uni in a month, so let's see if I can wrap this story up before then.**

**Please take a moment to leave a review! Thank you for reading!**


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